A Tale of Grace

posted by Kamala on Apr 28

Dearest Friends and Family,

We must be in the dark days before the dawn. Spring is going on, the baby tender leaves are all unfolding in their adorable cuteness, but we are focussed inside, on Anni. We can expect no help from the best and most modern of Western medicine, it offers us no hope at all…yet, we cannot sit idle and do nothing. We must apply our common sense, and seek to help ourselves intelligently if God’s Grace will be there for Anni’s full recovery.    We have not been able to speak to Amma about the lack of medical options.  In trying to help ourelves, in the meantime,  we are begining the Gerson Therapy at home, and a beautiful soul, named Shirley Tice came to help us from California. Shirley, 69 years, is very skilled in caregiving for patients using the Gerson Therapy. That we were able to have her come, was purely God’s Grace. 21 years ago, Shirely had breast cancer and cured it using the Gerson Therapy. She is a living tribute to the power of the principles that this therapy uses for healing all sorts of diseases by addressing body deficiencies and toxicities. Her photo is in the photo album.

Yesterday at 10PM, in addition to all the horrible horrible pains Anni is having, a new one started after her 10pm coffee enema. Right in the area of the large kidney tumor. It raged in her all night, and still rages….According to the gerson therapy, this could be a healing reaction, as the bodies immune system begins to kick in, recognize the malfunctioning cells that appear as cancer or infection or scar tissue or virus, etc., and destroy them.
We all got up very early as sleep was impossible. When Shirley cane down in the morning, I was in the kitchen getting juices going. It is a great blessing, that thanks to the Gerson Therapy protocol, and Anni’s own internal committment to leaning on the laws of Nature, Anni is kept well juiced and fed with highly vital energizing foods. Despite the raging pain that is at this very moment seething in her frail body, Anni makes an effort to drink and eat.

When Shirely saw me in the kitchen, she began to say,’ I had a strange experience last night, I don’t know if I should tell you or not, I mean, its not my religion, and I don’t want to upset anyone.’ (my recollection of her words) I asked her what happened. Her story was wonderful to us, and completely normal, given our understanding of who our Amma is. As Shirley seemed very amazed by the experience, she has never met Amma before, I asked her to speak into our recorder, and she gave us permission to put her story up on this blog. This is a verbatim record of what Shirley said:

“My name is Shirley Tice and I am a caregiver for Anni. Umm…last night when I went to sleep I had a visit from Amma. I wasn’t sure if I was actually sleeping, it seemed like I was awake however, I think I was sleeping. When Amma appeared in my room  She didn’t open the door, She just appeared. She told me that Anni was going to be OK and then She was gone and I didn’t see Her leave. She was just not there, and as she was in the room, the room was like, filled with Her presence, it was awe inspiring, it was a very strange feeling, it was a very brief encounter. I do not know much about Amma, I haven’t studied Her teachings, and I was really blessed and honored that She would appear to me like that.”

We were of course happy to hear all this. Shirley has since called her son, who exclaimed, ‘that shows She is real!’…..Shirely said Amma was wearing white…she didn’t get time to observe her facial expressions. We frankly, for reasons unknown to us, were not so blessed. I know why, if we had seen Her, we would have hugged Her and not let Her go….If  You come only once My Lord, like that,  I will never let You go…Never let You go away….

Nevertheless, I feel Anni is now entering some sort of fire.  I can’t take my eyes off of her for long, for I see it coming, and do not know how to make it less terrible for her, how to ease her.  I have not seen her cry so helplessly in such pain before.  Her gentle eyes look at me with an innocent wonder that does not understand ‘why’, and there is no ‘why ‘ that we can understand.   That Amma appeared like this to Shirley, to reassure her,  makes me feel that the next few days might make us feel Anni is in extreme peril.  From now until Monday night, April 30, 2007,  we ask you to keep Anni in your hearts, to cry out to the Lord by whatever means that appeal to you, to end the madness  and disease in the heart of humanity.  I feel somehow, that when such selfless actions are performed,  along with small yagnas- sacrifices,wheter it be through a fast, or any other form of vountary self restraint,  that all of us will benefit, and in that blanket of benefit,  our Anni will receive solace and healing…. We  need your  sincere heart efforts, in whatever way you can,  Sunday, April 29 and Monday, April 30.  That will be one full rotation of our  earth.  Oh Amma!  End the madness in Anni’s body!  End the madness on this earth, Bring our hearts to the awareness of Your Great Presence within us, within all!

