A Tale of Grace

Dearest Friends and Family,
May 29 marks the day when we moved to San Ramon. This was the last phase of Anni’s earthly life. For us, it feels to be sacred time. Her suffering was so intense. So, So, So INTENSE.

We feel we have to make some small sacrifices. For us, it is a type of Lent. We don’t know who and what is Anni, why she had to suffer so much, what it was all for. Nothing has been explained to us. When we said to Amma last August, that Anni had suffered sooooooooooo much, she said, “Many of the Mahatmas have had to suffer. Look at Ramana Maharshi, and Ramakrishna Paramahansa – they both had cancer and suffered terrible pain. Vivekananda also got very sick and died. ” She also mentioned that when a person has cancer, every pore in their body is in agony.

I don’t know why Anni suffered so much. I don’t know how she bore it. She never even cried out. For everyone else, it was one year ago almost, that she passed. For us, it is still last night. I don’t think that ever changes. I met a dear friend after Anni passed, who lost her daughter nearly 20 years ago. She said, the nightmare never ends.…. As my beloved advisor said, you find those points of communion….we can function when we feel her somehow to be with us in what we do for that we need quiet and concentration, although she is there in activity too.

Anni was totally fearless. She was 100% accepting of what was happening with her life. She had a full surrender. I hear a lot about surrender, but Anni surely lived in surrender. She had no resistance, but in her heart also, she wanted to stay with us. Pema Chodron, a Buddhist Abbess stationed in Canada said: “Impermanence is a principle of harmony. When we don’t struggle against it, we are in harmony with reality.” Anni did not struggle against the impermanence of her body nor the directions her life was taking her.

I don’t know why the Creator didn’t let someone so good and wonderful air-condition this earth for longer. She wanted to stay and serve, but apparently that’s not enough.  To want to serve is not a reason that we may be allowed to stay here.  Our wishes and deepest desires apparently matter very little.  None of us are here to stay.

When I see the horrendous loss of human life in the last two spasms of Nature – cyclone Nargis and the earthquake in China, I don’t know how those dear people are managing. If they lost family, how they are coping, considering their homes, their places of memory, their communites and entire life is torn permanently apart. I pray their minds will somehow be strong, that they will get the places and spaces they need inside and outside themselves. I saw a photo where there was a city of huge tents, and one made into a school, and a thousand or so survivors of one area were starting their kids in school, so they won’t lose out, and be able to make the exams.

On one hand, I think the routine of school, the hellish stress on exams, will be a place the children can put their minds, and somehow give themselves some sort of stability. On the other, I think its ridiculous to heap that kind of pressure on people who, are human, and therefore, deeply traumatized from the event. They might actually benefit from being allowed to commune with nature quietly….

All our lives are so fragile, none of us will be here long, yet we get so distracted from the only real duty we have. Sogyal Rinpoche, who wrote the Tibetan Book of the Living and the Dead expressed some thoughts I find useful to reflect on:

“Western laziness consists of cramming our lives with compulsive activity, so that there is no time at all to confront the real issues.”

Another Tibetan Buddhist student, Matthew Ricard, talks about this compulsiveness and self distraction like this:

“Simplifying our lives does not mean sinking into idleness, but on the contrary, getting rid of the most subtle aspect of laziness; the one which makes us take on thousands of less important activities.”

Anni lived without much distraction from her self. Even when she was healthy, she always had a part of her that was tied to and focused on her true self. She had detachment combined with ineffable sweetness. I remember how Anni would spend many moments in a very pensive state – she had complete concentration…She was never ‘out of it’ until the end, and even then, it wasn’t that she was out of it, it was that something had gone wrong in her body and she could no longer master it.

From before my Anni, during Anni and after the end of her physical body, I find I am still trying to find ways to make my life useful to this earth. When the kids were small I used to read them a story about “The Lupine Lady”. She grew up in a small town, and traveled around the world, and had adventures, and became a teacher, and finally retired, and in her retirement, went around and around her country on her bicycle, broadcasting lupine seeds, which, sprouted and made the waysides of the road very beautiful. In her very old age, she was in her bed, looking out the window, and saw the lupines come up in springtime. She sighed, and said, something to the effect of that she was happy she could have made the world a little more beautiful for having lived in it.

Irena Sendler, was a woman from Poland, who during the horrendous murdering of Jewish men, women and children, under Hitler, managed to cleverly sneak out over 2500 Jewish children to countries of protection and safety. The grateful survivors have always sought to honor her. In a letter to the Polish Senate after a lawmaker lauded her efforts, she firmly wrote:

“Every child saved with my help and the help of all the wonderful secret messengers, who today are no longer living, is the justification of my existence on this earth, and not a title to glory.”

We think we have time to spare, time for distraction, no power to stop the social obligations and etiquettes that waste the precious seconds of our lives. In studying Gandhi’s words and Amma’s teachings, I increasingly find, that there is the reality of which they speak, which they say is the purpose of life. I find the de-brainwashing, the de-conditioning that needs to happen can only happen in silence and seclusion, with the assistance of numerous scriptures that can again and again tell the mind – you are not the body, not the mind, you are something else….what is it? In stillness, watching nature, even an ant, we see the fragile life consciousnss….that operates in a totality of harmony…We find it takes great effort and concentration, because everything, everything that exists in this differentiating world of individuality, conditions and distracts us….

It is to convince myself of the Reality that transcends physical life, that is all around me, everywhere, that I have written this, and the purpose of which – my own re-conditioning into Truth, that I write anything.

And, to let you all know that we hold you in our hearts as we make our own efforts towards Truth and Love, and hope that you will hold us in yours.
Loving you,

Kamala Aunty, Anni and Link

Dearest Friends and Family,

            I have been meaning to write.  Anni’s birthday was on Sunday, April 20^th.  She would have been twenty years old.  I remember the day she was born.  It was a cold April day, in Connecticut, USA.  There were still chunks of snow around – at that time of year, the snow that remains is kind of ‘ricey’ in the way the ice breaks up.  Ice is really a fantastic thing – so many forms, it’s so beautiful…as frost it makes exquisite swirling patterns against the glass panes of houses, icicles, ice storms coat all the little twiglets in a thin sheet of ice – then they glisten like diamonds in the next morning sun…ice is another whole celebration of what the creation can do with water in the frozen direction.   That day, the first spear blades of grass were pushing up through the last year’s mat of brown grasses,  the frozen grasses crunched underfoot….  After the birth, I walked outside alone for a while in silence,  the air very cold…She had been silent at birth, it wasn’t until a few hours later that I heard her sweet voice calling me.

