We’ve recently been having issues with this site.  Due to some unavoidable changes in our servers, we’ve lost much of our content here on Tale of Grace, mostly during the years of 2009 to 2013, and have been unable to recover it.

Do you have records of our posts during that time?  I know that we did have automated emails of the new posts sent to people… perhaps you still have them in your inbox?

If so, please get in touch with us.  We really want to get back the records of that period of our lives.

Thank you!
Brother Link.

I remember one summer, Amma was gone from the ashram, and many were pining inwardly. Br. Shubhamrita gave a satsang to westerners, and in it discussed that our Holy Mother Amma had said that She had given each person, each child of Hers, precious memories of interactions with Her, and that these should be reflected and contemplated deeply upon, they are the gifts from the Divine Grace, for our growth. And that these gifts were from Her, to us, for the upliftment of not only ourselves, but, the world as well.

I was in awe to hear this, and realize that Amma was giving EVERYONE these priceless building blocks. We cannot even intellectually grasp the selfless mystery of the Guru! Don’t go to the place where your mind whines, “But how come I only saw Her for 5 minutes in my life, or once, and that from a distance, and others have had years with Her as seeming intimates?”

Physical proximity and length of time around Amma’s form is meaningless in the face of the Omni-Omni-Omni – Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Omniscient. It all has to do with one’s open-ness. She has so many times given the analogy: the mosquito and the milkmaid both touch the cows udder. One takes blood, the other milk. She has given the analogy of the landlord who had two workers. One stayed near the landlord, fussing about him or this or that. The most the landlord could do with him was send him to fetch tea. The other went and took care of the landlords property. Amma asked, “Which one do you think the landlord valued more?”

I remember once, Holy Mother Amma coming into the prayer hall for satsang. Her enthusiasm to come and be with everyone, is always a joy to behold. For reasons known only to themselves, people line up on either side of the narrow path that She will walk to Her chair. I have at different times been part of this tunnel, but, somehow, perhaps because of some sociological and anthropological education and perspective, soon began to observe the human grouping and behaviour, the purposes behind it, and began to distance myself from it. I explained what I was seeing to my children, and they likewise gained their own understanding and perspective. Not that this was always the case, Amma is the Heart within All. Everyone deeply longs to experience that Heart, that fullness of pure love in whatever way possible.

To our absolution, She has said that to a certain extent, we cannot help ourselves. It is a driven response of the heart, that sees and recognises even briefly, its own soul, shining so beautifully in Amma, for, as She has said repeatedly, She is not the body, She is consciousness.

As it is, Amma has literally to move through a human tunnel, of grinning teeth, many times desperate eyes, and hands with fingers and nails reaching out to touch her. This tunnel is often 3-4 people deep. In their desperation to touch Amma in the split second that She will pass them, many reach out and grab at Her, some even try to touch her cheek, seeking to caress her, as they would a beloved. I have seen people in these times, miss, and inadvertently, touch her eyeball, and scratch Her face accidentally, and unknowingly. Walking with Her hands up in front of Herself as a form of blessing, at those times, Amma is unable to even comfort Her eye with Her own hand. I have seen people lunging over those infront of them, to touch Her, knocking them off balance, and in that lunge giving Amma a touch that is very hard.

For nearly a year, Holy Mother Amma had been asking people not to touch her when She was coming and going. She told us that the touches were hurting Her body. That it was like needles. Then knives. In many ways, She sought to awaken compassion and thinking, and reformed action. To no avail. This day, She gave up. When She got to Her chair, She sat down and said, “Amma will take your blows if that is what it takes for you to bless yourselves!”

Since then, the tunnel has grown closer, thicker, and now for some years, ropes are often used to keep the devotees at bay even inside the ashram. I love Amma’s devotees, my Guru brothers and sisters!  I love to see the expressions of devotion to Amma. It is sad to see the devotees behind ropes like animals, to see the increasing security. Everyone only loves Her. But there is no reflection.

I was thinking on what She said, “Amma will take your blows if that is what it takes for you to bless yourselves!”

Amma has said that God’s Grace is ever flowing to us. It never stops. Pondering always on the “what it takes for you to bless yourselves!” part, I was happy this morning to find a satsang from a Swami named Chidanand, of the Anandashram in northern Kerala. It addressed so perfectly this point, I wanted to share it with you all. I wish myself also to deeply absorb it. Wherever we put the light of the mind, there we see what is waiting for us.

Here it is:

No One Can Give You Salvation

Radiant Atman! This morning I share something with you that came to me from across the Ganga. Yesterday afternoon a holy man was admonishing gathered seekers and devotees at Swarg Ashram, and as it was otherwise quiet, I could hear what he was saying over the loudspeaker. Hew was telling them that all individual souls who are striving to attain the good life, striving for self-realization, which is the purpose of human birth, it is better, early or late, that they should know one truth, very, very clearly, and it is this: “No one can give salvation to any individual except that individual himself or herself.”

He was saying: “You have to work for liberation form sorrow and the attainment of bliss; no one can give it to you; you obtain it by your own effort. In spite of all that has been said about Guru’s grace and divine kripa and miracles, nevertheless, the truth is that supreme state of blessedness is something you can give to yourself; no one else can give it to you.”

He went on to elaborate: ~What is it hat makes it so very specific that it is the seeking soul that must ultimately grant to itself whatever it wishes to attain? Abundant divine grace of the Lord Almights is always available; it is never denied, it is every available. But it will enter into your being and transform you only if you open yourself to it. If you do not open yourself to it, then there is no means by which grace can force itself into you, try to do something against your wish, will and co-operation.”

Coming to the practical aspect in the life of the seeker, he went on: “What is it that enables the seeker to attain grace, and what is it that prevents one from attaining grace? You will attain grace if you always place yourself in from of the Lord. If you want grace you must face the Divine.

You must place yourself in the presence of the Divine, and you must lift up your face and look at the Divine. As long as your attention is diverted to other things, to that extent, it is you yourself who deprive yourself of His grace, no He. His grace is abundantly present at all times, to all biengs.”

He then gave two examples. One is, a number of earthen pots are left outside during the rainy season. Some face upwards towards the sky, some are on their side, some are upside down.

Whe the rain falls, only those pots that are upright, open to the skies, will be fully filled. In the self-same open space and rain, those on their side will be partially filled and those that are upside down will receive nothing.

He gave another analogy: “On a day when the sun is shining brightly, if you open all the doors and shutters, your house will be brilliantly lit up, illumined. But if you close the doors and shutters, sunlight may be everywhere else, but the inside of your house will be in darkness.”

“In this way,” he said, “it is only you who can give liberation to yourself, not anyone else, because it depends upon whether or not you recognize this truth. If we expose ourselves to God, God pours into us, and blesses us and makes our life divine. If we are not ever in a state of being exposed to Divinity, then naturally, our life to that extent, will be denied divinity, peace, bliss, light.

He said, “The onus, the main responsibility, is on the seeking soul and not upon God. God did not want to lay the responsibility of granting liberation upon God. Therefore, you must face the fact that it is you who can give liberation to yourself, for God’s grace, that grants liberation, is always available; it is never denied, never withheld.”

This is the truth. I am thankful I have been able to share this with your for your sincere reflection.

- Swami Chidanand, Anandashram

And we all know that this is the truth.  But, this world has never seen Amma.  Amma is our Mother.  Somehow, in the face of that truth….

loving you,

Aunty Kamala

 

In 1993, along with some friends, Link, Anni and I started the “Northeastern Connecticut Tibetan Awareness Society.” At that time, I was working at the University of Connecticut. Using my position, I was able to arrange talks and presentations about numerous topics requiring our intellectual concern. Through this medium, we arranged lectures and events with several Tibetan people, all of whom became our cherished friends. Some, the children and I were also able to get into local highschools to speak as well.