God Speed us All,  Loving you all, Kamala, Anni and Link

posted by Kamala on Apr 25

Dearest Friends and Family,

Pranam of soul to you All.

Spring has arrived here, with a burrst of balmy weather. With it, comes optimism. Desipte the grim present. We are so busy, trying to help Anni fight the pain, gain the nutrition….more diagnosis and results are in, this time from pathologists at Mayo Clinic…and again, they are indefinite in the type of cancer, with a poor prognosis.

It is something strange, that with each new horrible finding, each new shock and sinking feeling: like Anni has advanced state of cancer, like there is something abnormal in her mid-brain, like there is cancer on her liver now, like it is clear cell, then sarcoma, then TFEB, then…with each new heavy shock, undereath the sinking feeling that takes place somewhere in my heart, behind that, like the coming of spring, is somehow a feeling of relief. ‘Fine, you cannot help my daughter. Only the beautiful hands of God can. God Alone can help her. And God will!” Somehow, for us, we feel a relief. In the hands of medical doctors, we have no hope or very little according to them. In the hands of God, we have all hope. Our Amma is unlimited, modern medicine is extremely limited.

I don’t know why She has sent us to the Dr.s here. Of course, we see that many positive things have happened: the family has become more unified, there is the opportunity to be of service to my aged mother, we have become aware of the state of modern medicine and legal cancer treatment in the US - basically an experimental arm for the pharmeceutical industry….the approach of modern medicine resembles the modern society - immediate results of some sort, something on the symptom, instant gratification of some sort, but the larger, interconnected, interdependent picture, the course of genuine responsibility is neglected.

One of my great teachers in life, Dr. Joseph Elder,  a Beloved friend of all, and godfather of the children, came to see Anni,  during his recent visit to Washington, DC.  from the University of Wisconsin - Madison.   We were very touched.  He was only able to spare one hour from his busy schedule, and travelled over one hour to come see Anni.  From our beloved Joe-ji,  I have always been inspired to see the true purpose of education; to spread understanding, respect and mutual tolerance and good will.  Dr. Joseph Elder is a great light on this earth,  who inspires faith in the inherent capacity of the human individual to make it through the maze and muck of present day confusion in all realms and stratas of society, to go beyond the positioning and pettiness, to find a way to hold onto ones inner integrity, to find a way to offer the song in our hearts to one another.  It is Joe-ji, who has made Madison, WI the national resource center for South Asian Studies here in the USA….the list of his accomplishments on behalf of peace and human good will are numerous and endless…in his ’spare time’ he also takes time to visit those on death row and give them solace….we are putting his picture up on this blog so that all of you can see his radiant face.  We encourage you all to learn more about him, and if possible take the time to see one of his many films on different aspects of Indian life.

In the midst of all this, the Gerson Therapy by Dr. Max Gerson, stands like an unseen jewel. The basic premise of it, is the manifestation of spiritual healing on the physical level: Dr. Gerson saw that all illness in the body was due to two basic factors; deficiency and toxicity. The natural and scientific therapy he devised, addresses this basic platform. My brother said to the Dr. were were consulting with about the Gerson methods, ‘ You must have thousands breaking down the door, if these methods can work so well.” The Dr. said, ‘Actually, no. The Gerson therapy is the most invasive therapy of all. It invades peoples lifestyles, and that is something people don’t want to change. Food is entertainment, we entertain each other and ourselves with it. No one wants to give that up.’ I thought about this alot. Its very true. Like trying to live a God-focussed life, we turn away from that which keeps us apart from Her in our thoughts, from feeling Her in our heart. We automatically turn away. The television, movies, newspapers and magazines are very boring, a useless distraction. I think this approach to Anni’s healing, is going to transform all of us who are working with her at this time. We also are happily giving up food for entertainment. I know it is what Amma intends, despite the papadams and payasam and savory curries and sauces served in the ashram. We should learn to make our food our medicine, and our medicine, our food….and its very hard, given that we are all, no matter where we ilive on this earth, literally swimming in the deep pollution of our waters, air and earth….and nothing, anywhere is pure anymore….I guess thats why our Amma emphasizes, that we keep our thoughts and minds clean, its the only place left to us, given the circumstances….