            I can’t go there too long.  Those days and these days are hard.

            This year,  on her birthday,  Sunday,  around 7 AM, a friend knocked at the door, as she stepped over the threshold, a beautiful bhajan composed itself in her mind…we recorded it later on in the evening. We want to make a short home movie – How to Love a Bird –  featuring Joy-Joy,  for Amma, and use the music as background soundtrack…if we can get it done, we will try to put it up where you can all see it.  We felt that the day was sacred to us, that we needed to utilize it to refresh ourselves in our spirit – for that is what we are, and where we are really.  So, we fasted till late at night when we each took personal vows on her birthday to keep ourselves true to her, to bring us to her presence when the time here is done. As they are personal,  I can’t reveal them here.

            A few days before her birthday, we found a wonderful book in the ashram trash.  It has been a lot of the inspiration, that and the studies we have done on Gandhi’s use of vow, and what Amma has said about it…  In fact, I couldn’t believe it was in the trash, and I said to the Sorter (one lady in the ashram has undertaken a huge effort to handle the ashram waste responsibly, one dimension of it is careful sorting into recycyleable, burnable, compostable – each with their many sub-sorting divisions,  I must say, ‘Hats Off!’ to the ashram waste sorters!) – ‘This book is in the waste?! Do you want it?  You don’t want it?! It’s a fantastic book!.  I mean, it was flabbergasting to get such a jewel – as Link said, the ashram waste has really picked up over the years….electronics, stainless ware, pens, calculators…    More than 30 years ago, I looked at Kempis’ work, but it was a different translator.  Translators make a big difference Although I recognized that there was something vast that he was touching, the translation turned me off….Tylenda has translated the book, as a service of love to his relative, who sought to join a Catholic monastery.  While the self denigration tone of much of Christian literature is there,  its more in place, and one can get around it easily to the point that Kempis is trying to make in each verse. I can’t quite appreciate the self-flagellation of medieval Christianity…although I suppose it was necessary for those, there, then. 

Amma often says how on a grassy field, one trip through will produce tracks.  Young minds are like that.  Whereas, on a rock covered mountain, countless trips will hardly make a dent.  It is to assist in the denting that I will write it out.  I do see, in both Link and Anni, that they have taken in what they have understood Amma to say….I am endlessly grateful that they were here in their early youth…as grassy fields for her feet…

Link was elated at the find.  We poured over it greedily, and while we let people look at it, we don’t let it out of the room…its our new night time reader.  I hope to start handcopying it into my own format,  to help get it through the rock….

For your reference:

Kempis, Thomas A.  Translated  from the Latin by Tylenda, Joseph N., The Imitation of Christ. Vintage Spiritual Classics. NY.

When Swami Vivekananda traveled to the West, and later spoke at  the World Parliament of Religions in Chicago in 1895 – (100 years before Amma addressed the same organization), he had two books in his pocket according to Eknath Eswaran – Thomas Kempis’ The Imitation of Christ  and the Bhagavad Gita.

The book is divided into 4 books.  The first is: Book One.  Helpful Counsels for the Spritual Life. I’ll just open the book, with a prayer for all of you, and see what comes – here it is, I’ll write the first quote my eye fell on to give you a taste, Chapter 12.1:

“Sometimes it is to our advantage to endure misfortunes and adversities; for they make us enter into our inner selves and acknowledge that we are in a place of exile and that we ought not to rely on anything in this world.  And sometimes it is good for us to suffer contradictions and know that there are those who think ill and badly of us, even though we do our best and act with every good intention.  Such occasions are aids in keeping us humble and shield us from pride.  When men ridicule and belittle us, we should turn to God, who sees our innermost thoughts, and seek His judgment.” ( 1. 12. 1)

            We are finding that a vow is a very useful thing, especially, a vow to God.  We find it to be a great protection.  As when one is a child, our mothers will tell us – Listen, if any of the classmates ask you or tell you to do something you don’t want to do, just say, ‘My Mother won’t let me do it.”.   Taking a vow of this nature, is like that – it brings one into the constant presence of the inner Mother, the ideal, held there through the vow.  It actually relieves one of self responsibility.  The vow bears the responsibility.  As such, vows are wonderfully freeing.   All of this, we are just coming into.  Probably, many of you are much further in your experiments in this direction…In this life, we are permanently stuck at the beginner stage.  As my dear Friend from childhood, a Bahai, once said, “We are always just beginning to Touch.”

            Here are a few quotes from Gandhi on the use of ‘vow”:

 “If we resolve to do a thing, and are ready even to sacrifice our lives in the process, we are said to have taken a vow.  It is essential for every person to train himself to keep such vows; one can strengthen one’s power of will by doing so and fit oneself for greater tasks.  One may take easy and simple vows to start with and follow them with more difficult ones.”[1]

Gandhi found vows to be essential for character building.  I like this quote, as I see in it the conditioning many of us receive from our more ‘therapeutically oriented society’ in the west that somehow does not allow or encourage us to come into moral and ethical character building:

“The same law, which regulates these heavenly bodies, applies equally to men.  A person unbound by vows can never be absolutely relied upon.  It is overweening pride to say, “This thing comes natural to me.  Why should I bind my self permanently by vows?  I can well take care of myself at the critical moment…To shirk taking of vows betrays indecision and want of resolution.  One never can achieve anything lasting in this world by being irresolute.  For instance, what faith can you place in a general or a soldier who lacks resolution and determination, who says, ‘I shall keep guard as long as I can?’”[2]

 

            We found this format for vow taking, suggested by Gandhi, and followed it for ourselves:

“What are the factors to be considered before taking a vow and whether it can be modified afterwards?”