One of our Tibetan guests, was the Great Soul of Venerable Palden Gyatso. We met him in 1993. It was his first trip abroad, after his release a year earlier from 36 years in Chinese Prisons in Tibet. What was so uniquely astounding about this simple, humble, honest, direct and resolute monk, is that despite imprisonment for over ½ his life, despite the total inhumanity he experienced, the demoralization he saw human beings participating in, he harbours no ill-will. He is filled with love and invincible faith in the human spirit and human rights.

His life story is told in his gripping autobiography, Fire Under the Snow. Many of the events that he experienced which he told us in that first year out have not been included, perhaps because of their inhuman gruesomeness, which seems so incredible. But, more evidence is coming out now from nuns and monks who have escaped from Tibet. Its heart-sickening.

In 1993, on his maiden trip to the USA, he stayed in our home for 3 days. The love-power he had was such that all our housepets – a cat named Radhika-Rani, a dog named Kashi, a parakeet named Peter and a guinea pig named Kokila – all clustered around him, ignoring their instinctual tendencies towards each other. Radhika-Rani, Kashi and Kokila would put themselves right under his chair, while Peter jumped and fluttered around his head.

At that time, I inquired how he had been able to maintain an open and loving heart despite the terrible inhumanity he was faced with. He told us that after the torture sessions which were every 14-21 days, he was often unconscious due to the violence. As he came to, he would work on relaxing and dissolving the tension in his body. He said that his religion, Buddhism, taught him that inhumane behaviour comes out of ignorance. He would reflect on this until he was able to feel no hatred or animosity towards the sick individuals (very often brainwashed Tibetan guards themselves) who had violated all norms of human sanctity.

Amnesty International took interest in his case and had begun a process with the Chinese government seeking his release. By God’s Grace, he survived the last torture session which was meant to do him in. An electric cattle prod was forced into his mouth and his teeth were blown out. When he regained consciousness, he was choking on his blood and tooth remains. After he escaped, he met with His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama, who told him to write a book about his experiences. I have included a series of photographs here of sketches made from the descriptions of Tibetan political prisoners, men and women, who escaped. Many of these were his experience. He was also scalded with boiling water. These photos are deeply disturbing. They were hanging in the walls of the Gu-Chu-Sum building, an organization devoted to helping Tibetan political refugees in Dharamshala. Gu-Chu-Sum provides jobs, pensions, housing for these poor broken people, escaping and living only on hope for many years through unbelievable human darkness. Only look at them after your food has digested and with the inner recognition that they are the result of darkest human ignorance. They are based upon the truthful testimony of numerous monks and nuns. We really have to pray for the people who do such things. I can’t imagine more wretched creatures than those who inflict such suffering on other.  If you click on the item below, you will come to the photo album.

Ven. Palden Gyatso, Dharamshala
When we met in 1993, Ven. Palden Gyatso had only a hut in Dharamshala, no pensions or steady income. Over the years, his numerous travels abroad, have brought him international attention. He is now one of Tibet’s most famous political prisoners. In 1996, he was honoured by the US Senate. See Album.

Over the years, I have asked everyone who has told me they had gone to Dharamshala if they had met him. No one had. We had no idea if he was even still alive. Our very first hour in Dharamshala, we were sitting on the small terrace of our hotel room, which overlooked a busy footpath. Happy to meet friendly, smiling people, we were busy saying Namaste, or Tashi Delek, as the case may be, to the pedestrians that smiled our way. In a few moments, we met Tsetin, a Tibetan historian and scholar, who actually knew of Ven. Palden Gyatso. He made arrangements to meet us in the next morning, and escort us to his home. Over the years, some kind people sponsored a small house for him that is quite close to Namgyal Monastery and Temple, the area where HH Dalai Lama stays.

The next morning, our first morning in Dharamsala, we eagerly went to his home, but he wasn’t there. Then, Tsetin told us that it was possible that he was down by the temple area, as HH Dalai Lama was returning that very morning from a trip to the Scandinavian countries. Link and I were most surprised, and hastened to the rapidly swelling ‘darshan’ line-up…much like with Amma, but, less crowded and more decorous. Tsetin recommended we wait in one area, where he felt the Dalai Lama would be travelling up the road to. Link and I did, and were standing on the less populated side of the road when HH Dalai Lama went by. To our amazement, he turned towards us in his car, and greeted us. It was a great joy in our hearts, to see our dearly Beloved Dalai Lama again after so many years, to feel that he had seen us as well.

After that we again went towards Ven. Palden Gyatso’s house with Tsetin. Again, he was not there. Once more, Tsetin fortuitously spoke, “He might be coming up the path.” And so it was. In a few moments, we beheld him once more, after so many years. He is now 79 years old. He appears to have aged very little. Tsetin introduced us, I showed him a photo of the kids when he had last seen them. He remembered Anni, and was saddened to learn she had left her form, and marveled at the huge baby boy, now Link. He took us into his humble abode, and we spent a few happy hours, talking about all kinds of things. We made arrangements to interview him later for some ideas that came to mind. On another occasion, we brought other ashram friends to see him as well.

He now lives a simple monks’ life, in quietness and peace. He told us he does his practices between 4-10 AM, sees people, or goes out, between 10-4 PM, and again does his practices and studies from 4-10 PM.

Tibetan Buddhism gave education through its monasteries and nunneries. There were some that offered fantastic education, and others that were more mediocre. What was amazing it that, through this system, the entire human culture was geared to a simple fact – education was to know Truth, and the capacity to know that Truth is inside ourselves. Skill education, which is what education is called now, was kept simple. The result of all of this was a cultured human civilization, geared towards ahimsa that lived lightly upon the earth, nurtured the environment and did not cause pollution. Tibet, the land of snows, the great snows that feed the Ganga, the Indus, the Selveen, the Brahmaputra, the Mekong, the Yangtse and the Yellow Rivers, the waters for all Asia, was under careful stewardship. Not that there weren’t problems. I don’t feel that women received their due at all. Its clear there were rich and poor. But, people generally had a high level of life contentment and social peace.

If you would like to enrich your lives and that of organizations and groups of people that you may know of, through having a Tibetan political prisoner speak, please contact:
Gu-Chu-Sum at www.guchusum.org or email them at guchusummt@yahoo.com
Let us all use our invincible human spirits to stand up for human rights and Earth rights, the rights of the creation here with us.
Loving you,
Kamala, Anni and Link

There comes a point when one wonders whether keeping silent in the face of bad behavior is no longer a virtue, when done in the hope that those perpetuating it will reflect on themselves.
Some think that many are silent because they have been intimidated.  Other times, people mistake silence as an unspoken agreement or tacit approval of their behavior.

I know that for myself and for the vast majority of people, good at heart, our silence comes from a deeper seeing – that _respects_ the potential for the ‘humane-ity’ to come out of the wrong doing person, leadership or community.  We are silently aghast at the stupidity of those being violent, cunning, and crude.  We hope that they will review their actions in their minds, and alter their considerations.

But this doesn’t happen.  And in this expectation, we the good, the vast silent majority, are fools.  We sit while Governments and Generals declare senseless wars and kill our children and other people’s children.  We shake our heads, while corporations swallow the earth’s natural riches, and pollute every molecule on the planet, and media demoralizes us and our kids.  We don’t raise our voices for our children to have a genuinely meaningful education.  We go along with one that teaches them to fit in nicely into a corrupt and sick social and economic, planetary order.

The planet is in an ethical crises of the worst magnitude, and we, the silent good, have become morally weak.  We close our eyes to the slave treatment of “workers” and the poor.  We rationalize our selfishness before starving beggars, citing incidents of lauded newspaper accounts, written by people who feel assured of eating three times a day for the rest of their lives – newspaper stories of the beggar found to be holding on to one or two lakhs of rupees somewhere.  We then disengage ourselves from our responsibility to the suffering with our new smug understanding of how really, they are quite well off.

I have even heard esteemed people repeat such lies, undoubtably told to then until they were brainwashed: ‘The poor in Delhi don’t want a two rupee cup of tea if they can pay five for it.’
It is we who are to blame for the wretched condition human civilization now faces.  We have been silent in the face of injustice, cruelty, barbarianism, and perversity of all types.  We are confused, dis-united.  We the good, just want to enjoy our goodness with our own like-minded.  If at all we raise our voices – it is for a few moments only, and then we sink back into our comfortable reveries, our loving relations.

