A Tale of Grace

Dearest Friends and Family,

I have to tell you.  Anni is having more and more trouble breathing.  If she goes for a short walk, she labors hard to get air, to the point where she sweats.  The last few days are seeing her sweat easily after small movements.  Nights are torturous,  she moans in pain most of the night.  Perhaps it is the growths on her spine that cause her excruciating constant pain in her back.  I can’t go into all of it.  I can only say, truthfully, that our Anni’s body is sinking fast under the burden of cancer.  You would feel very sad if you saw her now, from March 1st,  it is a huge difference.

We need your help.  The fact is, the doctors at NIH have told us frankly that they do not know what kind of cancer it is.  They thought it was RCC –renal clear cell sarcoma or carcinoma, and hoped they had a medical direction to point us in for her treatment. But after more detailed tests  the Doctors say now that it is not that.  This means that there is no advanced therapy for what she has.  They don’t know quite where yet to point us for treatment.  They are still conducting further refined tests on the tissues taken from her, and at this time, Anni has no doctor for beginning treatments with, as the diagnosis is still unclear.  Yet, the burden of cancer upon her body which in February was seen to be last stage, advanced metastasized cancer, is still there, still growing, and we are approaching April.  Our time is precious.  The medical world has not been able to help us yet.

Anni has been put on several different types of pain killers to reduce her discomfort.  In essence, these have also become another burden for her as she fights the nausea, constipation, mood alterations and the stupor that they induce in her.  Today, we were all again at NIH,  as she could no longer tolerate the pain medicines. She has been sent home with another round of different drugs, now with morphine to ‘manage’ the pain.

As her mother, I can see it.  We don’t have much time.  Its in her eyes, in the struggle she is making to do very small things.  I feel strongly we have to make a big push right now, through our hearts, to God Alone,  to heal and save her in her body.  I don’t know how to say it.  I don’t know if I have the right to ask you all, but I must.  Please help our dearest Anni, so sweet and dear to all of us!  Please join us in a fast of penance, of tapas,  to God. Please join us on Monday, April 2, 2007, your time, wherever you are.  Let us appeal to Her all compassionate Grace which can create universes, bring rains, heal hearts and open flowers, to transform the karma or fate that Anni is suffering from!  Let us cry to Our Lord with aching and selfless hearts, to free our Anni from all disease,  and to free the human race from the diseases of the heart!

t will be the fourth day from now,  her pain and difficulty in breathing, moving, etc. is so significant now, that I don’t know what her situation will be in 4 days.  In one week, the decline has been very dramatic.  But, we all need to take the time between now and then to prepare our minds and hearts for this sincere effort.

Wherever you are, if you can join with others, do so, for Our Lord Amma and many others, as Lord Jesus, Gandhiji, Abdul Baha to name only a few I know, have all said that group effort and prayer has power.  If you cannot,  mentally offer your efforts to the stream of appeal created from all efforts.

It is said that the universe abhors a vacuum.   I know that if we all make this appeal, to God, to Truth, to our Lord, our Maker, I know that there must be a response.  We are very aware that so many of you are making sincere efforts and prayers every day on behalf of Anni,  but we need to make a break through of some sort…I don’t know what it is, but, for some reason,  I feel and see it so…I know that if we can do this,  make a greater sacrifice,  a door has to open for her.  And when this door opens for Anni, it will open for thousands if not millions.  Somehow, I see and feel it so.

I remember about 5 years ago, Shanti, an Indian lady from Australia was at the ashram.  She showed me a photo of a picture of Amma that had completely changed when an old style photograph was taken of it. This was right before digital became the norm. This is the story as I understand it:  Hearing all the news of war and strife going on across the planet, Shanti felt drawn to offer some small penances or tapas, to God, to help change the energy on the earth.  She took a vow, and for 40 days, got up every day early, and by 6:00 was seated for a heartfelt archana.  She slept on the floor near her bed, instead of on the bed, praying that this small token of self imposed hardship, would help to atone for the ignorant acts of mankind, in some small way.  She sacrificed some aspect of her diet as well, I can’t remember what.  I may have part of this wrong,  I can’t recall verbatim, only the impression that I gained.  I was touched by her selfless effort, and the small and do-able things that she had decided to offer to God, to help transform the earth.  Her efforts were sweet and beautiful.

