The Lord will be in Amritapuri soon

April 9, 2007 Kamala Amma's Grace

Amma will soon be in Amritapuri.  I hope the darshan hut is clean, the cloths are washed, that the mosaics are sponged clean, that the back garden is blooming in beauty for Her…Geez, I wonder if the upper curtains needed washing?  everything should be dust free at all times, in case She walks in.  There may come the day that She comes home to the ashram unexpectedly, and Her room will not be ready, and She will need to lie down on the cot in the darshan hut…I don’t know who to appeal to  make sure it is  so, and there is nothing we can do about it here…its not only for our beautiful Lord,  dear brothers and sisters,  it is for Her thousands of children who will have no other hope of  being  in Her personal space but crave to be so in their hearts…I brought the new hand fans here to work on their edgings but have not had a moment to do so…I hope the fans….anyhow, we have to let all our works go, isn’t it?  I have never known what I could do for Our Beloved.  To all She gave some task, for us, there was only silence….but, it seemed like there was alot to be done in the  house of the ashram  anyhow….It was always my dream to see the Amritapuri Post Office, painted nicely, and loved up.  To see a beautiful  picture of Her secured to the wall there, the small grounds around kept clean and clear of rocks so tha natural grasses there could grow.  It was always nice to see a small stretch of green grass…and the sign with Her Sacred Name! The entrance to the Ashram… The sign should be clean isn’t it? I can’t bear it when there are droppings on her name…. The ground underneath planted with indigenous flowering plants, that no one wants, and that the chickens don’t like to eat….there is some light green with a yellow flower that grows wild around there…Maybe the sign could be painted…We should  somehow plant the sides of the main entrance road with that cow grass…it would grow up nice and green and just on the sides….and would be a lovely entrance to our ashram home….
It must be that the ashram is in the joyous fever of Her return, I cannot get these thoughts out of my mind.  We really have to figure something out for the juicestall garbage…maybe moving the whole stall to the side by the flats?I never knew who to speak to about these things….  so many small dreams were always there in us for so many different little aspects of the ashram….I’m sure we all have them….

Anyhow, my Lord, I hope Your path will always be clean before You, that where Your beautiful eyes rest will see the reflected orderliness and loving care of  Your children’s minds, that wherever your hands touch will somehow kiss Your fingers…

Our sweet Anni has been doing better since Prayer and Fasting Day, April 2/07.  She is in a little less pain, and today, one full week later, her brain has cleared significantly from all  the morphine meds which she stopped taking then.  She got up, and actually ate on her own accord for the first time, 2 times today.  She says she will eat more in a moment….But, the weight loss from nearly 4 weeks of being too sedated and nauseous to eat is having its toll…The nodules in her lungs seem to be growing, and she has excruciating pain in her chest and back..  Her breathing is labored.  The last three days, Anni has not felt able to walk slowly down to her river log, and instead has opted for a nearby field where the ground is flat and causes less problem to her back to get there….Just now, she sits on the couch softly singing , for the first time in weeks, “Varalunna Hriydayatil” ….I remember how I could always hear her coming to the flats, singing sweetly,  enjoying the sound of the accoustics in the hallways….

The doctor called us today and said that after all this time and tests, some of which – for TB  will not be in for several more weeks, or months -  that this is one of those situations where the ‘diagnosis is not completely firm’.  We understand.  They don’t know what it is.  There is a plan to put Anni in a protocol for a cancer which is probably similar in some respects to what she has, but which is not what she has.  The bottom line is, they don’t know, they want to help, and close is the best they can offer, when, it may not be ‘close’ at all, for the Lord has asked 3 times now, Is it TB?

