Silent Sufferings

March 23, 2007 Kamala Amma's Grace

I look in Anni’s beautiful eyes, and see a deep suffering and pain. She does not say much, but now requests her full dose of pain meds, and is acutely aware when the next dose is due. Seeing our concern, she smiles ever…although when alone with us she sometimes cries with the agony of bearing the pain… sometimes at nights we press her legs, arms, hot water bottle seems to help sometimes on the back…the headaches never go away, she is never free from terrible pain all over her body….she likes to be with people, with her brother, with those who come to love her, to know I am near…we can do nothing to help her really….

What tapas O lord, will you accept from me to make her whole? What can I do, O Lord? Do say… For me, my mantra is Anni, my Anni is the form of the Lord. You, O Lord, in Her…Anni is your name…what sacrifice can I make that you will hear and be pleased with? Isn’t there someway a mother’s heart can change anything? When will you awaken an d begin your dance to health in the body of precious Anni?
In the early afternoon, Sw. Br. Dayamrita came over with the coordinator for the DC area, a mother named Padmini…Sw. looked very serious….it was a short visit, but we were happy he took the time to come. We had thought to go to his program in DC, it would have been straining for Anni, and it is a youth retreat, not an evening progam. Padmini knows some devotees who are Dr.’s at the children’s hosp. one is a urologist…

The Doctors at NIH had their meeting. They are hopeful that Anni’s medical condition will qualify for a protocol study being done at the Children’s Hospital….they are making contacts and getting records and tissues…fortunately they don’t need anymore tissues. A world renown pathologist, Dr. Morino has done (and is not finished yet with) , many many tests on the samples from Anni’s body and body fluids. All they can say at this time, is while they are quite sure that it is cancer, and there is still some slight doubts, there are reactions in some tests that are like Renal Clear Cell Sarcoma, they are not sure what kind. Nonetheless, they feel, that making the most informed decision possible, they will probably seek to treat it as though it is RCC…they don’t yet know what to make of the abnormalities in the brain…suggested we come back regularly for scans…

O Lord, the Doctors don’t know what they are doing, although it is their best. Will you stand by? Anni has only wanted you, her whole life. She has never swerved even one iota from her precious babyhood…O lord, don’t you want her sweetest services? O Lord, you said, You are also Her Mother….how can you bear her sufferings so silently? Tell me what I can do!

Arun came back home to us today, it was Ajay who got in touch with Sw. Dayamrita…Ajay made delicious appams with potato stew for us all, Anni learned th e technique…Ajay is teaching himself all kinds of Indian cooking…necessity is the mother of invention…and all of us have a king called tongue…or at least an able minister… Debbie, our Chinese friend made Kanji, which is very popular in China as well, and gave us also printed evidence about what Amma had said in satsang a few weeks ago of the beneficial effects of Kanji….We are all lucky we get to taste Kanji….

Today her chest hurts more, back hurts more, head hurts more. O Lord of my Anni, I cannot say much more.
– Kamala

No Responses to “Silent Sufferings”

  • Sundari says:

    Kamala the daily archana is still going strong for Annika here at the ashram at noon. It is well attended and it can be heard all over the ashram and even in the flats as they use a good sound system!
    I walk in front of Amma’s hut and I think of all three of you and it doesn’t seem the same without you here.
    Love to Annika and Lincoln.
    We are all reading the blog Priyankari prints it out for the ammamars.
    Vimukta said “Kamala writes beautifully”
    We are all praying for Annika

  • Louise says:

    Kamala, Link, and Anni,

    I can almost feel your pain through your writing. Just know that our prayers are with you every minute of the day. Justine and I want to come see you. We will try. I would take on your suffering if I could ( and if God allowed it). Although we haven’t seen you in a while, you have always been in our hearts! Tell Anni we love her very much!!
    God bless you all!!

  • gabrielle says:

    kamala anni and link

    how can i let these words channel love to you
    i am doubtful in myself , then strongly rooted in my center, waves of emotionas pass by me, cold hot, ..i wish i could touch you, bring smiles to your faces, hold you to my heart
    i am with you in sincere prayers and my heart trobs when thinking of you
    my family you are, dear souls , i think the first family i experienced a connection of sincere love , an open line by speech , ..
    i am suffering with you,praying with you, in faith of our lord..with you
    may the day be soon where we are all reunited in love peace and happiness
    god bless you

  • maria says:

    Dear Anni,

    I think so much of you, everybody does. Will our love for you make your pain less? Anni be strong…

  • Vaishnavi Fantuzzi says:

    Kamala, Link & Anni
    Amma’s Sankalpa is here now and powerfully focused on Anni. Kamala I am sick with cirrossis of the liver and it is true the hardest karma is the one we have to endure, yet our faith sustains us heals us and brings us closer to the love. Kamala as a Mom I hear every note of your pain, your whole family and espically Anni..I pray for each and everyday …all day. Everyone I know is praying for you, we hold you up in healing light we love you so. Can you post a picture of Anni? How old is she?
    Vaishnavi Fantuzzi
    Chicago Satsang

  • Priyanka Venkatesh says:

    Annika u r going to be fine. People around the world are praying for u. Kamala aunty , I salute for ur strength and god will never leave ur hand. our prayers are always with you. God bless annika for a speedy recovery. Priynaka

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