What was amazing, was God’s response. On the last day of the fast,  her daughter, relatives and neighbor were sitting on a couch in the living room.  On the bookshelf adjacent to the couch was a photo of Amma – one familiar to most of us, wherein Amma is sitting in a basket chair in Sweden, with a parrot perched overhead on top the chair.  When the family photo was developed,  Lo! The Amma photo had changed.  Shanti had Amma’s photo alone enlarged.  What was there, curls the toes with heart’s delight. Amma’s spotless sari was hanging outside the frame at the bottom of the picture.  Instead of Ammas precious form,  there was a huge Shiva Lingam, swathed in her soft sari.  There were some insignias on the form which I didn’t understand, but have seen before. The parrot was not there.

When Shanti took the photo and story to Amma, She said it was due to Shanti’s sincere tapas or penance for world peace that God had decided to appear in this way, to encourage her efforts, to let her know that she was heard.

Beloved friends, let us join together, in a day of Tapas and prayer, for Anni and for the heart of the human race to be freed of all disease!  On April second,  let us offer the tapas of a fast.  Do so in whatever way appeals to your heart and conscience.  If you have a health problems, do not endanger yourself in anyway,  make a smaller sacrifice, maybe one meal only, maybe no rice or bread, do whatever appeals sincerely to your heart and reason.  And let us pray, together, 5 times throughout the day for Anni and the heart of the human race to be free from all disease.  Upon rising, mid morning, before lunch, mid afternoon, and evening.

For those of us here with Anni, we will fast,  (I will take weak teas and water) for 36 hours.  We will spend the day in silence, except for Anni’s service, and prayer.  I know that we can change fate, we can change ourselves, our hearts and this earth, to make a new life here, for all of us.  We need your help!
-Kamala

Dearest Friends and family,

We have not written in a few days. At present, the medical world from NIH has sent out Anni’s body fluids and tissues slides to labs in New Jersey and California to see if the disease qualifies for treatment under new medical protocols (studies) which are the ‘cutting edge’ of cancer treatment. It might take a few days to come back, and then it will go to different places where they are doing these studies. Uncle Jeff looked at all the protocols going on in the country, and said Anni may fit only into one - the one in DC at the Washington Childrens’ Cancer Hospital, and even then, it is not sure. Link and I looked at the studies, and nearly passed out cold from the descriptions of the aggressive treatment….we decided, it is better if others do the hard core research on all that, and we will just try to be here for Anni in every way possible. I have a profound admiration for anyone that survives cancer treatment.
By Her Grace, we spoke with Her yesterday morning in the wee hours. Twice She asked if it was TB, and said at another point that “The people who do research will say many things,Amma dioes not know if it is that(correct).” Translated by Link and Anni…so we are trying to get in touch with a young lady whom we know had brain TB that Anni had contact with two years ago. The Lord also said something about ‘maanasa shakti’ which we couldn’t quite catch. But, I know we need mental strength, self confidence, confidence in Her in us.

It was a hard night for the little one. Link didn’t get to bed until 4AM working on the computer. Stupored over with sleep, I heard Anni moaning throughout the hours of brahma-muhurta - 3AM onwards…We got up several times to give the pain med, but the pain med doesn’t take it all away….I suspect that the lesion activity is particularly painful. In the morning , she requested our massage on her aching back and legs. We did that for several hours then she fell asleep. So today, our little one has eaten very little.

Uncle Jeff hasn’t been able to come by the house for over a week. He has had a terrible viral fever and is afraid that Anni may get infected. In addition, he hasawierd rash all over his body which makes it hard to wear clothing. While our beloved Arun and Pappu were here, they helped with everything. Now they are gone. When Jeff was here last Tuesday during Dr. Joe’s first visit, he wore a mask over his mouth and nose, as he thought he could be contagious to Anni. He sat on the other side of the living room. We talk to him several times during the day, but haven’t seen him since. I think being conscious that one has a disease that could be communicable and taking active steps to stop the spread of it is something that we should educate our children into: covering mouths, responsible handling of sputum, and bodily fluids, etc. Those who contract serious communicable diseases should be educated as to their responsibility to others….somehow, the concept of social responsibility is not yet part of medical prescriptions…to seek to safeguard the health of others by restricting ourselves when sick should be viewed as positive social behavior….

