Call to Tapas

March 29, 2007 Kamala Amma's Grace

Dearest Friends and Family,

I have to tell you.  Anni is having more and more trouble breathing.  If she goes for a short walk, she labors hard to get air, to the point where she sweats.  The last few days are seeing her sweat easily after small movements.  Nights are torturous,  she moans in pain most of the night.  Perhaps it is the growths on her spine that cause her excruciating constant pain in her back.  I can’t go into all of it.  I can only say, truthfully, that our Anni’s body is sinking fast under the burden of cancer.  You would feel very sad if you saw her now, from March 1st,  it is a huge difference.

We need your help.  The fact is, the doctors at NIH have told us frankly that they do not know what kind of cancer it is.  They thought it was RCC –renal clear cell sarcoma or carcinoma, and hoped they had a medical direction to point us in for her treatment. But after more detailed tests  the Doctors say now that it is not that.  This means that there is no advanced therapy for what she has.  They don’t know quite where yet to point us for treatment.  They are still conducting further refined tests on the tissues taken from her, and at this time, Anni has no doctor for beginning treatments with, as the diagnosis is still unclear.  Yet, the burden of cancer upon her body which in February was seen to be last stage, advanced metastasized cancer, is still there, still growing, and we are approaching April.  Our time is precious.  The medical world has not been able to help us yet.

Anni has been put on several different types of pain killers to reduce her discomfort.  In essence, these have also become another burden for her as she fights the nausea, constipation, mood alterations and the stupor that they induce in her.  Today, we were all again at NIH,  as she could no longer tolerate the pain medicines. She has been sent home with another round of different drugs, now with morphine to ‘manage’ the pain.

As her mother, I can see it.  We don’t have much time.  Its in her eyes, in the struggle she is making to do very small things.  I feel strongly we have to make a big push right now, through our hearts, to God Alone,  to heal and save her in her body.  I don’t know how to say it.  I don’t know if I have the right to ask you all, but I must.  Please help our dearest Anni, so sweet and dear to all of us!  Please join us in a fast of penance, of tapas,  to God. Please join us on Monday, April 2, 2007, your time, wherever you are.  Let us appeal to Her all compassionate Grace which can create universes, bring rains, heal hearts and open flowers, to transform the karma or fate that Anni is suffering from!  Let us cry to Our Lord with aching and selfless hearts, to free our Anni from all disease,  and to free the human race from the diseases of the heart!

t will be the fourth day from now,  her pain and difficulty in breathing, moving, etc. is so significant now, that I don’t know what her situation will be in 4 days.  In one week, the decline has been very dramatic.  But, we all need to take the time between now and then to prepare our minds and hearts for this sincere effort.

Wherever you are, if you can join with others, do so, for Our Lord Amma and many others, as Lord Jesus, Gandhiji, Abdul Baha to name only a few I know, have all said that group effort and prayer has power.  If you cannot,  mentally offer your efforts to the stream of appeal created from all efforts.

It is said that the universe abhors a vacuum.   I know that if we all make this appeal, to God, to Truth, to our Lord, our Maker, I know that there must be a response.  We are very aware that so many of you are making sincere efforts and prayers every day on behalf of Anni,  but we need to make a break through of some sort…I don’t know what it is, but, for some reason,  I feel and see it so…I know that if we can do this,  make a greater sacrifice,  a door has to open for her.  And when this door opens for Anni, it will open for thousands if not millions.  Somehow, I see and feel it so.

I remember about 5 years ago, Shanti, an Indian lady from Australia was at the ashram.  She showed me a photo of a picture of Amma that had completely changed when an old style photograph was taken of it. This was right before digital became the norm. This is the story as I understand it:  Hearing all the news of war and strife going on across the planet, Shanti felt drawn to offer some small penances or tapas, to God, to help change the energy on the earth.  She took a vow, and for 40 days, got up every day early, and by 6:00 was seated for a heartfelt archana.  She slept on the floor near her bed, instead of on the bed, praying that this small token of self imposed hardship, would help to atone for the ignorant acts of mankind, in some small way.  She sacrificed some aspect of her diet as well, I can’t remember what.  I may have part of this wrong,  I can’t recall verbatim, only the impression that I gained.  I was touched by her selfless effort, and the small and do-able things that she had decided to offer to God, to help transform the earth.  Her efforts were sweet and beautiful.