Amma has always said, we have to give up the taste of the tongue in order to taste the heart…we are all getting this opporunity to do so here….Its amazing, we come to the US, to get ‘the best medical treatment’ as far as the ‘world’ understands it, and learn about the scientific efficacy of Kanji. When the very best that western medicine has to offer shows us a worse than empty hand, we learn about the healing possible through very close adherence to nature alone, through a scientific methodology….not nature extracted, but nature alone….And Amma is always telling us, Creation and Creator are one. I heard once that Amma has said, that we need even the grace of an ant to know God. We know that it is the grace of God, through all of Her beautiful creation, through all of you, through the exercise of our own common sense and listening to our hearts, through our Amma, that our healing of Anni lies.

These last few days have been very tough for Anni. She no longer walks outside, unless we press and press her, and then, very short distances. She refuses pain medications, we are trying all manner of other methods to relieve her…the pains start worsening each day by evening, The nights are racking. She moans, and calls out Amma, Amma, Amma repeatedly when they are so terrible. She tries to get away from us all in the evenings, to be alone and cry, but, we cannot bear it, so, although we know we harass her, we keep close…the other night, she was crying, and said to me, ‘Why can’t I see the Angels? Why can’t I see Amma?’ Another night, I was also crying, and pleading with Amma to help her….when I exhaust myself, I have to turn to all of you. One of my sons, Karthu, suggested that we hold another day of prayer and fasting. He wants one every week. We discussed this, and as Anni is not yet improving, feel we need to beat the bushes, and raise the chorus to our Lord, the All Pervasive, again. Your prayers, your effort are truely selfless. I pray, most probably out of fear of my own pain, who knows.  Deep down,  all mothers are selfish,  they want their babies whole, and well…. I am a mother, and cannot bear the thought of life without the flourishing babe….

So, please, let us know what you think.  We need another day of prayer and fasting for Anni and the Heart of Humanity.  We have to act fast.  I heard that Amma said intense prayer can heal even the parabdha of cancer….somehow our sweet innocent Anni,  is like the flower of purity in all our hearts…perhaps that is why we all feel her pain so…and the cancer in the heart of the beings on this earth? The cancer in our polluted minds?  .I know that your love, your effort,  are recorded in some Great Book, that I cannot read or even touch from where I am.  We know that we need your efforts.   I know that all efforts help not only us, but our whole planet as well….we need to do it within a weeks time….let  us hear your thoughts, and we will go from there..

With all our love,

Kamala

posted by Kamala on Apr 16

Dearest Friends and Family,

Yesterday was Vishu in Amritapuri. We heard Amma gave darshan in the big hall. We are grateful for each and every bit of news and story about Amma you may know. Vishu in Kerala is associated with beautiful yellow cascading flowers, not unlike the pink-purple wisteria in the US. Ususally, alot of these flowers are placed around Amma’s room.

Alot has happened. Last week we went to the Dr. that NIH recommended, and learned what is the best that modern scientific medicine in the USA can give us for Anni. Since “Unfortunately this is one of those cases where we don’t have a firm diagnosis” , Anni can be part of scientific experiments, called clinical protocols or studies, for new types of drugs. The first procedure the Dr. would do is remove her kidney and thereby get more samples of tissue. The Dr. recommended “opening a port” in her chest, through which drugs, blood samples and food could be had. Then, a week later, they would begin Chemo with new drugs, on new trials. The best of these trials have a 10% stabilization rate, which means that 10% of patients who are treated stabilize - or stop getting worse. It is not a cure.