Yet in my observations, evil, the bad-behaved, has it’s root in self-aggrandizement in innumerable forms, which seeks power, fame, gain, position, which feeds itself in anger expressed, and can also act out of shame (and that one can be the worst) – this Evil never takes a break, never takes a vacation.  It is relentless.  We the good are mistaken in ever thinking that it will stop on this earth.  It is a force.

This is not to say that an evil-doing person is without good qualities.  But I think many people use the ‘grey area’ argument to avoid responsibility.  It seems that it is imperative now for the silent vast majority to get off our couches and become activists for what is righteous.  If we can’t become as relentless as evil, we can at least try.  We can start with breaks, instead of whole vacations from our vigilance.  We have been given voices, and the power of speech to stand up for righteousness.  To not exercise this precious human right and duty is where we sink into sloth.

At least, this is how I have always counselled Link and Anni, and tried to show them through my own example.  It’s not easy.  We walk alone.  A great strength comes, however, from leaning on the truth within.

Living in a community calls for a lot of compromises, and a lot of tolerance and patience.  However, there is a delicate line between the exercise of these virtues, and genuine personal sloth before unrighteousness, bad behavior, and brutality.

The nature of community life, no matter what kind, tends to flow towards gossip, conservatism, and superstition, which brings in its wake, an undercurrent of covert violence demanding conformity, which can sometimes (depending on the rigidity of the community, eg. as with cults) express itself in sudden bursts of overt violence and brutality to members and individuals who do not conform to group norms, despite their being non-violent, truthful, hardworking, helpful people.  This can include ostracisms, actual beating up of people, property destruction, and even violence and murder of innocent animals.  All this we have witnessed and experienced.  That this occurs at all demonstrates the deep level of sickness in the Community Soul that such conservatism fosters.

This has nothing to do with the _ideals_ that foster community life – ahimsa, truthfulness, selflessness, tolerance and patience.  It is the result of evil entering the minds of people through the desire of self aggrandisement – this we see in the wretched work of China’s policy towards the Tibetan people, this we see in communities, ashrams, and even families.  This is because community life in it’s conservative-mode fosters heirarchy.

An ashram, in it’s ideal, is a theocracy.  A satguru is the unquestioned leader.  They attain that position by virtue of their inner merit.  NO ONE can make anybody a SAT-GURU.  To even suggest such a thought is delusion itself.

That people then organise themselves under a Satguru into heirarchical positions in relation to each other, although they are all equal children of the Satguru, comes again from the conservative-mode operating in community life.

That this type of heirarchy did not occur in the past in the ancient gurukuls, we understand from the story of Krishna and his poor friend that brought him the parched rice who had been an equal member of the Gurukul with him in their student days.  That equality was internally felt, and externally expressed, which is why, when they finally met each other after many years, even though Krishna was a great king, and his friend an impovershed villager needing his assistance, they still met externally in acknowledgement of their internal equality.  One doesn’t read of His friend bowing, fawning, and scraping the ground in front of Him, kissing his feet, rubbing his ankles.  No.  They met as social equals as they had been in the days of the Gurukul.  True, his friend was a little shy to give his gift of parched rice to one who was now a king, but that had to do with his post-gurukul conditioning.  Just as Amma loves Channa, Krishna loved parched rice.

But those were ancient days, and this is now.  However, these stories serve as models to inspire us as to how to manifest the ideal in action.

The very second that structures of high and low, important or unimportant, somebody or nobody (I have actually heard people refer to others as ‘nobodies’ many times in community life) are accepted by the group, that second does power and its handmaidens of fear, intimidation, and their consorts – brutality and violence – come into being.

This is why I believe that a new political and social conciousness in all types of community life needs to replace these worn out patterns that enculture confusion or moral sloth on the part of good people, and the rise of the brute in the evil minded.  This heirarchal type of thinking is from Kali yuga, or feudal mindsets, and does not belong in practice if we are to usher in a better day for humanity and Nature.  If genuine democratic change does not start in institutions meant to foster an ethical life, where will it start?  And how will it influence the people?  It seems to me futile (if not downright hypocritical) for institutions or communities, living in countries bound by the Universal Declaration of Human Rights of 1948 to spout about the equality of man, while following non democratic conservative mode patterns of political social structure.  In order for the Universal Declaration of Human rights to become the Norm, we need new political and social structures in all types of communities and institutions.  The Universal Declaration of Human rights does not leave religious groups out of its purview.  We should rise to its noble call. It is the Shastra for our time.

An ashram should be a pure theocracy while the Satguru is in form. In that, there is only one ‘Theos’.  More than one person in that position harms the role of the Satguru.  In order for the community to fulfill the loving family wishes of the Satguru, directly under his or her theocracy,  it is necessary for communities with larger than family size populations to embrace participatory democracy, everyone on socially equal footing as in the Gurukul that Lord Krishna was in.  Anything else brings the rise of powerful kings and petty tyrants as well as sickens the mind of the community as a whole.  That mind, is the community Soul.  If we truly love our communities, we will seek to ethically serve its Soul, for in doing so, we serve all.
These are just my observations, born of our experiences.  I share them because I want to raise my voice.  I for one, am getting very fed up with the violence and brutality, the harming and killing of innocent animals brought about by the conservative-mode in community life.  I seek it’s cessation.  God help me to go further, if need be.

Seeking your prayers for our safety and well being,
Loving you,
Kamala, Anni, and Link

In our recent travels in India, we have come across a cultural phenomenon that is, I think, unique to India.  The Rich Indian Family on Holiday.

Disclaimer: Realize that I speak by way of stereotypical generalization.

Rich Indians are tourists in their own country.  Carefully educated towards the echelons of corporate life, self-considered to have supremo status, used to the pampering of servile people around them who readily tolearate their obnoxious behaviours to see these people interacting with others is like watching a circus: when the stupid, foolish, and boorish clowns come in.

If these people represent educated and priviledged people in India, then India is in BIG TROUBLE.

They certainly exhibit a lack of personal culture.  The behavior one sees is so obnoxious as to be unbelievably absurd.

In my youth, I heard people decring the Rich fat Indians paddeling their boats, so to speak, in Indian contexts outside their normal circles.  Engrossed as I was with other things besides the ‘bazaar scene,’ like hiking in the himalayan countryside, I didn’t observe this much in my youth.

In college I saw it more, and was a little chilled in heart to observe how the rich stabilize their position in relation to others.  Then I was young, a single woman, foreigner, and I suppose attractive (although I prefer the reality-check that an Ashram Sister gave me: even a donkey is beautiful in it’s youth.) I had easy access to rich and poor alike.  The rich considered me one of their own, and when I was with them, included me in their conciousness of social positions, aspirations, etc.

Their lack of equal respect towards those they considered beneath them made my heart shrink inside.  I always felt as though I was choking around them.  Their circle of love was terribly conditioned and limited.  My being felt constricted.  Nature was my only respite.
Now, I am old.  I think I must look very old.  One person in his mid-forties, less than a decade younger than me, asked if I was around 75!  What to say.  My life has been very tough.  My heart and humane expectations of others have been broken again and again, ad nauseum.  What to do?  We have to go on, digging deeper, striving for some light of wisdom and understanding, inspite of it all.

Since Anni left her form, It is my wish to wear always the same style sari that she was cremated in.  I never want to forget for one second, the utter impermanence of this world in every aspect.  So, outwardly, the Rich foreigner is gone.  This removes me securely from the fold of the rich.  Appearing to be without funds, without much family, without possible influence, without personal decoration, I am now invisible to the rich on holiday.  It’s dryly amusing.

I watch, as some seek to teach me my position — I mean, one puts up with this to a sickening degree in the ashram, where many of Amma’s sons and daughters jockey for position over one another.  One even witnesses people putting themselves “under” others in gratuitous ways.  It’s all high drama; we observe with amazement.