What was amazing, was God’s response. On the last day of the fast,  her daughter, relatives and neighbor were sitting on a couch in the living room.  On the bookshelf adjacent to the couch was a photo of Amma – one familiar to most of us, wherein Amma is sitting in a basket chair in Sweden, with a parrot perched overhead on top the chair.  When the family photo was developed,  Lo! The Amma photo had changed.  Shanti had Amma’s photo alone enlarged.  What was there, curls the toes with heart’s delight. Amma’s spotless sari was hanging outside the frame at the bottom of the picture.  Instead of Ammas precious form,  there was a huge Shiva Lingam, swathed in her soft sari.  There were some insignias on the form which I didn’t understand, but have seen before. The parrot was not there.

When Shanti took the photo and story to Amma, She said it was due to Shanti’s sincere tapas or penance for world peace that God had decided to appear in this way, to encourage her efforts, to let her know that she was heard.

Beloved friends, let us join together, in a day of Tapas and prayer, for Anni and for the heart of the human race to be freed of all disease!  On April second,  let us offer the tapas of a fast.  Do so in whatever way appeals to your heart and conscience.  If you have a health problems, do not endanger yourself in anyway,  make a smaller sacrifice, maybe one meal only, maybe no rice or bread, do whatever appeals sincerely to your heart and reason.  And let us pray, together, 5 times throughout the day for Anni and the heart of the human race to be free from all disease.  Upon rising, mid morning, before lunch, mid afternoon, and evening.

For those of us here with Anni, we will fast,  (I will take weak teas and water) for 36 hours.  We will spend the day in silence, except for Anni’s service, and prayer.  I know that we can change fate, we can change ourselves, our hearts and this earth, to make a new life here, for all of us.  We need your help!

No Responses to “Call to Tapas”

  • Neeraja says:

    Dear little sister Anni,
    I was feeling so sad not to have been able to see you again before going to North India tour because of my European Matruvani work. Then during the journey to Mananthavadi, in Mananthavadi and journey again to Mysore, I was always thinking of you, worrying about you as I couldn’t get any information. I felt -and still feel- so much concern for you like for my own biological family. This feeling showed me that we are part of the same family, the spiritual one, Amma’s family and that the bounds between all of us are very strong and real. Finally, in Mysore, I came to know that you went to US with Amma’s blessings. And now that someone gave the name of your website, I am regularly checking it to know about your condition… and I have the golden opportunity to speak to you through it! Amma’s gift!
    So, I know that your sufferings increased but, as much as you can Anni, don’t give up! Fight and fight, try to see only the positive side of things, keep always Amma in your mind and visualise that she is giving you the necessary strength, courage to fight, that she is constantly bathing you in her Love. You know it very well: Amma only is your refuge…
    I will join your family on April 2nd and will fast and pray on your behalf and also for Bombay Acchan, Steve Fleischer, Ron, etc. and all those in the world who are undergoing similar sufferings. Here, we all are daily praying for all of you.
    I love you so much, little sister Anni, and I hold you tightly in my arms.
    Thousands and thousands of kisses,
    Your sister Neeraja
    P. S. : forgive me for the mistakes I surely have done with my english

  • louise says:

    We will pray with you on Monday. We have been praying every day anyway. I will also fast with you. I know that if we all do this, it will make a difference! We love you. Tell Anni that Justine loves her “big sister” and hopes her pain and suffering stops soon, and that her doctors can come up with something as soon as possible. Our hearts are with you right now!!

  • Indu says:

    Dearest sister Anni and family,

    I’m having a very hard time reading these entries. It is heartbreaking. I am thinking of you and loving you and praying for you so much. I am sending this latest post to friends – family – our family!!