“Any vow to be taken must be written out in precise terms.  It should be done in the presence of a witness, if available at the time.  If a doubt arises, it must be interpreted rigidly, not loosely.  Nothing should be appended to it, under the excuse of being left out, which would weaken it.  For instance, say, I pledge not to touch liquor.  No country has been mentioned in this pledge.  I then go to England and someone persuades me to take liquor on the grounds of health.  Now, I cannot argue that since I happened to be in India at the time of taking the pledge it applied only to my stay there and that I was free to take liquor while abroad.  Nor can I permit myself to take liquor as a medicine on the ground that there was no mention of medicines in the pledge.” [3]

“By these resolutions, you bring the body under subjection.  Body is matter, soul is spirit, and there is internal conflict between matter and spirit.  Triumph of matter over the spirit means destruction of the latter. …The spirit can express itself only through matter or body.  But that result can be obtained only when the body is used as an instrument for the uplifting of the soul.  The vast majority of the human family do not use the body in that manner….We who know the soul to be imperishable living in a body which ever changes its substance and is perishable must by making fixed resolutions bring our bodies under such control that finally we may be able to use them for the fullest service to the soul.” [4]

“No one need take fright at my observations or give up the effort in despair.  The taking of a vow does not mean that we are able to observe it completely from the very beginning; it does mean constant and honest effort in thought, word and deed with a view to its fulfillment.  We must not practice self-deception by resorting to some make-believe.”[5]

            This is what I could find that Amma has said about vows ( a sadhak is a spiritual aspirant):

“To observe vows is not a weakness.  Wooden planks are useful in building a boat only if they can be bent.  In order to bend them, the shipwright beats them. Likewise, by observing spiritual discipline, the sadhak can bring his/her mind under control.  Without taming the mind, the body cannot be controlled.”[6]

 

            I imagine you have all heard about the devastating cyclone in Myanmar – the death toll is nearly 50 K so far and rising –  satellite photos are showing the entire Irawaddy Delta as being underwater….I don’t know if Aun Sun Suuki ( is that her name?)  is still under house arrest… I don’t know what our prayers can do, but its all we can offer from this distance.  Things aren’t looking too good for the planet…

Loving you,

Kamala, Anni and Link

[1] CWMG 12:238 age 45.

[2] CWMG 41:273 August 22, 1929 Age 61.

 [3] CWMG 56: 127 October 22, 1933 Age 61.
[4] CWMG 15:77 January 25, 1919 age 51.

[5] WMG 44:79 August 12, 1930 Age. 61.
[6] Matruvani  August, 2004. Vol 15. No.12. p.12  Sadhana.

Dearest Friends and Family,
We found these interesting little notes in some of Anni’s school books. These may have been SMS messages that inspired her, for she wrote them down. She doesn’t state the author, but, that was not her concern, the inspiration was:

1. The present is our own
   Live, love and toil with a will…
   Place no faith in tomorrow
   For the clock then may be still….

2. Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves….

3. Smiles – miles away from stress
   Dreams – distances away from dangers

—Good things to think about, eh?

We find she always worked on keeping her thoughts and her mind in a good place. We miss our darling teacher and best friend.

Loving you,
Kamala, Anni and Link

Dearest Friends and Family,

A dear little bird, they are called sunbirds here, has come into our lives. She was a victim of a crow attack and was brought to us a few days ago by some students who rescued her from the fracas in their dining hall.  We feel somehow she is of our Anni.  She is still somewhat of a baby bird. We have named her  Jyoti Joy-joy.  And so she is.  By nature, she eats the juice of flowers and berries, she can hover, her tongue is like a hair – very fine…I think she also eats bugs, for her beak has somewhat of a curve.  As big as the first two joints on our index finger, she has, in an exceedingly short time, adjusted herself to our tiny flat space.  Within five minutes of entry, she was sucking happily through a dropper. She evidences great attachment to the dropper.  It took us three days to find out her name – whenever I looked in the archana book, (our standard naming procedure for beings that come to us in the ashram)  I got the same entry – Om Durgayai Namaha….That is another thing that makes me think she is of Anni…Anni’s will was sterling steel, harder than diamonds…. while pregnant with her, I kept seeing a tiger in my dreams….In the Hindu pantheon, the tiger is the vehicle of Durga….this little tiny bird has a very strong will.

She is intensely adorable and bright.  She flies to our fingers, lets us cuddle and kiss her, recognizes her name and chirps differently if we call her…just adorable.  She delights in flight, and when she comes to alight on our fingers often swoops and zooms around past, then back to us for the sheer joy of it.  She can flit   very fast….

For a few days at night we put her in a tissue box.  She didn’t like it.  She resisted.  She is so sweet that one hates to do something she does not like…so, now we let her be free at night as well.  Once it gets dark she hunkers down on the lines we have up high for clothes in the kitchenette.  If the light turns on, she wakes up…. As the entire flat is her cage and ours,  we cannot put the fan on, for fear of damage to her…Once she goes to sleep, we turn it on….

A storm has just come in, and she has retired, the skies are dark.  The unseasonable rains in Kerala are causing havoc to the rice crops…that’s another whole story, a tragic one, with Farmer’s committing suicide, right up the road as they cannot get help or harvesting machines in time to bring in their hard labored crops….Link has been hoping to get out and help bring in the paddy with other concerned students, but politics are obstructing their efforts while food for thousands of people literally rots in the fields….at time like these, it does really seem that madness runs the planet…then a little Jyoti Joy-joy comes into our life, like a life-line to the REAL and TRUE in the creation…..

I’ll ask Link to put some photos of her up….
Loving you,
Kamala Anni Link and Jyoti Joy-joy

Dearest Friends and Family,

Back to the story with Shiva – Let it suffice to say, that by God’s grace  he is now in a school in Tamil Nadu, called Amar Seva Sangham. There is a dear devotee here, who had sponsored a child there for years.  Knowing of the place, she contacted them and they were willing to try Shiva out there for a month.   If he can adjust, they will help him to get an education and job skills training in numerous fields, enabling him to do more than daily wage work.