Anni lost 7 pounds since the NIH experience, due to the drugs and narcotics, which prevented her from eating, overwhelmed her with nausea, and prevented the peristaltic action of her bowels. In reality, the pain medication alone was killing her very fast. After April 2, Anni took herself off the narcotics, and by the 10th of April said she felt that her head had finally cleared. The way pain is handled here seems strange to us - seperate from the cause…

We have learned a bit of the cancer statistics. I was not suprised to learn that 33% of all cancer patients in the USA die of malnutrtion, since the drugs have side effects like overwhelming nausea and impaired digestion. Of the 66% remainig, many die due to the treatment itself. Newspaper, magazines, and Health workers all acknowledge that there is a tie between the pharmaceutical companies and the US government, which prevents a lot of advancement in health care.

We have begun to approach the Gerson Therapy, started by Dr. Max Gerson. See www.gerson.org. This therapy has helped many people with all sorts of illnesses, including cancer and tuberculosis. It is a dietary therapy, with supplements and some injections, and enemas. It is based in giving the body intensive nutritional support via pure fruit and vegetable juices and detoxifying through coffee enemas. Even though we are not yet on the whole treatment, as we don’t have the potassium salts, liver and B.vitamin injections that are used, Anni ’s nausea has stopped. Whenever we do a coffee enema, she has a big reduction in back pain. Yesterday, for the first time since we came to the US, she requested food: and ate 2 chappattis and a bowl of boiled vegetables, with a small cup of yogurt/water mix. We were so happy, we all sat watching her eat, my tears flowed.

In addition to all of this, one of our Ashram sister’s living out here, made Anni’s situation known to a circle of energetic healers. One of them, in Hawaii, called and spoke with Anni. To make an amazing story short, Anni’s back pain was relieved for 2 hours, during which she slept. At night, particularly after 3AM, Anni has excruciating and racking pain. She wants to be held, or have her hands or feet pressed hard. Sometimes we press her legs. Our ashram brother staying with us has been a soul of selflessness to Anni at night, waking up at her least murmer, whimper or moan ( we are all camped out in the living room ) and pressing her hands for hours or holding her head. Both Link and I have showed ourselves unfit in this regard. Link staggars around and falls asleep while pressing her legs or feet, and Anni does not allow me to do any services at night as she wants me to rest. Later that night, Anni again had a bout of pain free relief for 2 hours. In the morning we found out that our Ashram sister’s healing friends were working on Anni during the night. So that was very sweet. And God’s grace to her, to have a brief respite.

How Anni is learning to handle the terrible pain is amazing. When the pain became horrible again, our ashram brother suggested Anni call the energetic healers. She declined, saying, it was Amma who made them help in the first place. What they can give is only temporary, it is Amma who has to do the real work. I was inwardly glad that despite excruciating racking pain that the most courageous would shrink from, Anni recognizes the true source of healing. 2 days ago, she told me that she had learned to force herself to go to sleep, despite the pain. It takes a hand to go behind the mind willing to transcend the agony of the body. Yesterday she told me that she had to identify with her soul and not the body. This we see in the shining example of our Mama Janice in California who despite wretched and diseased physical condition, is ever cheerful, peppy, and lovingly bright to all She meets. She gives her whole heart, as she is completely identified with her own heart, and not her body….

When I hold Anni, I am reminded our our beloved sweet Satyabhama, a dear friend at Amritapuri, living with her sister, Hemavati. Thin and bony, Anni’s body has that same very fragile feel. Satyabhama is a great and unknown jewel in the Ashram. She is blessed with a pure and benevolent heart, thinks only and constantly of Amma, loves small children, and has a spotlessly pure mind. Many people have viewed her as retarded due to her physical deformities, but we never found her so. She may actually have a slight form of autism, I don’t know. We found her to be very astute, punctual , absolutely sincere, and without pretence in any way…we miss her dear and well intentioned heart…its always a relief to be around someone, who is simply their own self.

Today is very windy, in an unnatural way. Very strong winds. Yet, life in this suburban setting goes on, as though untouched by the natural system it is in. Its very strange. Its like the medicine here. Anyhow, we have to go….Anni has a vigorous schedule of juices to maintain, I can’t really speak what is in my heart today…I know that We want and need your prayers, urgently, heart slitting prayers, for Anni’s physical recovery, to be able to spend her life in Amma’s physical service.
-Aunty Kamala and Link