We feel this is all somehow, Her great blessing to us.  We have other options which make alot of common sense to me, to persue.  First of all, there is the liver issue.  Anni got hepatitis A ( we assumed) in May 2002.  The yellow never left her hands or feet, which are still bright yellow.  After we tried a Chinese liver/gallstone flush  last summer, we got the yellow tinge that had remained in her face out,  but not out of her hands and feet.  The tests at NIH have all shown her liver and even the kidney with the tumor to be functioning normally.  But, as her mother, I have always known  that the liver is not.  I have hoped against hope that time would change that,  what with youth, growth, etc., but it has not.  Additionally, due to the malfunctioning of her liver,  Anni has not been able to absorb the nutrients from the food.  Both were on the same  diet, Link was managing, Anni was not.  For years.  Her hair stopped growing a few years ago.  I remember, I cut off the last six inches which were touching the back of  her legs.  And the hair never grew back.  It became thinner.  when she became anaemic,  we  put her on iron tablets, and there was no improvement.  It was obvious to me that her body could not absorb the nutrients.  But I didn’t know what to do.  I made stern aggreements with the children to drink more milk.  I upped our milk purchace from 2 or 3 packets a day to 6 and 7.  We made curd,  I pushed milk.  In the flat, I bought godumba sooji,  cracked whole wheat, and pushed that.  We tried to eat raw tomatoes and cucumbers whenever possible.  Eggs.  But, while there were some small improvements, nothing stuck….

For me, one avenue we need to go down now, before the dark road that we are being ushered into, without a clear diagnosis,  is the avenue of intense nutritional build up and detoxifying her liver.  Her liver needs help, and then, I think it will be able to help clean up the blood that goes through it.  Did you know that all the blood in the body circulates through the liver every three minutes? If  her liver is not in tip top shape how can her blood be?  NIH tests showed her liver to be functioning normally.  But this is on a bell curve,  which still does not account for the yellow palms and feet, and lack of nutrient absorption.  It makes me realize that the word ‘functioning’ can have generous parameters.  T here are many different directions go in persuing nutritional build up and liver cleansing..   Because Anni is so depleted, so sick, I do not feel that I can adquately build her up at home,  with a juicer,  etc.  We need to be in an environment that is totally dedicated to building Anni up, and nothing else.

In researching all of this, we have learned many new things.  Did you know that in the United States it is against the law to treat cancer in any other way than through surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy?  A law maker recently had to go outside the US to avail himself of  alternative therapies for his own cancer,,  and now, there is a thrust in’clinical research’ in many different methods of treating cancer.  The USA is actually about 75 years behind the rest of the world in preventive medicine and health care, now ranking about 37  among the nations in health care, the first rank, I think going to the netherlands….We saw a trial in Virginnia, documented on internet, where a 15 year old boy had to go to court in order to persue his health choices that were not radiation, chemo and operations.  The court found his parents to be in willfull neglect, gave custody of the boy to both the state and his parents, then, finally, common sense prevailed, and they allowed him to go back  out of the country to the clinic offering alternative methods to treat cancer.  For me, a sad part of this is a medical education which increasingly trains doctors  to see the body, the mind, pain, symptoms,  diet, all as relatively unrelated entities.  The development of big business out of the bodies of the helpless.  Big business for more and more drugs to keep an absolutely bizarre lifestyle that is separated from nature and from our very bodies going.  And education that backs it all up, teaching us not to think, not to be part of the natural world, or to use our own common sense….anyhow,  enough, we all know it, we can only stop it by cooperating with what we know is better,  trying to bring the humanity into it….I suppose…Only our Amma has the answers for this….I just pray that She is guiding our minds now…

So , we are  not waiting any longer, nor can we afford to.  Common sense tells me, that in the days that are passing, is our time for beginning healing.  We are looking into facilities that will assist us in building Anni’s body up with intense nurtition and liver cleansing.  We have written to Amma via Lakshmi and Gautam, and hope to hear her advice soon.  We have to do what we can do,, not sit passively by, trying to help Anni ‘manage her pain’, trying to push fat foods, to ‘bulk her up’ when she cannot digest them, and they sicken her further….we need to build her up and cleanse the liver intelligently….we need help, help that my own country does not allow to practice here.

I t is a great blessing that Anni is 18 years of age, and can take her own decisions in the medical world, and because she is legally an adult, people have to hear her wishes.  A few years before this time, would be a terrible circumstance for us.

Well, our lives are in a greater hand than our own, thank God, we have to keep vigillante, we have to keep trying…please continue your hearts sincerest prayers for Anni, for the light of truth and reason in our minds, for Her Grace upon us in every respect…. for those of you in the ashram,  please don’t forget us when the intensest of intense joys is upon you and with you all again,  please remember us to Her….Loving you, Kamala, Anni and Link