Amar Seva Sangham  is an institution which serves handicapped, severely handicapped,  spastic, cerebral palsied,  retarded, polio victims, the blind and deaf and others -  its amazing.  We suggest people to check out their website – www.amarseva.org  It is really an awesome place.  There are also a few non-handicapped people like Shiva, whom the kind hearts of the institution seek to help.  The founder is himself a remarkable, remarkable man. Sri Ramakrishnan. When he was a  engineering student, he tried out for the Indian Navy.  During the physical test, he fell and became a quadriplegic.  I am not certain that he can even turn his head.   He had a wonderful Dr. named Amar Singh, who encouraged him and he began tutoring handicapped people in different school subjects, despite his infirmity in the early 1980’s.  He went on and on, with determination, and very little assistance.  The people he tutored gained incredible self-confidence despite the handicaps of their bodies.  This aspect itself garnered attention to his efforts.  Later, he was joined in 1990 by Dr. Shankar Raman,  and his sister, Smt. Sumati,  both of whom have muscular dystrophy and are wheel chair bound.  Shankar Raman does not have the use of hands or legs. We were privileged to be invited into a meeting with the leaders of the organization.  When we saw Sri Ramakrishnan, we felt we were in the presence of a deeply sincere and great soul, whose vast sympathies are for all.  In that room were the energies of hidden greats on this earth.

What these people have done, without the use of arms or legs truly shames us, who have such blessings.  Amma has said that God created those with arms and legs to help those who do not have them, those who are not retarded to help those who are, those with money to help those who do not have money.   When one sees what these Maha Giants of Human Beings, Sri. Ramakirshnan, Sri Shankar Raman and Smt. Sumati have done, without arms or legs, one is awed and humbled.  They gave us free reign in the place, and we observed Sri Shankar Raman at work….my goodness…you cannot imagine.  Without hands or legs, supporting his own dear head on the prop of his arm bone, as I imagine the neck muscles have deterioriated due to dystrophy – he was none the less a man of intense dynamic action – a phone was held to his head while he dealt with innumerable phone calls,  another person assisted with the computer, while he directed the clicks, a man stood infront of him holding letters for him to read…Others were waitng outside to be seen by him…he was manning a full staffed, hectic office which also serves as training ground for disabled people who later will seek employment in offices.  In all the people a lightness and joy was present.

Amar Seva Sangham is really  a wonderful model for a pattern of institutional care for handicapped people with a very loving human touch.  Within the campus, it has a ‘normal school’ which serves to integrate handicapped children into the mainstream school setting.  They also take in all the spastic, retarded and disabled people living within a twenty kilometer radius for classes with an attending parent every morning, imparting hygiene, socialization and other skills to educate the parents in caring for their children as well as adapting the children to the classroom environments. There are different areas where the residents learn tailoring, print shop work,  sari painting, prosthesis making, motor repair, toy making as well as computer skills…they can complete up the post graduate level in schooling if they so wish….there is a building dedicated to the physio-therapy of the residents and those who come for other services, with trained Dr.’s and therapists who come and work with each person…they have just started another area for quadriplegic people….We met unbelievable heroes there as well…

Their goal is to help all handicapped people become contributing members of society, as we all should want to be.   Additionally they serve over 300 villages, providing teachers, medical camps, etc., who impart education, assist in helping disabled people to gain acceptance in ‘normal life’.  They have also gone to court on behalf of handicapped people, and thanks to their untiring and ceaseless efforts there is a much greater expanded awareness in the society as to the role of handicapped people, their rights, and the duties of the ‘normal’ people towards them.    Truly, the opportunity to serve others in these ways is a great blessing….  In India, the emphasis is duty, first, before rights.  As such, handicapped people are also seeking a means to perform their duties…in the west, the emphasis is rights, without duty.  Rights that do not accrue as a result of duty are empty, and apt to be abused.  There is so much confusion about rights and duties….In the West I have seen mentally handicapped people pushed to exercise their ‘right’ to have children, whom they are ill equipped to care for…I question the moral soundness of this approach to actualizing the potentials of life for them….

When we look out into the creation, we see each thing performing its own function  that makes up the ocean of action and movement going on around us.  Each tree has its particular duties to the rest, which it performs, fruting, air scrubbing, giving shelter…each type of tree performs a different kind of dutiful function, and trees planted in unfamiliar soils can often perform functions there as well, even if different from their ideal conditions for growth…I mean, the harmony of dutiful action in the creation is so obvious – we all see that only Man has utterly lost his way….
When I was much younger, 18 years, I worked in a convalescent hospital in California for 2 years.  It was a horrendous and nightmarish eye opening experience.  I have often felt since then, that the situation for geriatric people in the US is unconscionable….dehumanizing…I have also felt in retrospect, that probably the most useful time in my life, in terms of service to my Maker and the Creation, was then…just being kind and gentle to people, getting the right teeth in the right mouth, the right eyeglasses on the right face, washing their bodies gently, letting them swallow their food before putting in the next mouthful… respecting their small wishes…  I eventually had to quit as it was too straining for me…I dreamt about my patients, went to see them on my days off, tried to advocate for them with their negligent or blinded families and the institution…Their situation was so alarming to me, and still is…very often people working in institutions that deal with people who are disabled in some way, themselves become somewhat dehumanized.  Its something that people working in those situations have to be on vigilant  guard against, never to lose sight of the equal humanity in those they are serving….
That brings me to another beautiful point about Amar Seva Sangham.  Perhaps it is because the leadership is also so severely handicapped physically…but, I think, more it is due to the broad minded vision of the leadership there, the gentle goodness in their hearts, and their eyes, cleansed of much of the false conditioning of ‘normal’ human society -  but one thing there really struck us.  There was very little caste or status consciousness present.  It is the only place I have been in India that is like this.  It is the only place that I have seen genuinely following Amma’s teachings so closely – their eyes are not stuck up like the rest of India – it was a heart vacation for us to be there.  There were no VIP;s there, there were only people whose inner compassion had moved them to help others…and as it is really our human duty, it is no cause of social preferencing or status to do so….