But I had somehow hoped that such stupidity was the special purview of Amma’s work with these individuals in the Ashram and at her programs during the tours, which is all we have really seen of India in the last 10 years.

In the popular hill stations – Dalhousie, Simla, Mussorie, Almora, Dharamsala, Darjeeling, Jammu – the pre-monsoon summer brings out the rich Indian tourist in droves.  Tibetan people throng the hill stations where the climate is a little more bearable for them (now there’s a guest worthy of reverence: the spirituality of the Tibetan presence in Dharamsala, with it’s numerous monasteries and nunneries is palpable).  Link and I were in the middle of a Momo (Steamed tibetan vegtable dumpling) Transaction – 4 or 5 for Rs 10, when one late-twenties Rich Indian Tourist interrupted our quiet and orderly proceedings.  The momo lady, being poor and culturally acclimatised, gave way to the rich Indian.  I was also “poor,” so, I could wait while she attended to the demanding needs of the big-baby rich boy.  The Poor expect each other to have understanding, as they grapple with the self-centeredness of the rich.

First he demanded his plate of momos.  It was quickly delivered.

Next he said, “What am I to eat it with?”

Chilli sauce was added.  It was explained that he could eat it like that.

Then the lady said “Ten Rupees.”

Suddenly, Big-boy was quiet, and she was given time to finish with us.

These people are amazing.  They cruise the streets like they think they are movie stars, their big abdomens clearing the way before them; their eyes rotating in their sockets, as they scroll the scenes around them, looking to see who they think is who, who they think they should see and be seen by.  It’s pretty pathetic.  Add to this the fact that most Indians coming to the ashram and staying are from the upper stratas of society.  They can’t quite do the Rich-Tourist thing, as the ashram is an uncertain place, a new territory in which many are not sure who is who.  Some figure they know who’s who, and act accordingly.  Many of the very poor have told us that they are not welcome in my home-Amritapuri.  We have seen what happens to some of them.  It breaks our hearts.

Since all our answers are inside us, I have asked myself a few questions about the rich, Indian tourist – a shade above the bully.

I see that this gross, self-centered, uncultured display comes from the embrace of false and short-sighted ideals.  Their education, family life, and the appetites that money can create and temporarily satisfy, have geared them towards societies of physical enjoyments and their conceptions of lifestyles there: US, EU, AU, SA, etc…

This is combined with cultural ideals that they have picked up from movies 鈥?one outstanding ideal for men is the “Bachelor hero.” For women, it seems to be the “Wilting sexy sop.” Add to the filmy ideals extended family, generational influence, and numerous other factors, including the ideal of the “Big Man” (which I have yet to discuss).  Put it all together, and we have a fairly immature human being who is prone to short uprisings as the “Hero” ideal indicates, but in whom, generally, kindness, consideration, and Love exist only as paying policies.  And so many aspire to be like this.

Of course, I can be just as harsh on people from my own background of rich, majority-white countries.  And I am aghast at the behaviour of many.  Many western people mistake the patient and tolerant attitude of Indians towards their cultural ignorance, and the respectful attitude given to foreigners for being the Guest, to be an indication of some sort of recognition of their own personal superiority.  As we are neither/nor, all these attitudes we find silly and irksome.

In High School, I rebelled against my western peers, who placed Indians outside of themselves.  In the ashram, this is extreme.  Predominantly white people from rich countries have built their own enclave, the “Western Cafe”  Parents bring their children to India, and the children eat pizza, drink coke, and learn very little about India.  Fortunately, because it is the Ashram, they atleast can experience the joy of selfless service through their work at the western cafe.  However it’s beyond my understanding how parents don’t seek to utilize every moment of their children’s precious childhood for positive and ethical ends, but leave them to theirselves.  Anyhow.  There is a palpable antagonism between Indians and westerners in the ashram which doesn’t exist outside of it.  I have always ascribed this to Amma’s attempt to help Indians stop treating white skinned people in servile ways.  So, the pendulum hasn’t swung to the center of the simple “Human being” yet, and people have huge brainwashings towards each other, which have replaced other huge brainwashings and conditionings.
We only have one real duty outside of ourselves: to treat each other with kindness and respect.  Spirituality, I think, is really the art of unbrainwashing ourselves from all the false conditionings we have gotten and given to each other.

May we all strive to live, learn, and be, in the truth of our inescapable oneness.
Loving you, Kamala Aunty.

Dearest Friends and Family,

Yesterday, Tuesday, May 26, 2009, was Amma’s Father- Sugunanandan-Acchan’s 86^th birthday. It was so sweet. The bell rang around 10:45, the residents filled the Bhajan hall, where Amma sings evening Bhajans. A smaller area had been made within it, screened off with the palm thatch screens, which are simply beautiful.  There was a chair and table for Acchan to sit and speak at, with decorative religious cloths spread over. Amma’s large photo altar was nearby, festooned in flowers, with trays of flowers beneath it. It was a quietly elegant atmosphere.

First came Damayanti-Amma, she was brought in, in a chair, everyone stood-up. We have not gotten to see her for quite a few days, and it seems more decline is occuring. For a while, and at several points during the talk and event, it appeared she was cognizant of the crowd avidly watching her. At other moments, she seemed to snooze a little, at one point, everyone was quite on the edge of their seats, in fear that she would fall over, when Sajini, the youngest daughter and sister of Amma, went and sat on the floor near her.

Sugunanandan-Acchan was also brought in a wheelchair. The general decline in their physical health, was, I feel, hard for everyone to see.  Last year, he could walk over to his chair. Nonetheless, Sugunanandan-Acchan was able to get out of the wheelchair and into the other chair, and address the audience. Swami Turiyamrita, gave him a beautiful kavi (ochre-orange) shawl, which Acchan wore for the duration. It was obvious that despite physical limitations, his mind is completely clear. I realized watching them both sitting there, that Acchan has a great intellectual brilliance about him, he has Tejas, intellectual vitality. Owing to the poverty of his youth, other factors did not perhaps allow him to shine in the numerous ways that he might have otherwise. When one is busy striving to feed, clothe and educate those around you, there is not much time for other things….including wrong things and wrong thinkings.

It seems that material difficulties can in many ways be blessings. I remember during Anni’s leaving time, we were reading some teachings from Abdul Baha to her. In one of them, he was discussing the education of children, and noted how it was important to face certain trials, hardships and deprivations in youth. I believe this is so that our outlook in the future, towards all things, bears the Stamp of Reality with it. Only those with time on their hands can develop their perversions, including intellectual perversions that make us use our intellects for creating, sustaining, useless things, things harmful to the earth, manipulations and machinations against each other. When we just look at what the human intellect has done to the planet, we can see it has been wrongly applied. Hard work is a great moral sustainer, and cleanser. More and more, I appreciate Gandhi’s emphasis on Bread labour.

People who never experience physical want in anyway, have little patience, tolerance, wisdom or sense of duty. Poverty makes the priorities real, duty clearer. We see in the massive labor force in India, children under 16 year old, the fine and upright, dutiful sons of many a family. They leave their villages, and go out, far from their homes, far from people who speak their mother-tongues, to responsibly hold down a job, begining their life careers which hold little to no advancement, no retirement packages. They work as daily wage slaves, sending the money home so the rest of the family can eat, or get to school. I have not seen on a general level, this type of sense of duty and ability to assume responsibility in any western nation. Not that all the poor learn the lessons right, but, generally speaking, it is so.

Because of the material deprivations of her youth, Amma is fully aware of the real value of things.  Amma gives this description of both the educative and Reality Stamp value of material hardship in early youth:

“Amma grew up knowing hardship. She knows the value of each paisa. She has had to struggle just to get enough firewood to make tea. Because She knows the hardships of poverty, She doesn’t let even a speck go to waste. When She sees a piece of wood She thinks about its value and how it can be used. But if you children saw it lying in your path, you’d just kick it away. Or if you saw it lying in the rain, you’d never think of picking it up, drying it and saving it. Children, would we throw away a five paisa coin? No, because it’s five paisas. Without dry firewood, how can we cook anything? Even if we hold hundreds of rupees in our hands, we still need firewood to light a fire, don’t we? We should be aware of the value and possible use of everything. Then we won’t allow ourselves to waste anything.” (from Eternal Wisdom 2:176-177.)