    May Amma continue to hold you all so close to Her heart… There are no words to express the anguish that all of you are going through, and the anguish of all of your family around the world who are sharing in your pain.


  • Ananya says:

    Hello Anni and Family,
    You most likely do not know me, but I have seen you several times at Amritapuri. One time you were nursing a small crow back to health on the back stairs — it was so sweet. I am a 6th grade teacher, and today I asked my whole class to pray for you – and they did. The students shared stories that they had heard about people who had been very ill becoming well again! On Monday we will pray the Rosary for your well being.
    God Bless you.

  • Divya says:

    Dear Annika, Kamala, and Lincoln,

    My heart sank as I read this most recent entry. I’ve been out of touch for a while just having returned to the US to my parents’ house—I’m jetlagged, weirdlagged, and haven’t connected with any devotees yet.

    I will join you in prayers Monday. Thank God I got to see all of you at AIMS just before you left for the States. Everything is happening so fast. Only God is unchanging. If only we could “Be still and know I Am God.”

    Take care.

    In Amma, Divya

  • Aurore_Nirupama says:

    Dear Annika,
    I don’t know if you remember me and my family. The last time we saw you was 2 years ago, during summer. I remember the joyful moments we spent all together, with the group, doing seva after karthika, in Acchan and Amma’s house… I just wanted to tell that we don’t forget you, and we will pray and fast with all of you tomorrow. Don’t worry, I am sure that Mother will hear our prayers, she will do something, and I know that you are strong…
    Let’s continiue to fight and pray !
    In Ammas love and grace,
    Nirupama (Aurore), and her family (from France)
    p.S. please forgive the many mistakes i have surely done…

  • Tara says:

    Dearest, darlingest sweet little Anni,

    We r all praying so hard day and night for u. Get well soon sweetheart.

    Love u love u love u love u love u love u love u xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Shashi says:

    Dearest Precious Child of Amma, Sweet Anni and your beloved Mother Kamala, I am joining the rest of the devotees, family and friends in prayers for you Anni and your Mother and entire family.

    Kamala, I hope you will recollect all the wonderful memories from the New Hampshire Ashram. I still remember Anni as the young girl, with her brother with the sweetest smile, such good children, I used to feel. Kamala, remember in 1999 Jan, when Swami Ramakrishna and Br. Dayamrita had come for a retreat, the night before I had broken down and cried missing my Mother who had passed away after many years of Lou Gherigs and then I had this wonderful dream where Lord Sri Krishna appeared and Kamala, the next morning when I related this to you, you gave me a beautiful carved locket of Lord Sri Krishna immediately (the one on your neck). I still have your letter you wrote to me during that time frame. Then the last I saw you and your children was when I was doing my pilgrimage and was travelling with Amma and stayed in the ashram from Janaury 29 to Feb 12th 2002.

    Sanatani, another dearest sister of mine and yours has been searching for you. I hope you will have made contact by now. I tried very hard to get a contact info for Sanatani to reach you.

    Dearest Anni, it is so hard for you, one can’t imagine what you are undergoing. I have a feeling this is some great Tapas (which by Amma’s grace will heal fully). Still, I can’t even imagine what heartache your Mom must be going through to see her beautiful sweet child suffering. Anni and Kamala, you have so many hearts praying for your entire family and Anni something remarkable had happened yesterday, I felt a sudden compulsion to fast yesterday evening (April 2, 2007) now I had not checked any email nor had read this information on this website until today, but for some reason, a need to fast came into my being.

    I am hoping to embark on something which I used to do with ease in my early 30s, i.e. fast , but has not been easy now that I have crossed into my 40s. I will pray to AMma to give me the strength and willpower to fast and will continue my prayers for your complete healing dear Annika. Know that many many hearts and God’s grace unfathomable, can create miracles. I am praying for your complete recovery and that your suffering should be removed and that your cancer should heal.

    With my warm and loving hugs and prayers.
    Shashi (Cambridge, MA) (KrishnaPremiPriya)
    April 3, 2007

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