Their institution appeared to us like a beautiful flower.  At every turn we saw heros and heroines, who were transcending the limited identification of the self with the body.  Really, we felt we were among angels.  None of the people we met were self typed as ‘disabled’.  They were all first and foremost typed as ‘human being’. First and foremost, they were the soul that inhabits the body.  There were people who, without legs in wheelchairs, being pushed by those whose legs were maimed…everywhere, we saw only people helping people.  In addition, Sri. Raman’s wife, Pushpalata, has ensured that numerous flowering plants abound there…she follows the Aurobindo Mother’s views on the spiritual qualities of flowers, and the children have access to picking the ones they feel they need for their day…the place smells heavenly….The true love story of Pushpalata and Sri Raman is one of enduring, divine love….life after life…
Really, a very refreshing place – they are even growing grass, which Amma has said institutions should do, as the wind passing through the grass is beneficial for students…they have organic gardens, cultivate spirulina, etc. The grounds are spotlessly clean, all 30 acres  - no garbage tossed around…and the clean walkways are like mini boulevards, wide and accommodating for wheel chairs and cycle carts,  one can walk barefoot and not feel like you might have just stepped in somebody’s spit…  In Dec. 2006, they had brought all their residential children here to Amritapuri for darshan with Amma.  People who met the kids then remembered them out of the 100’s of thousands that came that month – for their glowing faces, their self-confidence…Amar Seva Sangham is operating under a guiding gracefilled hand – their students are beneficiaries of that self-respecting love.

So, Shiva is there, learning job skills, and getting coaching for becoming literate in Tamil medium….it is really a great grace for him.  I only hope that his mind will allow him to stick to it…his years of bus stand living  have not been of positive service to him….he is not accoustomed to stability that will prepare him for a more positive and productive life.
I believe it is possible to volunteer there –we met some lovely people from Germany who had come to work as part of their social service  degrees in their home countries,  but contact the organization first. We will try to get some photos up.

Loving you,
Kamala, Anni and Link

Dearest Friends and Family,
 We have never gotten around to telling you about Shiva,  Really, though knowing him, we are receiving a reconditioning in our outlook on people, seeing our own small conditioned mindsets.  We have all learned so much from this young brave heart.
 Briefly, as it’s a whole life, and a few paragraphs can’t say much, Shiva is a young boy, hailing from a village in UP.  From a very poor family, which had alcohol abuse.  The family began circus work when he was about 8 or 9, he is not sure, as he doesn’t know when he was born.  From publicized  political events that he can remember, it seems he may be about 15 – 17 years of age.  But he only has peach fuzz, so, I don’t know…since the last time we saw him, his face has become more angular, and I know Link’s did that when he was around 16…
 The circus work was intermittent and dangerous.  Shiva had certain ‘acts’ to perform that were in my mind, very gladiator like, and coming from deep human ignorance.:  breaking tube lights on his arm, and then eating the cut tube.  He told us he would collect the glass in his throat and then get it out somehow after leaving the ‘stage’. Putting flammable liquids in his mouth then lighting them on fire.  Piercing his throat with metal skewers, and his cheeks.  Sitting on a bike for 10 days at a time, not eating or going to the toilet…these have all left horrendous damages upon his  physical person.  His lower facial muscles don’t move much.  His voice sounds strained and a little huskey,  he can’t take hot or cold liquids or foods, and has some trouble swallowing.  Recently it seems also that his teeth are getting loose in his gums.  Tension seems to have aggravated the acids in his stomach.  He doesn’t eat much.
 About 3 years ago, he was sent out of the family nest on his own to get employment, and went to work for a circus in Paoli, Kerala.  He only worked 20 days, and was cheated of his earnings, and helped back to his village by a kind autorickshaw driver named Shashi. In the family nest at that time was his drunk father, his little sister, Goudan,  his mother, who gave birth to a baby boy named Kala, a few months after his return.   He has a significantly older brother who is married with children of his own.  Shortly after the baby’s birth – maybe one or two months,  about 2.5 years ago, the mother and father went to do an act in the circus in Chattisgarh.  The act involved one parent racing around the inside of a deep tube well in a car, the other on a motor cycle.  Done correctly, the centrifugal force generated enables them to do astounding vertical displays.  The vehicles crashed however, and fell, both parents were killed.  There was no question of compensation, Shiva didn’t know to ask.
 Shiva went to his older brother with the baby siblings.  Kala was obviously sick, it was congential TB, although Shiva did not know it at the time.  His brother’s wife didn’t want the sick babies near hers, and the elder brother advised him to throw them out on the street and forget them.  Shiva was shocked by his response, and went to each and every relative he knew of in the village and beyond.  No one would help him and his siblings.  An old Muslim man in the village gave him 100 rs, and without tix, he and his brother and sister traveled here to Kerala.  He felt he had nohting and no one in the north, and remembered the kindness of Shashi in Paoli.  He found Shashi.  Baby Kala was getting sicker, and  Shashi helped Shiva get into a hospital with them both.   A kind Dr. intervened, and he and his sister and brother lived in a hospital for 1. 5 years, while the Dr. placed an ad in the newspaper for funds, got them, and conducted necessary operations on the baby brother, who eventually, amazingly, recovered from the TB.  During this time in the hospital, Shiva received no education, but was busy with the care of his little sister and brother as needed.   At one time he did work in the hospital electrical area for 2 months, but the work stopped.  During this time, he frequently saw a Christian sister coming into his baby brother’s room in the ICU unit.  She never spoke with him however, and he didn’t think  or know that he had any rights to ask her what she was doing.
 One day, he was told to bring Goudan and go to Kala’s ICU room.  Once there, he was told to leave his sister there, by the hospital manager, and to go to the Dr.’s room.   The hospital security took him there, and together they sat for about 20 minutes,  ‘waitting for the doctor.’  After 20 minutes, the security guard told him he could go, and he went back to his brother and sister.  They were gone.  He ran to the room where their clothes were.  Their clothes were gone.  He was thrown out of the hospital.  When he asked for Goudan and Kala, no one would tell him anything.  Getting desperate, he broke a window and threatened to commit suicide, as he had nothing to live for.  The police were called.  The police said they could not help him.  Shiva went out, and somehow met the Police Commissioner, who spoke Hindi.  The police Commissoner called the manager of the hospital, who came to his office.  They spoke,  The PC said, I will give him Rs. 700/ to go to his village in UP and bring a letter from the village Sarpanch ( headman of Panchayat) verifying that he is indeed the brother of the little ones.  If he is the brother, he will get the letter and return.  If he is not, he will disappear with the money.  Shiva took the money, went back up to UP, got the letter.
 Now the PC told him to stay in the juvenile home, while he worked on the case.  So, he went to the juvenile home.  There, In a few days,  the Christian min he had seen coming to his brother’s room came with his brother and sister.  She denied knowing him as their brother, and said that at any rate, he appeared to be under 18, so she would not  release the kids to him.  The orphanage still did not want to release the children to him.  From their view, he was unemployed, unstable, emotional, prone to get upset, had no skills, etc.  The names of the children were changed to Roshan and Roshni. 
 Shiva was now stuck in the home.  One night, with another boy there, he escaped.  Shiva went to see the PC, the other boy went home.  The PC said, ‘Now I can’t help you, you have escaped from the juvenile home and broken the law. ‘  Shiva went back to the home.  A case was registered against him for escaping in the first place.  When the judge asked him why he went out, he said, ‘I’m here to find my brother and sister.  I don’t want to stay here.’  The judge asked him about the other boy who had escaped with him.  Shiva said that he had gone home.  The judge then said that he would write a letter saying that Shiva was 18, so that he could leave the juvenile home.
 