This awareness is actually the experience of the majority of human beings. Most of the people on the planet are not having adequate food, clothing or shelter, as we all see, and the education we receive does not really inspire us to do anything about this situation.

I really don’t know what Sugunanandan-Acchan said, it was all in Malayalam with no translation. The entire time, a mynah bird was singing its heart out at the edge of the big hall, near the pillars. I think it was the same one that is actually singing during archana every morning in the small garden areas that surround Amma’s room. I’m sure the talk Acchan gave had charming and beautiful stories about Amma, Damayanti-Amma, and earlier life. Amma’s devotion to Damayanti-Amma in her childhood was unparalleled. At several points, the audience who could understand laughed. When he intially started speaking, Acchan’s voice was quite weak, but as his talk wore on, it became firmer and clearer.

In the end, we all came up to pay our respects to our beloved Parents, and were treated to ‘Unni-appam’ a kind of deep-fried sweet-bread, particular to Kerala. Like most Indian sweets, you have one, and you kind of crave another one. This kind is very oily. I remember once when Amma was offered one, she squoze the oil of it onto her arms, legs and hands, and rubbed it into her skin. I thought she was telling us all that the oil had better places than inside the body.

Its interesting. I remember a few years ago, say 20, in the US, there was a conscious and deliberate marketing shift to target 12 year olds. With this shift, which was designed to create a few more years of high consumption levels of diposable items, so a few people could amass more and more, the entire focus on people shifted also., 45 came to be viewed as ‘ old’. Now that the 1960 babies are all in their 50’s the marketing strategies have changed again, trying to psyche people into being sexy-sixty year olds, busy with self-gratuitous entertainments. Really, its a relentless pounding on the psyche in the media, buy! Covet! Get! Experience! Adventure!More!More! More! This is now going on in India, all over the world. Those exposed to it all are sick of it, but the new generations, just getting indoctrinated and conditioned, have yet to get sick of it. With the new marketing shift, it seems alot of people think there is nothing to see or gain in growing old, only to
dread, and deny, with creams, dyes, cosmetic operations, and so forth.

In India, we see that Ayurveda holds that a person does not really begin to unfold their wisdom in its fullness, till around 60 years. There are age limits on how young a President can be in the US. (must be at least 45 years of age), regulations put in when society was not yet blinded to the genuine wisdom that a mature human being who has intelligently digested their life experience bears as a gift for the guidance of the rest of the society. The maturing process has so much to teach us personally, and society wis­e, That we should dread, rather than welcome it only shows our complete ignorance, the extent to which we have bought into all the lies crammed down our throats, and stuffed into our eyes, ears and nostrils. I personally, am grateful to be getting older, the distracting fascinations of youth fade away, and the crystal within becomes more clear.

Even the debilitations of age, although sometimes frustratin’ are nothing to fear, for we gain new eyes , new hands, a different mind, and new things to see, new perspectives. What is real, eternal, lasting, worthwhile, becomes more succinct.  We get wonderful lessons, whose import we understand. We see larger patterns, in the chaotic swirl around, the impenetrable screen between the I-mind and the universal mind becomes more porous. Who would want to deny all that? Those who are younger, or have not matured, cannot really understand the fruits of maturity in life…hence the long recognized need of respect and reverence towards the aged. Oftentimes, I have felt embarrassed for older people, watching younger people actually ‘baby-talk’ them. I have seen the older person take it all in good resignation, yet, it is clear that they are in an entirely different space from the person treating or communicating with them in that way. They are patient, tolerant, forgiving,
in a very deep way, as with a child, which the glib younger is utterly unaware of.

Nobody, it seems really talks or thinks about these things.

Societies that sincerely honor the participation of the aged, gain the benefit of all of their digested maturity, and run smoothly, the children raised in peaceful harmony, raised well, with care and attention. They are the wise people, to whom all turn for advice on any course of action. This guidance, is ideally suited to its time and place through each aging person who has learned all the pitfalls and nuances of their clime and age, in their own unique way. It is an evolutionary way to keep humam society on ethical track. I guess that is what Amma meant, when she said once that we are all ‘Incarnations’ . Or at least, that’s one way to look at that teaching.

It was how all human society went on for milleniums, until the hell-hound of unbridled greed and marketing came, were everything and everyone tries to sell themselves. Now our aged, many of them, ruined by societies that value the material rather than the Real, the Eternal, the Reality, are confused, immature, unable to cope and unwanted, unvalued by society and family. For in denying their own natural maturing processes, they have become miserable within themselves, and many are not wise giving people filled with Love.

This is not the case with Amma’s parents. Damayanti-Amma literally exudes a beautiful fragrance of peace and Beauty. We see in her the fruit of the human being’s feminine maturity, despite the limitations and deprivations she materially experienced in much of her life. The experience of a mature human being is something very sweet and cherishable. Their presence in society literally helps others to recognise the value of the ethical ideal, over temporal distractions. Real human maturity faces truth, nakedly., and stays there, with its new eyes, hands, mind, perceptions, its new internal body, it doesn’t deny itself. It’s such a great light, that it reflects back into the society as ineffable sweetness.

It was a precious and rare event for the ashram as a whole. I honestly do not know if we will be so fortunate again. These are the Great Grand-Parents of the whole place. Here is a photo Sugunanandan Acchan gave to us to use. It was just a few years ago. In it, both Sugunandan Acchan and Damayanti-Amma have just been garlanded with huge lotus-bud malas, made by Japanese devotees who had come to see them.

All those of you who have aged parents, grandparents, relatives and friends, please enjoy them and learn from them, seek their advices while you can, and please give them our Pranaams, in honor of Sugunanandan-Acchan Jayanti.

Loving you,

Kamala Aunty

Sugunanandan Acchan and Damayanti Amma

As most of you know, we live here in Amma’s Ashram in Amritapuri.  Having met Amma, and sensing the reality of Love in operation within her, as Herself, we were thrilled to be able to live in the community she has created,  in the hope of being able to fully embrace the ideals that she stands for.

When we came,  we were one of the few American families.  We may be the only ones now, and we’ve become externally alot smaller….there are many more families here,  but not American….I know that our friends in the USA have had their doubts about the path that we have chosen to take.  Its understandable.  Intentional communities in the US are associated with cults and closed mind-sets.  Groups tend to do this everywhere, so people are wisely and naturally, leery of groups that cluster around ideals.  Unless the ideals are true, these group experiences can be almost, if not outrightly hazardous.  Even if they are True, as in Amma, She is the only one here living in full awareness of the ideal, so the cloudier view of the ideal creates it’s own group-think, which really has to be avoided, if one wants to stay focussed on the Truth of the Love that is Here.
Nonetheless, it is amazing to see here, what I call the miracle of Amritapuri, so many drawn here by the pull of deep love from within their hearts.  Because of this reality, lying just below the surface in people’s minds and hearts here, the ideal of Love and service to it,  Amritapuri is a relief and joy to be in.

There are so many little important things that we know, but do not acknowledge that we know. Most of us are afraid to exercise our only real human duty that we are born into – the duty of the personal investigation of Truth.   I am glad that when I was young, the Baha’i faith made me aware of this purpose and duty.  The only people that we truly admire are those that openly acknowledge their determination to be true to this duty.   Whenever a person stands up for Truth or exercises magnanimous Love in the face of stupidity, we feel grateful to them.  An example that Link gave me, was a fellow student who deliberately chose to work with another student who most people thought of as a failure, on his senior project.  He took a risk to his grades in order to enhance his humanity to another.  Link deeply appreciated seeing the sentiment. We all appreciate these experiences because, I think, that in these small acts is the public acknowledgment of the real duty of life, and everyone naturally feels it, as we all
have it.

