Reminders of Her Grace

March 27, 2007 Kamala Amma's Grace

Dearest Friends and family,

We have not written in a few days. At present, the medical world from NIH has sent out Anni’s body fluids and tissues slides to labs in New Jersey and California to see if the disease qualifies for treatment under new medical protocols (studies) which are the ‘cutting edge’ of cancer treatment. It might take a few days to come back, and then it will go to different places where they are doing these studies. Uncle Jeff looked at all the protocols going on in the country, and said Anni may fit only into one – the one in DC at the Washington Childrens’ Cancer Hospital, and even then, it is not sure. Link and I looked at the studies, and nearly passed out cold from the descriptions of the aggressive treatment….we decided, it is better if others do the hard core research on all that, and we will just try to be here for Anni in every way possible. I have a profound admiration for anyone that survives cancer treatment.
By Her Grace, we spoke with Her yesterday morning in the wee hours. Twice She asked if it was TB, and said at another point that “The people who do research will say many things,Amma dioes not know if it is that(correct).” Translated by Link and Anni…so we are trying to get in touch with a young lady whom we know had brain TB that Anni had contact with two years ago. The Lord also said something about ‘maanasa shakti’ which we couldn’t quite catch. But, I know we need mental strength, self confidence, confidence in Her in us.

It was a hard night for the little one. Link didn’t get to bed until 4AM working on the computer. Stupored over with sleep, I heard Anni moaning throughout the hours of brahma-muhurta – 3AM onwards…We got up several times to give the pain med, but the pain med doesn’t take it all away….I suspect that the lesion activity is particularly painful. In the morning , she requested our massage on her aching back and legs. We did that for several hours then she fell asleep. So today, our little one has eaten very little.

Uncle Jeff hasn’t been able to come by the house for over a week. He has had a terrible viral fever and is afraid that Anni may get infected. In addition, he hasawierd rash all over his body which makes it hard to wear clothing. While our beloved Arun and Pappu were here, they helped with everything. Now they are gone. When Jeff was here last Tuesday during Dr. Joe’s first visit, he wore a mask over his mouth and nose, as he thought he could be contagious to Anni. He sat on the other side of the living room. We talk to him several times during the day, but haven’t seen him since. I think being conscious that one has a disease that could be communicable and taking active steps to stop the spread of it is something that we should educate our children into: covering mouths, responsible handling of sputum, and bodily fluids, etc. Those who contract serious communicable diseases should be educated as to their responsibility to others….somehow, the concept of social responsibility is not yet part of medical prescriptions…to seek to safeguard the health of others by restricting ourselves when sick should be viewed as positive social behavior….

Heather,( a lovely young lady who helps encourage my mother to walk, and often eats breakfast and/or lunch with her) during the week took me out to go shopping for groceries before her afternoon classes. I had a list of things for Anni. When I got to where I remembered the store was in 2003 it was all closed up. there was a huge cyclone fence with barbed wire on top, It looked militaristic and unfriendly. There were stone holes through some of the big windows. There wasaCVS , a nationwide pharmeceutical style store. In there, innundated with choices and fine print on the bath soap bottles, I tried to find those little clicker heat packs that are used for Amma , as Anni has so many little places that are paining terribly. Heather was very helpful. At the end, I met an Indian looking employee,namedAnju and asked her where she was from. “Mumbai” came the answer. I told her I was from Amma’s ashram, did she know of Amma,? “My parents are her staunch devotees! They were just there in a place called Nerul to see Her on the 17th!” So, that was nice. The Lord was letting me know that although my heart was aching that my Anni could not be choosing out the little things with me, that She is with me….
After getting the bath things, we went to a “subways” as just a week ago Anni enjoyed at least 6″ of those sandwiches. I hoped that getting one would encourage her to eat., Its another huge chain store that makes foot long sandwiches known as “heros’ or ‘grinders’ or ‘submarines’ The choices were many. In end, as I checked out, I noticed that the cashier, cum manager had an interesting accent. So, I literally heard myself asking, Where are you from? He said, “Mauritius.” It ends up he lives right down the road from our Mauritius Ashram. I asked him if heknewourBrahmachari Veerappan who had been in the ashram there for 13 years, he said he thought so. He was so surprised to learn that Amma is coming there in a few short days.! Isn’t that sweet? She is very gracious to us, who ache in heart, body and mind, about being away from Her, about everything.

So, hopefully, some of these products – lemony and cucumber scents, will make Anni feel refreshed in some way after bath…..

Link had a nightmare that Anni refused to eat. He had a hard time yesterday, as she did not eat much…he is very tensed about Anni’s condition. In the last week, it looks and feels like she has gone down a lot. The only medication she has right now is for pain, nausea, and for subsequent constipation due to medication….

Dr. Joe called yesterday and gave wonderful encouragement to Anni, talking about getting on with life, not wating for a diagnosis, looking into med school and grants here, accepting and recognizing the chronicness of the situation, and deciding to live her life more in the future. Using the volition or will power. Its all very true and wonderful, and part of the allimportantMaanasa Shakti. Its just very hard when you can’t sleep, eat, or move normally due to pain….but she is trying.

Our dear Debbie came by. She instinctively knows what to get Anni. This time, it is tomatoes – grape tomatoes, they are called, smaller than cherry tomatoes. Babystyleyogurts . Little cartons of orange juice. Bread sticks…we do not get to see her much but she is thinking always about Anni, and is always bringing little things to perk her appetite up….It was Debbie that got us all on the Lord’sKanji again…Anni takes about 24 OZ of Kanji a day since then….Link had the rare opportunity to sit near the Lord a little while ago – maybe in Feb. and She was talking about the health benefitsofKanji. Scientifically, Kanji vellum – water – has been found to be a food source that immediately supplies the blood cells, revitalizing them….

Anni walked down to the river nearby again today, choosing a closer spot. Her back pain and lung pain made the slow walk a real exertion, and she could hardly walk back. Just that little walk made her sweat…Later in the evening, on top the bed, she suddenly said, ‘It just got a little better, Icansuddently breathe a little more, it is Her grace”…..

We need your ardent prayers, more than ever! Anandi wrote us that when she asked Amma about Anni, Amma said, “PRAY!” Its all we have. Our hearts, our love and the greatest debt of our life is to all of you, who selflessly pray for beloved Anni. I know it is all of you, whose loving and unselfish prayers God”s Grace will answer.OmAmriteshwaryai Namah, Namah, Namaha.