 We met Shiva right after Darshan with Amma in August.  In fact, while I was in her arms, I was aware of an outraged young voice, yelling…I knew, as things often happen, that it was a case of someone whose situation was being ignored or misrepresented.  AS he was shouting in Hindi, as I rose up from Amma’s arms, I turned and said, ‘What is it, son?’
 From there, Link and I heard his story.  He had come to the ashram because he had heard that Amma was Bhagvan, and he wanted to be with his brother and sister.  By this time, the orphanage had told him that unless he had a house, he could not have his brother and sister.  He was desperate, upset.  He was looking for a job.  The story was misconstrued to Amma, she was told he wanted a house to bring his family too, when he was only asking for work, and trying to make her aware of the situation.  So, having sorted it out, Link mentioned to Amma that he wanted work.  Amma said he could have a job.  In a few days time, he got work, welding.  Regrettably, he was not given a mask or dark glass to protect his eyes.  His eyes were hurt horribly from the bright light, and he stopped work and spent the rest of the day crying with pain.  After that, the linguistic barrier between him and the workers further alienated him….after a week, he took what wages he had made and went to see his brother and sister.  That ended that job.  Several other attempts were made around the ashram to help him get work, but he would leave after a few days, and go see his brother and sister.
 Link and I in the meantime went to Poustinia, and several other caring people in the ashram got involved with his situation.  A young boy, unknowing about labor, not knowing that his poverty makes him a virtual slave in India, ignorant as to the value of money, generous to a fault, illiterate, yet, who respects the love in his own heart, and honors it above all else.  Through friends we kept in touch with what was happening to him.
 When we came back we were told he had a hotel job in Calicut.  We thought that sounded OK…Shiva came down to visit for just a few hours, bringing with him big Krishna Muurti’s which he must have struggled to carry in the train, along with a conch he had found on the beach as gifts.  We all encouraged him to demonstrate ‘labor stability’….
 It was about this time that our real education through Shiva began…..

More later,
Loving you,
Kamala Aunty

Dearest Friends and Family,

One of the things that Link, Anni and I used to do as they were growing up, was to read stories and books together in the hours before bed. I am sure that I have memorized Horton Hatches the Egg by Dr. Suess, if someone somewhere just starts me off on the first line, it will probably all come spilling out. “Ir should be, it should be, it should be like that, for Horton was Faithful, he sat and he sat!” As they got older, we worked out way through the exhaustive epic of the Mahabharat by Kamala Subramanium. This remarkable author has also faithfully translated from Sanskrit into English in narrative style the Srimad Bhagavatam, and her last work, the Ramayana. She has managed to capture various meanings of the Sanskrit mantras while avoiding the ornamentation and decoration of them. Hers is a great gift to the English speaking world, in the field of literature and promoting awareness of the values of Sanatana Dharma. We highly recommend her versions of these works. we have seen many others in English, but none passes muster in our eyes compared to hers.

When we came to India, our night time snuggle downs and reading patterns were abruptly changed. Amma was up and out, tours were going on, etc, etc. For several years, we didn’t read at night together. Then, after I had the heart attack in 2005 (which doctor’s now say they see no trace of as the heart is functioning very normally now so- no worries on that score, really, I know it is Her grace), Link or Anni began reading to me in the night as a way of comforting and soothing the mind. From then, we began reading together at night, and worked out way through some wonderful books: I recall some of Mark Twain, John Muir, the Speeches of Dr. Martin Luther King, Amma’s books, Gandhi’s Self Indulgence vs. Self restraint, George Durell’s My family and other animals – very funny – and many, many others. When Anni was sick we worked out way through the biography of Eleanor Roosevelt, Abdul Kalam, and others…Since Anni left, Link and I have gone through Mr. God this is Anna, twice, Gandhi’s “India of my Dreams”, Nehru’s Glimpses of World History – very great book, haven’t finished it all, while in Poustinia we also looked into “The Tibetan Book of living and dying, and have now started on the Ramayana by Kamala Subramaniam.
The Ramayana is one of the 4 great epics, part of the ocean of Hindu literature known as itihasa. The other three are the Mahabharat, the Harivamsa and the Yoga Vaishista. I do not have any familiarity with the Harivamsa or the Yoga Vaishista…If anyone knows where I can find good English versions of these works, we would appreciate the recommendation. We have really just started the Ramayana, as the habit of reading flat on the back, as a soother, often puts me and Link sound asleep in no time….Anyhow, we are at the part where Bharat goes back to Ayodhya, dressed in Tree bark, worshipping Rama’s chappals on the throne, instead of himself. Before this part, there was a very interesting passage that Rama says to Bharat, during the time that Bharat is pleading with him to return to Ayodhya, to become the king, etc. I felt that it really hits the nail on the head so to speak, and wanted to share it with all of you. At one point in the arguments of dharma, Rama says to Bharat:
“He said: ‘Bharata, do not think that I have no sympathy for you in this your predicament. I understand it fully. But then, my child, no man is allowed to do as he pleases. Man has no freedom. Fate tosses him about in all directions. The game which Fate plays is unpredictable. Nothing lasts in this world. What has been gathered is scattered about. What was once at the top soon reaches the lowest position. Meetings only end in separations and, as for life, it only ends in death. Ripe fruits have but one fear, that of falling down. And even so, man has no fear other than death. Think of a house built sturdily with strong pillars. Even that, in the course of time, becomes weak and ancient. Men too become old, lose their power of thinking and death claims them. The night which passes will never come back and the waters of the Yamuna which flow fast, when in flood, towards the sea, will never return. In this world., Bharata, just as the waters on the surface of the earth get less and less, dried constantly by the rays of the sun, man’s life also gets lessened day by day. Your life and mine are fast ebbing away. Think on the Lord, my child. Do not spend your time in the contemplation of another’s life. Death walks with us and he accompanies us on the longest journey we undertake. The skin gets wrinkled. Hair grows white. Old age makes man weak and helpless. Man delights at the sight of the sun rising and again, the setting sun is pleasing to the eye. But man forgets that every sunrise and every sunset has lessened one’s life on earth by another day. The seasons come and go and each season has a charm of its own. But they come and when they go, they take with them large slices of our lives every time.
On the large expanse of the sea two pieces of wood come together. They float together for a while and then they are parted. Even so it is with man and his relationship with life, child, kinsmen, wealth and other possessions. Meetings end only in separation. It is the law of nature. No one is capable of altering the course of Fate. Weeping for one who is dead will not bring him back to life. Like a flood which will never return to the spot it came from, the part of one’s life which has gone by, will not come back. Man should take heed of this and set his mind on the attainment of the next world. He should perform his duties and fit himself for the heavens which he will surely inherit then….” P. 345 Subramaniam, K. (2007) Ramayana. Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan, Mumbai.