Heather,( a lovely young lady who helps encourage my mother to walk, and often eats breakfast and/or lunch with her) during the week took me out to go shopping for groceries before her afternoon classes. I had a list of things for Anni. When I got to where I remembered the store was in 2003 it was all closed up. there was a huge cyclone fence with barbed wire on top, It looked militaristic and unfriendly. There were stone holes through some of the big windows. There wasaCVS , a nationwide pharmeceutical style store. In there, innundated with choices and fine print on the bath soap bottles, I tried to find those little clicker heat packs that are used for Amma , as Anni has so many little places that are paining terribly. Heather was very helpful. At the end, I met an Indian looking employee,namedAnju and asked her where she was from. “Mumbai” came the answer. I told her I was from Amma’s ashram, did she know of Amma,? “My parents are her staunch devotees! They were just there in a place called Nerul to see Her on the 17th!” So, that was nice. The Lord was letting me know that although my heart was aching that my Anni could not be choosing out the little things with me, that She is with me….
After getting the bath things, we went to a “subways” as just a week ago Anni enjoyed at least 6″ of those sandwiches. I hoped that getting one would encourage her to eat., Its another huge chain store that makes foot long sandwiches known as “heros’ or ‘grinders’ or ’submarines’ The choices were many. In end, as I checked out, I noticed that the cashier, cum manager had an interesting accent. So, I literally heard myself asking, Where are you from? He said, “Mauritius.” It ends up he lives right down the road from our Mauritius Ashram. I asked him if heknewourBrahmachari Veerappan who had been in the ashram there for 13 years, he said he thought so. He was so surprised to learn that Amma is coming there in a few short days.! Isn’t that sweet? She is very gracious to us, who ache in heart, body and mind, about being away from Her, about everything.

So, hopefully, some of these products - lemony and cucumber scents, will make Anni feel refreshed in some way after bath…..

Link had a nightmare that Anni refused to eat. He had a hard time yesterday, as she did not eat much…he is very tensed about Anni’s condition. In the last week, it looks and feels like she has gone down a lot. The only medication she has right now is for pain, nausea, and for subsequent constipation due to medication….

Dr. Joe called yesterday and gave wonderful encouragement to Anni, talking about getting on with life, not wating for a diagnosis, looking into med school and grants here, accepting and recognizing the chronicness of the situation, and deciding to live her life more in the future. Using the volition or will power. Its all very true and wonderful, and part of the allimportantMaanasa Shakti. Its just very hard when you can’t sleep, eat, or move normally due to pain….but she is trying.

Our dear Debbie came by. She instinctively knows what to get Anni. This time, it is tomatoes - grape tomatoes, they are called, smaller than cherry tomatoes. Babystyleyogurts . Little cartons of orange juice. Bread sticks…we do not get to see her much but she is thinking always about Anni, and is always bringing little things to perk her appetite up….It was Debbie that got us all on the Lord’sKanji again…Anni takes about 24 OZ of Kanji a day since then….Link had the rare opportunity to sit near the Lord a little while ago - maybe in Feb. and She was talking about the health benefitsofKanji. Scientifically, Kanji vellum - water - has been found to be a food source that immediately supplies the blood cells, revitalizing them….

Anni walked down to the river nearby again today, choosing a closer spot. Her back pain and lung pain made the slow walk a real exertion, and she could hardly walk back. Just that little walk made her sweat…Later in the evening, on top the bed, she suddenly said, ‘It just got a little better, Icansuddently breathe a little more, it is Her grace”…..

We need your ardent prayers, more than ever! Anandi wrote us that when she asked Amma about Anni, Amma said, “PRAY!” Its all we have. Our hearts, our love and the greatest debt of our life is to all of you, who selflessly pray for beloved Anni. I know it is all of you, whose loving and unselfish prayers God’’s Grace will answer.OmAmriteshwaryai Namah, Namah, Namaha.