Alot of people think that people who risk their conditioned mind-sets for the personal investigation of Truth are mad men and women.  Henry David Thoreau spent some joyous years in solitude in the woods in Massachusetts,USA exulting in, exalting and adoring Nature there, touching the reality of Truth behind the natural fibers of the Creation.  John Muir was similar, on the West coast of the USA, amidst the glorious Sierra Nevada Mountains.  If we look at that time-belt in human history, we see that there were people all across the planet, actively checking out of the norms of the social conditionings they had received, to pursue their own investigation of Truth. Thoreau 1817-1862, Muir, 1838-1914, Mark Twain, 1935-1910, M.K.Gandhi, 1869-1948, to name a few.  They weren’t the only ones, but, in the published sincerity of their investigation into Truth, they inspired many more to begin to think about this central and elemental question and duty to life.  In a unique way, America gives the opportunity to do
this more weight and respect than elsewhere, hence, the country is bursting with creativity as people feel freer to touch and express That which is within them.

In India, the right and duty of this investigation is theoretically given a high rank in the social fabric of culture.  There are innumerable rishinis and rishis who left all social norms for fulfill this quest.  The ancient varna system, which has now been bastardized into the caste system, and the ashrama system of life stages, structured the experience of human life accordingly, to fulfill this quest.  Now, the quest part of the whole thing has been forgotten.

Ultimately, this quest is the only real thing that we have in our lives.  Everything else, experiences, associates, possessions,  is passing by us like scernery, outside the car window….I feel it is important to revive and thereby uncloud our minds from the dross that stops us from knowing or seeking to want to know Truth and Love, to clear our minds of that which stops us from making our own personal investigation.

This right and human duty of personal investigation is what is behind political movements for human freedoms.  Liberty, that precious word, is the ideal of freedom to make the quest.  That we have forgotten the ideals behind all of the outer symbols, doesn’t mean they no longer exist.  I want to look at one important one,  gone rusty:

Education – the ideal of education was to provide a person with logical, reasoning, and expressive tools to enhance the quest into Truth, and express the results of that investigation back to society.   In the ideal of an educated person of the 1920’s, was one who could reason, debate, and otherwise demonstrate skills and acquisiton of knowledge that fed those researches – meaningful literature, science that revealed the Creator, etc. It had the ring of ethics in it.  Nowadays, education is merely high-skilled apprenticeships, and massive conditioning into corporate conformity. Education now is conditioning to replicate a corporate based society.  It has nothing to do with ethics.

Liberty – the ideal of liberty was to take the responsibility of personal freedom to express what the Truth in one’s self was doing or trying to say.  Now, Liberty has become disassociated from responsibility. liberty has come to mean the right to express and often impose one’s likes, dislikes, attractions and aversions upon the environment around one.  there is great confusion over what is freedom and liberty.

The main reason I am looking at these ideas, is to give myself courage.  Life on Earth takes incredibly bravery, if we are to face it in the light of our ideals.   If we know the Truth of something, we can stand up for it, for it is the only Real, everything else is malleable, passing, illusory.  I remember a few years ago, when some group-think in the ashram that I was unwittingly allowing into my mind was really getting me down,  I found a speech by Thabo Mbeki, about Gandhi’s first community in South Africa, Phoenix.  In it, he mentioned Article 19, of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.  Article 18, is in similar vein…Here, I’ll get it:
They are both about the use of freedom and liberty to support the personal investigation of Truth:

Article 18.  Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion;  this right includes freedom to change his religion or belief, and freedom, either alone or in community with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief in teaching, practice, worship and observance.

Article 19:  Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression, This right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers.

Artile 26.2 is about education in relation to the independent investigation of Truth:

26.2  Education shall be directed to the full development of the human personality and to the strengthening of respect for human rights and fundamental freedoms.  It shall promote understanding, tolerance and friendship among all nations, racial or religious groups, and shall further the activities of the United Nations for the maintenance of peace.

All of these rights and freedoms are based upon acknowledgment of the genuine equality of Truth, being present in all beings, as Article 29.2 demonstrates:

Article 29.2
In the exercise of his rights and freedoms, everyone shall be subject only to such limitations as are determined by law solely for the purpose of securing due recognition and respect for the rights and freedoms of others, and of meeting the just requirements of morality, public order and the general welfare in a democratic society.

I find great solace in reflecting on these ideals, especially as the daily experience of life so often belies them.  And that denial, in any form, I call rank Violence.   Groups, even family groups often commit unspeakable violence upon members without being consciously aware of it…when people feel intimidated, or feel a need to ‘fit in’ with the group, they are unconsciously reflecting the fact that they feel fearful of being excluded….otherwise, we could all be the rare jewels to each other that Nature intends us to be….(Of course, fear is another whole subject, one that comes really from within us, it cannot be imposed within us from without…we can combat internal fear with moral courage….) anyhow, the desire to fit-in, to the exclusion of placing our attention on the quest, is a form of self-violence…..
Anyhow, just a little chit-chat…. we wish you all great Courage, in dealing with the next moments of your lives, and increasing clarity as to why we are all here….and please do the same for us,
Loving you,
Kamala Aunty

Today would be Anni’s 21st birthday. We are reviewing and adjusting, (in Link’s case, as he had made alot of picky-unni rules for himself) the vows we made last year on this day. This morning as we returned from our walk, we saw the morning star. We may have mentioned that Anni’s American Indian name, given to her by Kay Garland, of Chaplin, CT, when she was born is Morning Star. And so she was and is.

Lata just called, she is in Kochi, where she had gone to Amma’s programme. You all may recall, that last year on Anni’s birthday, she stepped in our room, and a beautiful song in the Sindhi language  popped into her head, which she began singing. We made a movie then of Jyoti Joy Joy, the sunbird who was staying with us, and put the music to it. It was for Amma, its called, ”How to Love a Bird.” We gave to to Lakshmi, who stays with Amma, but I don’t think Amma has seen it, or even knows about it. We may put it on You Tube, and give the address. Link is just now recording Lata on our tiny recorder, so we will have the tune to work with. Lata feels Anni gave her the song. Here are the lyucs, this ones in English:

Let me take a chance to fill my heart with Love for you
Let this not be my last chance
Let me take a chance to fill my heart with Love for You

We found some heartening things. One is a picture of the archetypal pati-vrata of Hindu lore, Damayanti, of Damayanti and Nala. The picture, painted by Raja Ravi Verma, is truly remarkable for its similarity to Anni. Here is the address:
www.raja-ravi-varma.keralaz.info/raja-ravi-varma/hamsam-damayanti-ravi-varma.shtm

When we found this picture a few months ago, we were amazed at how exactly like Anni it looked, like it would be Anni now, a little more grown up. The feet are hers, the hair, the face, the back curve, the elbows, arms, hands, the firm little chin and the feminine thoughtfulness and intelligence that the picture expresses. What is even more coincidentally amazing, is that while were were on the 2006 North India Yatra with Amma, after the last program in Kolkata we went to a khadi shop.   Anni picked out a sari of the exact same shade and style as the one in the picture. We had planned that she would go to AIMS and begin her medical studies. They have events where the girls wear saris, and we wanted her to have one. I was pleased with her personal choice, it was a very simple, hand-spun cotton sari, with traditional border…no design….The way this picture appeared to us, made us feel she is with us, and showing us how she is continuing to grow and progress….

Then, yesterday, I was looking at a book of Vignettes from the Life of Abdul-Baha, my beloved teacher of my early youth…I became acquainted with the Bahai teachings when I was around 12, and embraced them wholly… although my ecumenically minded parents felt I didn’t need to  formally subscribe to anything.  The Bahai Teachings are reflective of the very fine and high ancient culture of Persia, that has regrettably been almost decimated….Bahai’s now face tremendous persecution…The ethical teachings fo the Bahai faith are entirely congruent with Sanathana Dharma, or Hinduism. I feel that the culture that had organically evolved in Persia, ethically attributed to the teachings of Zoraster, was definitely, a child of India….the Zend-Avesta lists many of the attributes of God in much the same words as the Rig Veda. Homa is Soma, Surya is Hurya, and Yama is Yama.

