A Tale of Grace

Dearest Friends and Family,

Pranam of soul to you All.

Spring has arrived here, with a burrst of balmy weather. With it, comes optimism. Desipte the grim present. We are so busy, trying to help Anni fight the pain, gain the nutrition….more diagnosis and results are in, this time from pathologists at Mayo Clinic…and again, they are indefinite in the type of cancer, with a poor prognosis.

It is something strange, that with each new horrible finding, each new shock and sinking feeling: like Anni has advanced state of cancer, like there is something abnormal in her mid-brain, like there is cancer on her liver now, like it is clear cell, then sarcoma, then TFEB, then…with each new heavy shock, undereath the sinking feeling that takes place somewhere in my heart, behind that, like the coming of spring, is somehow a feeling of relief. ‘Fine, you cannot help my daughter. Only the beautiful hands of God can. God Alone can help her. And God will!” Somehow, for us, we feel a relief. In the hands of medical doctors, we have no hope or very little according to them. In the hands of God, we have all hope. Our Amma is unlimited, modern medicine is extremely limited.

I don’t know why She has sent us to the Dr.s here. Of course, we see that many positive things have happened: the family has become more unified, there is the opportunity to be of service to my aged mother, we have become aware of the state of modern medicine and legal cancer treatment in the US - basically an experimental arm for the pharmeceutical industry….the approach of modern medicine resembles the modern society - immediate results of some sort, something on the symptom, instant gratification of some sort, but the larger, interconnected, interdependent picture, the course of genuine responsibility is neglected.

One of my great teachers in life, Dr. Joseph Elder,  a Beloved friend of all, and godfather of the children, came to see Anni,  during his recent visit to Washington, DC.  from the University of Wisconsin - Madison.   We were very touched.  He was only able to spare one hour from his busy schedule, and travelled over one hour to come see Anni.  From our beloved Joe-ji,  I have always been inspired to see the true purpose of education; to spread understanding, respect and mutual tolerance and good will.  Dr. Joseph Elder is a great light on this earth,  who inspires faith in the inherent capacity of the human individual to make it through the maze and muck of present day confusion in all realms and stratas of society, to go beyond the positioning and pettiness, to find a way to hold onto ones inner integrity, to find a way to offer the song in our hearts to one another.  It is Joe-ji, who has made Madison, WI the national resource center for South Asian Studies here in the USA….the list of his accomplishments on behalf of peace and human good will are numerous and endless…in his ’spare time’ he also takes time to visit those on death row and give them solace….we are putting his picture up on this blog so that all of you can see his radiant face.  We encourage you all to learn more about him, and if possible take the time to see one of his many films on different aspects of Indian life.

In the midst of all this, the Gerson Therapy by Dr. Max Gerson, stands like an unseen jewel. The basic premise of it, is the manifestation of spiritual healing on the physical level: Dr. Gerson saw that all illness in the body was due to two basic factors; deficiency and toxicity. The natural and scientific therapy he devised, addresses this basic platform. My brother said to the Dr. were were consulting with about the Gerson methods, ‘ You must have thousands breaking down the door, if these methods can work so well.” The Dr. said, ‘Actually, no. The Gerson therapy is the most invasive therapy of all. It invades peoples lifestyles, and that is something people don’t want to change. Food is entertainment, we entertain each other and ourselves with it. No one wants to give that up.’ I thought about this alot. Its very true. Like trying to live a God-focussed life, we turn away from that which keeps us apart from Her in our thoughts, from feeling Her in our heart. We automatically turn away. The television, movies, newspapers and magazines are very boring, a useless distraction. I think this approach to Anni’s healing, is going to transform all of us who are working with her at this time. We also are happily giving up food for entertainment. I know it is what Amma intends, despite the papadams and payasam and savory curries and sauces served in the ashram. We should learn to make our food our medicine, and our medicine, our food….and its very hard, given that we are all, no matter where we ilive on this earth, literally swimming in the deep pollution of our waters, air and earth….and nothing, anywhere is pure anymore….I guess thats why our Amma emphasizes, that we keep our thoughts and minds clean, its the only place left to us, given the circumstances….

Amma has always said, we have to give up the taste of the tongue in order to taste the heart…we are all getting this opporunity to do so here….Its amazing, we come to the US, to get ‘the best medical treatment’ as far as the ‘world’ understands it, and learn about the scientific efficacy of Kanji. When the very best that western medicine has to offer shows us a worse than empty hand, we learn about the healing possible through very close adherence to nature alone, through a scientific methodology….not nature extracted, but nature alone….And Amma is always telling us, Creation and Creator are one. I heard once that Amma has said, that we need even the grace of an ant to know God. We know that it is the grace of God, through all of Her beautiful creation, through all of you, through the exercise of our own common sense and listening to our hearts, through our Amma, that our healing of Anni lies.

These last few days have been very tough for Anni. She no longer walks outside, unless we press and press her, and then, very short distances. She refuses pain medications, we are trying all manner of other methods to relieve her…the pains start worsening each day by evening, The nights are racking. She moans, and calls out Amma, Amma, Amma repeatedly when they are so terrible. She tries to get away from us all in the evenings, to be alone and cry, but, we cannot bear it, so, although we know we harass her, we keep close…the other night, she was crying, and said to me, ‘Why can’t I see the Angels? Why can’t I see Amma?’ Another night, I was also crying, and pleading with Amma to help her….when I exhaust myself, I have to turn to all of you. One of my sons, Karthu, suggested that we hold another day of prayer and fasting. He wants one every week. We discussed this, and as Anni is not yet improving, feel we need to beat the bushes, and raise the chorus to our Lord, the All Pervasive, again. Your prayers, your effort are truely selfless. I pray, most probably out of fear of my own pain, who knows.  Deep down,  all mothers are selfish,  they want their babies whole, and well…. I am a mother, and cannot bear the thought of life without the flourishing babe….

So, please, let us know what you think.  We need another day of prayer and fasting for Anni and the Heart of Humanity.  We have to act fast.  I heard that Amma said intense prayer can heal even the parabdha of cancer….somehow our sweet innocent Anni,  is like the flower of purity in all our hearts…perhaps that is why we all feel her pain so…and the cancer in the heart of the beings on this earth? The cancer in our polluted minds?  .I know that your love, your effort,  are recorded in some Great Book, that I cannot read or even touch from where I am.  We know that we need your efforts.   I know that all efforts help not only us, but our whole planet as well….we need to do it within a weeks time….let  us hear your thoughts, and we will go from there..

With all our love,

Kamala