I look in Anni’s beautiful eyes, and see a deep suffering and pain. She does not say much, but now requests her full dose of pain meds, and is acutely aware when the next dose is due. Seeing our concern, she smiles ever…although when alone with us she sometimes cries with the agony of bearing the pain… sometimes at nights we press her legs, arms, hot water bottle seems to help sometimes on the back…the headaches never go away, she is never free from terrible pain all over her body….she likes to be with people, with her brother, with those who come to love her, to know I am near…we can do nothing to help her really….

What tapas O lord, will you accept from me to make her whole? What can I do, O Lord? Do say… For me, my mantra is Anni, my Anni is the form of the Lord. You, O Lord, in Her…Anni is your name…what sacrifice can I make that you will hear and be pleased with? Isn’t there someway a mother’s heart can change anything? When will you awaken an d begin your dance to health in the body of precious Anni?
In the early afternoon, Sw. Br. Dayamrita came over with the coordinator for the DC area, a mother named Padmini…Sw. looked very serious….it was a short visit, but we were happy he took the time to come. We had thought to go to his program in DC, it would have been straining for Anni, and it is a youth retreat, not an evening progam. Padmini knows some devotees who are Dr.’s at the children’s hosp. one is a urologist…

The Doctors at NIH had their meeting. They are hopeful that Anni’s medical condition will qualify for a protocol study being done at the Children’s Hospital….they are making contacts and getting records and tissues…fortunately they don’t need anymore tissues. A world renown pathologist, Dr. Morino has done (and is not finished yet with) , many many tests on the samples from Anni’s body and body fluids. All they can say at this time, is while they are quite sure that it is cancer, and there is still some slight doubts, there are reactions in some tests that are like Renal Clear Cell Sarcoma, they are not sure what kind. Nonetheless, they feel, that making the most informed decision possible, they will probably seek to treat it as though it is RCC…they don’t yet know what to make of the abnormalities in the brain…suggested we come back regularly for scans…

O Lord, the Doctors don’t know what they are doing, although it is their best. Will you stand by? Anni has only wanted you, her whole life. She has never swerved even one iota from her precious babyhood…O lord, don’t you want her sweetest services? O Lord, you said, You are also Her Mother….how can you bear her sufferings so silently? Tell me what I can do!

Arun came back home to us today, it was Ajay who got in touch with Sw. Dayamrita…Ajay made delicious appams with potato stew for us all, Anni learned th e technique…Ajay is teaching himself all kinds of Indian cooking…necessity is the mother of invention…and all of us have a king called tongue…or at least an able minister… Debbie, our Chinese friend made Kanji, which is very popular in China as well, and gave us also printed evidence about what Amma had said in satsang a few weeks ago of the beneficial effects of Kanji….We are all lucky we get to taste Kanji….

Today her chest hurts more, back hurts more, head hurts more. O Lord of my Anni, I cannot say much more.
- Kamala

Dearest Friends and Family,
On Friday the Doctors are having a meeting to discuss all of their findings, the results of the tests, etc.  In this meeting they are going to decided what they think of Annika’s illness.  So far, they have not found anything that they are 100% sure of, so whatever it is, it probably won’t fit into the studies going on at NIH, which means that we would have to go elsewhere.  Of course, there are more tests to run…

Basically, Annika’s illness is beyond the scope of Modern Medicine.

Everybody, please pray that Annika’s cancer goes away of its own accord.  Let us hope that Anni has overcome all of her prarabhda that requires her to go through hospitals…  Pray that she no longer has to suffer through treatments and diagnostics; that the Maha-Doctor takes charge and fixes things the truely right way…
Thank-you all so much for your love and prayers…
-Link

The last four days have been a time of recuperation from the ordeal at NIH.  Until Monday, Tim and family with Rosa were here.  Every morning, Anni went for a longer and longer walk with Rosa and part of the group.  Her nausea was terrible however, and she wasn’t eating much at all. Each day started off with vomiting, and she fought to keep even liquids down.  Tuesday started off with vomiting for her.  A visit with old and rarely seen family friend, Dr. Joe John had been scheduled.  I last remember him as a small and bright eyed boy when I was in my early twenties.  His mother and Grandma were old friends.  We knew his family was Indian, but as we were in the US, somehow the discussions of ‘back home’ never took place with the press of present activities.  Young Joe went on to become a Surgeon, but an eye problem took that opportunity away.  Undaunted he acquired a second MD in anesthesiology.  He now works as a teacher at John Hopkins medical school.  They brought a lovely looking fruit pie that has those crumb and chocolate crusts.  I tried tempting Anni, who by this time, had steadfastly refused to eat anything, she again refused, giving me a dangerous look.