Amma has said that the 12^th Chapter of the Srimad Bhagavatam contains the essentials of necessary life understanding. The Srimad Bhagavatam is a Purana, that gives stories of Krishna suitable for secular or popular understanding. It is often called a Mahapurana, or Great Purana. There are many other works which are also puranas. We have used again, Kamala Subramaniam’s erudite exposition of this work. Here is the 12^th Chapter.
“Vidura, after spending a reasonable number of days in Hastina, realized that time was running short and that he should not waste any more time. He had to do what he had come there to do. He spoke to Dhritarashtra one day. He said: ‘My beloved brother, you have never listened to the words of advice I was wont to speak in those days. But this once you must listen to me. Leave this city and go to the forest, my lord. Please abandon all these comforts and go far away from the city, to the forest.’
Dhritarashtra turned his unseeing eyes [he was blind- allegorically, the blind mind] on his brother and said: ‘I do not understand what you are saying. Tell me why I should go to the forest at this old age, helpless as I am with this infirmity. Explain to me why I should go. I know there must be a reason behind this suggestion of yours, Vidura. Why do you ask me to go away?’
Vidura spoke in a gentle and persuasive voice. He said; ‘Dread Kala, is coming fast toward us. There is noting that can withstand its power. No word can coax it to go back. Death is very near. When the Hand of Kala is touching you, you have to renounce this life which is very dear to you; what then can one say about the other things which are dear to us! Wealth? Kinsmen? Power? What can all these do when death draws near? Let me speak candidly some home-truths. You have no one who you can call yours. Your father, your brother, your friends, your sons are all gone; buried in the depth of oblivion. As for your body, old age has swallowed almost all of it. Think of the house you live in, even that does not belong to you. Your sons were killed by Bhima and it is food given by that Bhima which you are eating. Surely life is very dear to you if you are prepared to undergo such humiliation. This life of yours, my dear brother, is allowed to you out of sufferance.
‘You tried to kill the Pandavas in the house of lac; you tried to kill Bhima by mixing poison with his food; you insulted them and their queen in the court; you stole from them their wealth and their kingdom. And yet, they have granted you this life. What is the use of living in such ignominy, my brother? Even if you are unwilling to relinquish this life and these comforts, death is not going to spare you. Whether you like it or not, this body of yours is growing old and sere with age like a garment which has been used constantly. Ponder on these truths for a moment. Be brave, for a change. A brave man is one, who, having abandoned his wealth, his kith and kin, his sons and his family goes away in secret to the forest and sheds this human body. This Vairagya may come to him of its own accord or he may adopt it after being told about it. But a man who has the strength of mind to take to this course and spends the rest of his life in the forest thinking on the Lord all the while, is, indeed, a prince among men. It is easy enough to be brave when one is young. But the really brave man is one who feels the approach of death and is prepared to shed this body without any regret. Forget this city of pain, brother. Get up and to towards the North, the path to heaven.’
Dhritarashtra was silent for a long time. For the first time in his life, he considered the advice of Vidura without protesting.
The night had passed the second yama.
Dhritarashtra got up from his bed and told what he had decided to do to his queen, that great lady who had tied up her eyes with a silken scarf on the day she was married since she did not want to see the world which he could not see. She spoke not a word. Quietly she came and stood by his side. Accompanied by Vidura the old couple left the palace without anyone knowing about it.” Pps. 23-24. Subramaniam, Kamala (1979). Srimad Bhabavatam. Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan, Bombay

Hope you enjoy. These are things we think on. Anni, for sure, faced her passing very bravely, and without the least fear. This is always in our minds.
Loving you,Kamala, Anni and Link

[1] K.S. gives this definition of Kala: TIME. The Supreme Sprit regarded as the destroyer of the Universe, being a personification of the principle of destruction.

[2] K. S. give the following definitions for Yama. 1. Control, restraint, self-control. 2.The god of death personified. 3. one-eight part of a day: three hours. – this refers to the older system of time in indigenous India based upon the mood and harmony of the different 24 hours. In the ashram, there is stress on the ‘brahma muhurta, which is the period between 3 and 6 AM as being positive for prayers and contemplation., as the atmosphere is least polluted with the thoughts of errant man then, making concentration easier.