The Bahai faith came up in 1863, with the appearance of the spiritual Master, Bah’u’allah. He was imprisoned for his beliefs, his son, Abdul Baha was born in prison, and was there until he was finally released at 65 years of age. The power of their spiritual Love for Truth was such that even though they were in prison in Akka, many people around the world came to know of them in a grassroots way, and some managed to visit them. Their spiritual nobility was such that the guards did not abuse them. When he was released, Abdul Baha went all around the world, letting people know about his father, the ideals and way of approaching life that he had learned from him.  He had become, by then, a spiritual Master himself, filled with the qualities that come from adherence to the ideals of Truth and Love – compassionate, wise, generous, noble, etc. He died long before I was born, but his ideals still inspired me greatly. There are several truly awesome temples of the faith, one in Wilmette, Illinois, one in Delhi.
The one in Delhi looks like a lotus opening…it is serenely beautiful… The basic tenants of the Bahai faith, for those interested, that its followers seek to manifest are:

One God, the oneness of mankind, the duty for each of us to make our own independent investigation of Truth, the common foundation of all religions, the necessity for the essential harmony of science and religion, the equality of men and women, the elimination of prejudice of all kinds, the need for unirversal compulsory education, a spiritual solution to our economic problems, a universal auxillary language, and universal peace upheld by a world government.

Here is the vignette:

Once a friend asked the Master, “How should one look forward to death?”
He replied,
“How does one look forward to the goal of any journey? With hope and with expectation. It is even so with the end of this earthly journey. In the next world, man will find himself freed from many of the disabilities under which he now suffers. Those who have passed on through death, have a sphere of their own, it is not removed from ours, their work, the work of the Kingdon, is ours, but it is sanctified from what we call ‘time and place’. Time with us is measured by the sun. When there is no more sunrise, and no more sunset, that kind of time does not exist for man. Those who have ascended have different attributes from those who are still on earth, yet there is no real separation.
In prayer, there is a mingling of station, a mingling of condition. Pray for them as they pray for you!”
from:Honnold, Annamarie [collected and edited by](1982)Vignettes from the Life of ‘Abdu’l-Baha. George Ronald, Oxford, UK. page 132.

Our Amma has also spoken similarly, advising us to make friends with death, and that it is like a period at the end of a sentance then a new sentance begins, or like a new chapter in the book…clearly, nothing to fear… The most important thing is to live our lives here correctly, so that at that time we will feel no prick of conscience for omissions or evil actions performed.

Another friend, had an amazing experience of Anni, As I don’t have persmission to relate it yet, I will first secure that permission, then tell you. It all suffices to prove to us that our beloved Lives. Our Anni Lives. She is still working for the same boss we fancy ourselves to be working for….and that is of great joy and relief to me, for as a family, it was our greatest joy to clean and sweep any and all pathways that our Amma might walk down, to try to make things beautiful for her in whatever little way we could, so her heart, which bears all our burdens would feel a little lightness….a small smile…anyhow….so, our beloved Anni, is with us, and we, with her, continue our work in the same vein….

I just went out for fruits and cake, meeting quite a few of our ashram sisters. This year we are not undertaking any fasts or penances of that ilk…I don’t think my Anni wants us too… When I told one that today was Anni’s birthday, she said, “It is for all of us Anni’s birthday, our Anni’s birthday, she is in all our hearts.” Its times like these, that we are very grateful to live in the ashram, with a community of like-minded…perhaps not all like-minded, at least we are all like-angled about Amma, and its a relief to be able to live in the light of the ideal that she shows us…..

Loving you,
Kamala, Anni and Link
May you all have a blessed Anni Jayanti!

Before Amma left for the 10 day north India tour, she had the Tour bookstall storage room turned into a room for her Mother, Damayanti Amma. That room, located directly beneath Amma’s interview room, in her ‘house’ was originally the ashram meditation hall and Vedanta Vidyalaya. Now, it seems restored to that former glory, in the service of Damayanti Amma.

For the ashram, for those who know Damayanti Amma when she was younger so much more active and able, so involved and graciously gracing innumerable ashram activities, it is a great relief and joy to have her here amidst us again, despite the shocking sadness of her declining condition.

For the last 2 years, she has lived in Kasturi Akka’s house (Amma’s eldest sister) on the other side of the backwaters. Many could not see her easily..

We have been going daily, and very often, Damayanti Amma is seated outside the room, distributing ‘prasads’ being adored by her many daughters and granddaughters, and occasional sons…Nina from tailoring flits back and forth, from tailoring to the room and back again…deep concern writ on every inch of her face…

It is a precious, precious time, all can sense the fragile beauty of these moments and days with her.

I remember when Anni was sick…I was trying to keep some sort of record of what was happening,, what the dr.’s were saying, when they called. I remember that every time I looked at the calendar, and saw the date, I had the thought, its a good day. A happy day. I did not realize, it was my heart telling me, that all these days of my life, had been so good. I had my precious, precious daughter with me. Later, I entered a different life.

It is the same now. For the entire Ashram, these are the days of greatest glory. Amma, her Father, her Mother, her family, all are here. The dream of togetherness is still intact. It is still so beautiful….the circle of love is full and flowing….

Amma’s natal family, are Heart people. They love everyone who comes to love Amma. For them, all of Amma’s devotees are wonderful, they accept them all. For them, all Seva done in the ashram is equal, its all Amma Seva, it all helps in some way, for them, there is no high and low in what people do in the Ashram.

In their love for Amma, they rejoice in everyone who also loves…its a path of inclusion, not exclusion. As her natal family, they are certain of her, in a way that is natural, so they are overjoyed to share what they love, they get their own happiness from this….

Damayanti Amma is the pillar of feminine decency in the ashram. Under her guidance, the role of women was clearly understood to be much more than playthings for men…Not for one second would she dress or adorn herself for pleasing a man. Nor did she countenance that in the ashram….she never had to say anything about it…life is duty, and attention to duty….not attention to anything else….it was a clear understanding that ethically formed the foundation of ashram life…

In her own lifetime, the scene here is so tragically changed. Female students, the puppets of media, are decked, adorned, and displayed in ways that would make a crow turn pink….

While visiting her, someone put the TV on. A scene of two women, arguing, one making ugly faces behind the other ones’ back appeared…..what more is needed to destroy the threads that make the fabric of sisterhood in India? And then what will be there? The aggressive, competitive, distorted woman hood so prevalent in the west where women have lost the art of supporting each other and sisterhood? Where they watch each other with hidden daggars in their eyes? Where they steal each other’s husbands, and go ruthlessly after men half their age, or twice their age? Where they get used as playthings, and their minds get messed up? Where,until past menopause, they keep their sexual fires on full tilt? In the last 3 years, the media inroads upon the consciousness of young India that we witness here among the students has been stupendous….disheartening and disgusting..

Damayanti Amma is from a time of ethical clarity…She is the only human being that Amma has given the title of GURU to….

Just her return to the ashram, revealed the aching hole that was caused by her absence. Sitting near her, despite the forgetful condition of her mind, that sense of peace that has always pervaded the atmosphere around her, is palpable.

So many things I wish I could ask Holy Mother Amma. Amma said:

Can you think of a quality, for example love or truth, unrelated to a form? It is not possible to do so because qualities are formless in themselves. To think of a quality, we need an object which has that quality as its attribute. Then what can be said of the Attribute-less Brahman, which is beyond all conception? Our mind is so gross that we cannot possibly think of a God who is formless, changeless and attribute less. Therefore, we need an object which is endowed with divine attributes. Krishna, Rama, Buddha or Christ are such Beings.

From: Awaken Children 2:302-303.