Shortly after everyone was settled in the living room and I was in the process of considering the necessity of serving chai and pie in the kitchen, I heard a lot of Malayalam.  I went in, and another little amazing Grace – Joe and his mother are from Trissur, Kerala!  All these years and we never knew it!  Pappu, our dear friend who has stayed on even after his brother Arun had to go back to work in Ohio, was pleasantly surprised.  I got absorbed in the conversation, and Pappu made delicious ginger chai and cut up the pie.  Joe and particularly, his mother were suitably impressed that Anni and Link spoke Malayalam that they could understand.

Dr. Joe was wonderful.  He really looks and feels like somehow he must be Amma’s brahmachari.  He is very jolly.  He laughs a lot and has a remarkable practical and humble outlook on life.  One immediately feels relaxed around him. He gave Anni a detailed, vivid description of the normal cells, tumor cells, and bystander cells present in the body, and why she had to work to keep the normal cells fed.  He described the imperative need for her to exercise her will power to override the signals her body is sending her, and to carry out those activities and food consumptions that will bring health to the normal cells, so they can kick in and do their part to fight the tumor cells.  He described how the tumor cells didn’t get the same food services as the normal cells, which is why some of the biopsy was necrotic or dead cells.  He spoke about her ability to stop the signals when they start to impact the thought wave and form different messages to send her body.  We found out about a new type of anti nausea medicine.

The end result was a smiling Anni eating her fruit pie.  Two hours later, she had more of her meds.  An hour later, she ate rice, dal, ice-cream, milk….and 15 minute later, all but the afternoon pie came up.  We all felt very sad.

Today, Wednesday,  fighting the nausea, she gingerly began her foray into the food world…with little half cups of liquids, small amounts of fruits, (baby sized Clementine’s) some kale,  some yogurt soda…Through our dear Dr. Sudharshan at NIH we were able to get a new prescription for the new nausea medicine.  By 6PM the new anti nausea medicine had kicked in, and she had a 2/3 bowl of O’s cereal – sweetened cereal in the shape of small O’s. -  then another set of her pain medicines…and, now, with the nausea under better control, is again having some Matzo meal crackers and boost – a little more concentrated than what we get in India – so far its staying down, and her eyes have their sweet brightness a little more….its been so hard for her to deal with the nausea…with the lack of appetite due to the cancer, it has been literally impossible for her to eat…

So, the great news is ANNI IS FINALLY EATING!!!!!!!!  She has begun to resist the sickness with her mind.  Until now, the body was overriding her…it’s so hard when you feel to sick to do anything, and your racked with horrendous pain…to stand up in a shambled body and affirm life – as we know and understand it.  But it seems, Joe’s message (which was really who’s?) came home to her. 

It shows me that each and every person is so important for her healing.  Each and every person has something to offer her, in a way that she can take it in.  As her mother, even if I say something similar, it is not the same as if one of you tells her….You are all the Dr.’s and the bearers of Grace for her healing…it is all our Amma working through all of you.  We are so grateful.  We are so grateful to see her trying to eat, and EATING! We only need our Amma to stand up inside Anni, and all sickness will flee.  Jago Ma Kali Jago, Jago!
-Kamala

Yesterday, Dr. P. of Neurosurgery did a lumbar puncture on Anni.  Along with blood draws and another brain scan, bone scan and the biopsy on Thursday of the tumor on the kidney, it was the last of the extractions of body fluids and tissues to diagnostic testing. I was lucky to be able to stay with Anni during the puncture and she squeezed my fingers hard. She yelled loudly at two points. The procedure seems to have affected her right leg, and it seeks to turn inward now, and is paining her significantly. At about 12PM, I suddenly felt filled with a positive lightheartedness. I really felt, Anni is going to be fine. Her time of medical suffering is over by Amma’s grace. She will begin to get better.At about 5PM, our Drs in charge team came in, and told us that preliminary findings indicated that the brain/spinal fluid was completely normal in all aspects. They don’t know what the thing is in her mid-brain. They were still not sure what kind of cancer it is, but it appears to be some sort of kidney cancer, possibly pediatric.

