Days of Rest and Grace

March 21, 2007 Kamala Amma's Grace

The last four days have been a time of recuperation from the ordeal at NIH.  Until Monday, Tim and family with Rosa were here.  Every morning, Anni went for a longer and longer walk with Rosa and part of the group.  Her nausea was terrible however, and she wasn’t eating much at all. Each day started off with vomiting, and she fought to keep even liquids down.  Tuesday started off with vomiting for her.  A visit with old and rarely seen family friend, Dr. Joe John had been scheduled.  I last remember him as a small and bright eyed boy when I was in my early twenties.  His mother and Grandma were old friends.  We knew his family was Indian, but as we were in the US, somehow the discussions of ‘back home’ never took place with the press of present activities.  Young Joe went on to become a Surgeon, but an eye problem took that opportunity away.  Undaunted he acquired a second MD in anesthesiology.  He now works as a teacher at John Hopkins medical school.  They brought a lovely looking fruit pie that has those crumb and chocolate crusts.  I tried tempting Anni, who by this time, had steadfastly refused to eat anything, she again refused, giving me a dangerous look.

Shortly after everyone was settled in the living room and I was in the process of considering the necessity of serving chai and pie in the kitchen, I heard a lot of Malayalam.  I went in, and another little amazing Grace – Joe and his mother are from Trissur, Kerala!  All these years and we never knew it!  Pappu, our dear friend who has stayed on even after his brother Arun had to go back to work in Ohio, was pleasantly surprised.  I got absorbed in the conversation, and Pappu made delicious ginger chai and cut up the pie.  Joe and particularly, his mother were suitably impressed that Anni and Link spoke Malayalam that they could understand.

Dr. Joe was wonderful.  He really looks and feels like somehow he must be Amma’s brahmachari.  He is very jolly.  He laughs a lot and has a remarkable practical and humble outlook on life.  One immediately feels relaxed around him. He gave Anni a detailed, vivid description of the normal cells, tumor cells, and bystander cells present in the body, and why she had to work to keep the normal cells fed.  He described the imperative need for her to exercise her will power to override the signals her body is sending her, and to carry out those activities and food consumptions that will bring health to the normal cells, so they can kick in and do their part to fight the tumor cells.  He described how the tumor cells didn’t get the same food services as the normal cells, which is why some of the biopsy was necrotic or dead cells.  He spoke about her ability to stop the signals when they start to impact the thought wave and form different messages to send her body.  We found out about a new type of anti nausea medicine.

The end result was a smiling Anni eating her fruit pie.  Two hours later, she had more of her meds.  An hour later, she ate rice, dal, ice-cream, milk….and 15 minute later, all but the afternoon pie came up.  We all felt very sad.

Today, Wednesday,  fighting the nausea, she gingerly began her foray into the food world…with little half cups of liquids, small amounts of fruits, (baby sized Clementine’s) some kale,  some yogurt soda…Through our dear Dr. Sudharshan at NIH we were able to get a new prescription for the new nausea medicine.  By 6PM the new anti nausea medicine had kicked in, and she had a 2/3 bowl of O’s cereal – sweetened cereal in the shape of small O’s. –  then another set of her pain medicines…and, now, with the nausea under better control, is again having some Matzo meal crackers and boost – a little more concentrated than what we get in India – so far its staying down, and her eyes have their sweet brightness a little more….its been so hard for her to deal with the nausea…with the lack of appetite due to the cancer, it has been literally impossible for her to eat…

So, the great news is ANNI IS FINALLY EATING!!!!!!!!  She has begun to resist the sickness with her mind.  Until now, the body was overriding her…it’s so hard when you feel to sick to do anything, and your racked with horrendous pain…to stand up in a shambled body and affirm life – as we know and understand it.  But it seems, Joe’s message (which was really who’s?) came home to her. 

It shows me that each and every person is so important for her healing.  Each and every person has something to offer her, in a way that she can take it in.  As her mother, even if I say something similar, it is not the same as if one of you tells her….You are all the Dr.’s and the bearers of Grace for her healing…it is all our Amma working through all of you.  We are so grateful.  We are so grateful to see her trying to eat, and EATING! We only need our Amma to stand up inside Anni, and all sickness will flee.  Jago Ma Kali Jago, Jago!
-Kamala


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