Sitting near Damayanti Amma, the quality of peacefulness pervades. If it is only in the body object that we perceive the quality, where does the quality go when the body object is no more? Why can’t we perceive all the qualities of the body object regardless of the body’s presence?

It seems that we can only perceive them in ourself after that, or in another body object…so, do qualities exist if they are formless? What kind of existence? I just don’t understand how it works….Amma says the ‘Attribute less’ so are qualities even real?

Are we , the body object identified mind stuff, our qualities? Even the ones we don’t exhibit? Truth is, un Truth is not….so, the Real IS….do we say attribute less or with attributes? Is that just form and formless? So, then, is the feeling of peacefulness around Damayanti Amma, is that feeling the form of peace? But then, are attributes Real, are they IS?

Its hard to frame intelligent questions worthy of Amma’s answer….or that will evoke an answer that satisfies….many times, different translators will answer them for me, confident in their knowing, and afterwards, I feel to stupid to ask…

Its interesting. I find, perhaps because of Anni, that my thinking on life has shifted into eternal life. Life is eternal….only suffering comes and goes…but Life is Eternal….

Now, I don’t know if I really understand this, or if I have just convinced my intellect. I was really puzzled when a friend wrote to me about life here, I didn’t understand what they meant until I understood they were saying, Physical Life….

Yet, its all very precious. Its very very precious because we can feel ethical qualities…although, they are still not visible…we can feel peacefulness, honesty, sincerity, joy, generosity…so, whatever the answer is, its an amazing place…this place of form…perhaps, because that which Is, IS attribute less, and through the gross form of our bodies, becomes a quality? Something that we feel, so we say it is a form?

Don’t know….I only know, we are all so glad that Damayanti Amma is here…She is so , so precious…to our beautiful dream of Ashram life….

Loving you,

Kamala Aunty, Anni and Link

Our Anni, with Damayanti Amma and Janhvi. The two were seeking her blessings before their med school entrance examinations to AIMS, in 2005.

 

Dearest Friends and Family,

Amma is now in Mysore. We remember our several travels on the road from Mananthavati to Mysore. The first year, I recall, we were told it was only two hours journey. But, lo! the ashram bus took over 6. Even now, I remember the tremendous heat in the bus…we were all crammed in. In those days, the brahmacharini’s rarely had actual seats, and suffered in the aisles, on top of luggage, or just plain standing packed together for hours and hours…often after being up all night, preparing foods, frying endless dosas over huge hot table size griddles, the gas fumes and flames right under their faces, etc. The bus exhaust fumes combined with the heat were nauseating. A very kind brahmacharini named Swati gave us lozenges for our throats, something for our motion sickness…little acts of kindness always smile in our hearts, isn’t it? reminds us, that our underlying reality is Love, known through respectful consideration of each other…Love and Joy are truly rare things on
this Earth…

 

There were wild rumors circulating in the bus…that Amma had stopped somewhere and was waiting for us…as such, the inching, groaning engine, and our seemingly incremental progress, was even more intolerable…At that time, were were not adjusted to patiently waiting out our perceptions of the inefficiencies of time around us, so we suffered much angst amongst ourselves, chaffing at the bit, wondering if we should just get out and walk….

 

For us, the first year tours were very challenging. In a large part it was a chance to practice ethical ‘bus behaviors’. We didn’t understand why those who had seats would not take turns sharing them with those who didn’t. We still don’t. We made it our personal policy on all tours to time share our seats, with those who had none…For this, we even received a fair amount of verbal abuse and once even actual threats. The children spent much of the travel times in the stairwell of the bus steps. Those first years, I was stronger, and gave up my seat for the tours as well. As a result, I recall very little of the outside scenery. Later, the children insisted I stay in the seat, but at least through their willingness to share, I continued to have that satisfaction. Getting off the bus was another experience. I don’t want to say more about it, but there is a good book that I think we can all profit in reading. Its called, ‘All I really need to know, I learned in
Kindergarten’ by Robert Fulgram.

 

Now, by God’s grace, there seems to have been an ‘evolution’ in compassion and people are more inclined as a whole to share with one another, whether or not one is Indian or Western, paying the fat rate or the thinner one…its all donation anyhow….that’s how one comes to understand it…ultimately, nothing is ours. Thankfully, whatever goes to Amma’s institutions, despite many problems, many many people are helped, and this is what we have to keep in mind. Institutions can have this great positive capacity, despite ALL.

 

There is a saying, that when the Guru comes, the Teachings are Sattvic, the Guru will be Rajasic, strenuously working, day and night, and the institution is Tamasic, clunking along behind the Guru. Its just natural, the people in the institutions are not the Guru, they are the ones seeking ethical reform in themselves, to get over our spiritual diseases. None have achieved it yet, we are all works in process and progress. By grace, the institutions bearing Amma’s name, can turn to her for guidance and problem solving, and in many cases, she is able to use them to help numerous others. Not only institutions using Amma’s name come to her for guidance, others do as well. Even political institutions. For an example, during the Tsunami, she used the Vishwa Vidya Peetham campus buildings in Clappana for housing and shelter, medical and cooking for about 10 thousand people in deep shock and trauma. I think the distinction is important to bear in mind, otherwise, one may feel
disillusioned.

 

The road to Mysore from Manathavadi goes through the forest reserves of Wynad. Once I saw an elephant roaming freely, it was a thrilling sight. I would hear calls of ‘deer! peacock!’ but as the bus was jolting along, rarely caught sight of these… Often times, Amma would have the buses stop, and there would be a picnic in the woodsy area. It was always astounding to see Amma on these occasions. She would have been up all day and night, and have barely finished giving darshan to 20 to 40 thousand people, sometimes more, I don’t recall less since we have come, and she would still have on the clothes she was wearing during the maha yagna…the great sacridice, as yet not understood by humanity…

Amma is a constant demonstration as to the power of the mind, the power of living in the present moment. The immediate past, and seemingly its effects would melt off of her, and everyone would be joyously picnicking,as though she hadn’t just been up all night meeting 20 thousand plus people…

That, I suppose is the power of Now. She Lives Now, in the Now. Anni is now in NOW.

 

Sometimes the road to Mysore would be shorter, the bus more efficient, the travel time at night and therefore blessedly cooler…

I remember one year, Amma left without warning from Manathavadi for Mysore, from the stage. Everyone had expected her to go back to her room where a meal was waiting for her…we were happy she escaped the crowds…

It was amazing and amusing to see the panic that ensued, as everyone who could commandeered a vehicle, and charged after her…but, she got away that time…far from the maddening crowd…only the driver was with her…we of course, were and remain, nothing and nobody in the scene here, our roles are backdrop figures so, we waited for the buses, and got to Mysore well into the morning…

there, it was even more amusing to see the crowding that was going on in her house there…on the first floor, brahmacharis were sleeping on their sides, packed like sardines, all claiming their rights of access and closeness…or worse, perhaps feeling insecure without that proximity, while the spacious school, less than 100 meters away, stood in silent observance of the scene…

 

I don’t know, but we have never been into this type of behavior…I think there could be two reasons, 1. frankly, sour grapes. 2. a certain detachment from group consciousness, and subsequent group behaviors. This comes from our life experiences, backgrounds, etc. But, I think it is a quality worth nurturing and cultivating within oneself. It is the group, that conditions the soul, and it is the group conditioning, that is part of the outer peels of the onion, that must come off when trying to peel down to the self.

I remember once Amma said, “Before God, you have to be completely naked, you have to take off even your skin.’ Group acceptance relies upon silently and subtly agreed upon group behaviors, standards and expectations….its definitely the clothes. It can start positively or negatively in families.

The groups around Amma, are not Amma, and they certainly have developed their own little conditionings, whose in, out, OK, not, etc. I find it all very wearying, and don’t want to play. I am grateful to have studied anthropology, and one of the best courses I ever had was with Dr. Jane Goodall, called Monkeys, Apes and Humans.

well, enough. Amma is now in Mysore. I’ve got to take the mind back, off the tour onto the work here…Mysore is another story….

Loving You,

Kamala Aunty