Even with this prognosis, I still do not feel worried. I am sure that Anni is going to get better by Amma’s divine sankalpa.  Nothing can stop that.  I do not know if She has made a sankalpa for Anni, but, I feel She has.  I feel Anni’s health and healing lay in her listening obediently to herself, and all of us helping her to. She is so kind, considerate and adjusting to people, that she does not listen to her own messages for quiet, drink, food, etc….

This morning, Anni insisted on cutting off her long hair.  It hurts her to care for it, Her arms ache, head aches, etc. despite all of our pleas for her not to do it, and promises that we would care for it…  A friend told us about an organization called “Locks of Love” in Florida which collects hair 10″ and longer to make wigs and hairpieces for people who lose their hair due to cancer and medical treatments.  It made me quite a bit sad in the heart to see my daughters’ beautiful thick braid go, but she was happy to be able to give something, do something for others in this time… so, I am also donating my old-lady locks to the effort, after all, I have far less need of locks of hair than Anni… actually, neither of us care that much, and would go for the head shave if we could, but for the sake of visible normalcy, haven’t… In her case, however, she looks like an elegant young professional type, in mine, I look like the bag-lady on the street…  When Link gets 10 inches, he will probably be sending his as well…  with his lush curls, I think whoever gets it will feel like dancing… his last shave he gave to the Lord, but…

Our dear friends who are visiting us here cut it and did the final trimming for us…

We will try to get some before and after photos of Annika up soon.

Uncle Jeff talked to the Dr.s again today, they still have no clear diagnosis, something about sarcoma, still looking pediatric… weird and horrible treatments, poor prognosis on the medical front, but not the front of God… My Lord can do anything She wants… I do not feel that Anni has anything anymore…

Thats pretty much our news to date… other friends in the medical world are making connections to Dr.’s at John Hopkins… we shall see what the Lord has in mind to show us all.
-Kamala

Dearest Friends and Family,
It has come to our attention that there are lots of wild RUMORS about Anni which we want to address,and get out of the AIR!!!!

Darling brothers and sisters, know that our precious and beautiful Lord,our Amma, is showering Her grace upon Anni and all of us. By Her grace alone, and through your prayers we were able to get Anni medical insurance - Medicaid, in 25 minutes,and Anni did not even have to be present! By Her Grace Alone, I am writing this to you from the private hospital room that is Her Grace to us, at the National Institute of Health in Bethesda, Maryland, possibly the abolute best hospital in the world… it’s a research place, that leads the world in new methods for treatement of many physical ailiments. That we got in here, is Her grace. For all the tremendous explenditure, the most modern diagnostic scans, studies, tests,etc, for the hospital room, the endless supplies of paper and disposible products and linens, etc, there is no charge to us. There are teams of doctors involved in each and every decision and direction made for Anni…  This is surely all Her Grace… is it not?  The doctors display very little ego, they are considerate,patient,the staff and nurses are all cheerful and optimistic…one night, I was crying to Amma that we were so far away even from Her devotees, and then we found out that the nurse is a Tibetan Buddhist Nun of 15 years standing!

We urgently need you all to have optimistic FAITH that Anni will be well, to pray intensely with positive feeling… one Christian African American friend of ours that we met here - a very great heart, who has tremendous faith in God, in one of her great prayers with us to Jesus, she said, “forgive us for our disbelief, for doubting you…”

We who have the great priviledge of knowing Amma, we live with the Christ… how can we feel that anything wrong will happen to Anni?

There are times, as a mother, I can’t bear her suffering…  When we first came, and saw the first Dr. A., and he outlined an aggressive plan of attack against what he thought was probably cancer in her body, I felt really sick at heart…  when she was heavily doped up with morphine the last few days, I felt really sick…  It depresses her spirit, stops the normal function of her bowels, changes her sweet personality, irritates her… and all that is stressful… we are people who never took so much as an aspirin,who worked vigorously, no matter what colds, fever or aches we had… people who love fresh air… if I have cried on your shoulder, and made you sad, realize it is only my limited mother’s view and tears… at times I need to share my pain, and seek your solace and understanding. Forgive me, if it has overwhelmed you. Know that my - really, our Anni has also another One who is not only her Mother, but her Lord, and the Love of her Life - our Amma… how can anything go wrong for her?

I only wish that all sick people could get such opportunities, could have such positive help at trying times in their lives. I wish we could bring our beloved Bombay Acchan here, and have him all loved up by the saip doctors and nurses…. That would be fun, and maybe there would be a way to make him better! I pray that the opportunities afforded to us by Gods Grace will be there for many other people as well… I wish I knew how to make it so. I hope that NIH becomes Amma’s personal institution, and that we figure out a way to get the knowledge and skills available here, available to all,and to AIMS…

So know, our darling beloved Family in God, that Anni is in great hands. Be positive about her healing, and our return to your hearts and eyesight! We have so much more that we want to do with you all! So many songs to sing, so many ways we want you to know we love you all - so,be happy, and know that Amma is healing Anni, and pray with optimism!

Remember to have optimistic faith, enthusiasm and keep joy in your hearts!
Loving you intensely,
-Kamala, Anni and Link

Dear Friends,
There are so many people who are afflicted with diseases like Anni’s, they all should obtain the benefit of your Love and Prayers. We’ve set up a prayer list. Please see it and add those people to your prayers…

If you know anybody else who should be here, just comment them in…
-Link

Today Annika had a Core biopsy of the tumor on the Kidney. This is a step up from the Fine Needle Aspiration (FNA) which was done at AIMS, with a little more risk of bleeding, etc. Annika had to starve from midnight onwards, with no water even, in preparation. They offered to connect a drip many times, but Anni didn’t want one. In the morning we had to change her pain medication from pills to injected morphene, since she was not able to have the pill without food. The morphene did not work for about 2 hrs, during which Anni was most irritable due to the pain. It also had the effect of making her quite groggy, but that has been the general effect of all the pain medications so far… The Biopsy was at 1 pm. It was performed by Dr Chang, an older, very experienced man. He patiently answered all of our questions, which was nice. He even gave me a step-by-step of what he was going to do, and went through all of our “if-then”s. We wheeled Anni there in a wheelchair, as she just was NOT up to walking. Infact, she hasn’t walked much except a little bit outside yesterday after the scans and a little around our little room. Right now she’s sleeping.

So the nurse took Anni into the proceedure room, we went out to wait. While we were waiting, we saw a little girl sitting up in her gurny attached to all sorts of tubes, with a huge line of stitches up the back of her head, looking just like a little ANGLE coming in from the ICU for a CT scan. Her dad told me her name was Kimberly, that she had had a successful Brain Tumor removal, but that her lungs had subsequently collapsed. She was 16. So please add her to your lists…

After about 45 minutes, the nurse told us that Anni’s procedure was over, that she would be out shortly. After about 15 minutes, Annika was wheeled out on a strecher, with an attached IV, etc. She was groggy, but not in pain. She told us about it, she had been concious during the whole thing, and had even seen the specimens! The Dr told us that there had been quite a bit of bleeding, he had had to embolize it with some foam pellets and Thrombin solution. However, he did not think that it was any problem. He also thought that the samples (3 of them) had been quite good, that they should be good enough for a definitive examination.

Dr Sudarshan was present during the proceedure. Oh! The LP (Lumbar Puncture) was postponed till tomorrow, since they needed Annika to be fully concious while they draw off the CSF (Cerebro-Spinal Fluid).

Finally at about 2pm we reached our room, and Annika was transferred to the bed there. She had to lie on top of the bandage until 4 pm to ensure that it clotted properly inside her. Right now it’s about 7pm, and she’s sleeping normally, awaiting a pizza to fill her stomach.
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah
-Link