Dearest Friends and Family,

Since we last wrote, we managed to get the letter with the original newspaper article about the starving fishermen in our area translated. We put it on Amma’s peetham for the Tuesday satsang. I did not put it with the clipboard questions as it was not a ‘spiritual’ subject, eg. Metaphysical question. It was on her left side. I was told that she glanced at it for about 2 seconds. I managed to collect it back, and later gave it to Lakshmi, Amma’s room Lakshmi, with the request that she show it to Amma….we’ll see.
When Amma came out, she said she had another program in the big hall at 2:00 to go to. We were not told what it was about. I ambled to the Big Hall after the Prasad lunch, and waited to see what it was about. I asked several brahmacharinis and ashramites what it was about. No one knew or seemed to understand clearly. After waiting till nearly 3:30, not getting clear information anywhere, I came back to the room to collect laundry, etc . I saw Link coming over the bridge, and called to him that Amma was out. We both went to the big hall…I saw many people dressed in ‘set sari’s’ leaving the hall. We went and asked them what the function was about and were very happy to learn of it.
The program was a way for the ashram, in conjunction with the Dhanalakshmi Bank to give ‘micro-loans’ with low interest rates to low-income women living in the area to start businesses from their homes. The ladies who had organized themselves into groups of about 20 each, picked small areas of industry that they wanted to develop into more marketable arenas. All of these industries are at the local level, and put more money and food into their pockets and mouths, as well as serving the wider community needs. Very Gandhian. We spoke with women who were going to start businesses drying fish, making paper bags, making coir from coconut husks, book binding, tailoring, pickles, soap making, there were many who wanted to start small retail shops….already the island has one every few feet, with so much competition, I don’t know how it will all work out…I think the shop concept has a lure of position and riches….The proverbial “Indian corner shop” is a world wide phenomenon. Some are going to become milk distributors, and so forth…many ideas for generating incomes from the homes.. At any rate, our hearts smiled to learn of these events…None of these home industries is polluting or destructive to the earth.

To date, I have not been able to find anywhere a comprehensive list of all the work that the ashram is doing in Amma’s name…then there are also the branch ashrams….and the youth groups…and individuals who outside the circle of the organization are doing things inspired by Amma…Amma has really embarked on a nation wide reconstruction program, very similar to Gandhi’s ideals…Like a plunk in the pond, the ripples are spreading out over the planet…from what I can see, as far as possible she seeks to join hands with the government…its really government work anyhow…but when the government doesn’t do, the people have to, thankfully, India is a democracy in name at least…hopefully, it will become a socialist democracy in the future…no one should confuse democracy with capitalism anyhow…

I find great similarly between the ideals put forth by Gandhi and Amma’s teachings. I have not yet found any dissimilarity, other than perhaps, whilst Gandhi was wedded to Nature Cure, Amma is open to anything that works…particularly allopathic, but this may be due to environment and circumstances, which in a newly independent India was massively westward looking in its leadership….

When one examines Indian history, it is evident that for millenniums, India has been a rural economy, based upon village life. India was an international leader in export and trade centuries ago. Historical accounts from travelers over 1000 (Yu’an Chen) years ago attest to the beauty and well planned nature of some of the cities existent then. It was before the age of machinery, so the cities were not the filthy heaps they are today. It changed quite suddenly with the British and Dutch east Indian companies, in the late 1700’s and the later British Raj, which made the huge cities of Delhi, Bombay, Madras and Calcutta, that were actually depots to process raw good and resources for export. India has been sapped of everything, and worse now, She saps herself, rampantly exploiting the poor and weaker sections of society. There are no nation wide labor unions fort the poor that can guarantee a meaningfully living wage for their daily labors. The divisive nature of caste, the pressing population of the just above starving masses…its so heart rending to see the huge disparity….there are more Mercedes Benz in Bombay than any other city on earth…. Unless it is by donation, the rich have risen on the backs, strangled necks and shrunken stomachs of the poor.
India’s real remaining strength as I see it at present, lies in the ties of love between parents, children, elders and community. These ties are inherently non-violent in nature and inclusive of the environment. They have produced a basically peaceful people. Because this love is natural, entailing cooperation, and the subjugation of individual interests for the good of the family unit, eg., personal sacrifice, one sees that non-violence is the natural state of the human race. I find that contrary to newspaper reports, generally, the Indian psyche is developed in understanding and relating to events in non-violent means and methods. It is the particular genius and gift of India to the world. Because it is inherent and natural, Indian’s themselves are unaware of its import….Genuine self respect is all that India really needs to overcome every single one of its problems….It is my prayer that She will gain it….globablization should be showing Her how desperately the real values of Love and caring and remembrance of one’s Maker are needed all over the world…but, instead of seeing that glaring picture, Her youth are caught up in the mesmerizing and squanderous dream of material indulgence….not their fault, it’s the education they are receiving, the appetites that they are being encouraged to entertain. Its what some call progress. I differ.

Perhaps I digress. But it is nice to be able to write out one’s thoughts, we always enjoy your feedback….my heart is heavy today….we ran into our old friend Smita who got married last October. She didn’t know about Anni. We both ached together. She has a baby boy now, named Bhagat….hailing from a poor family, I had gone to her wedding while Anni and Link were at school…Anni wasn’t feeling well then…always tired….I thought it was the school….We had met her when she worked as a sales girl in a cooperative store that used to be nearby. Sincerity and truthfulness crown her brow, and we all took to her immediately. She wanted to be a brahmacharini, but could not go against the wishes of her father. She especially loved Anni.

The experience of Smita’s wedding was unique. They are very poor, so the reception which was held directly afterward had a table where those who wanted to make a gift could give some cash. I looked at the ledger that was recording names and amounts given…most of the donations from these very poor people were around 5-25 rupees…I loved the wedding. It was a very practical affair…the couple were given a starting little nest egg by their community and friends…it was unostentatious, simple and humble…
Her husband is a KSRTC (Kerala State Road Transport Corporation )bus conductor, and was in his mid 30’s as compared to her early 20’s…he seemed a nice man. I can’t imagine a more tiring, irksome job…and generally the conductors are all very civil people… 12 hour shifts constantly being shaken up all day…the situation on the public buses is often untenable, especially at peak times…the horrendous jamming, packing of people almost to the point of suffocation, the lurching of the vehicle, the noise, dirt and dust…Hail to the Indian public bus conductor, who serves all with civility, despite all! Truthfully, I cannot imagine an American, or any other person from a ‘first world country’ being able to carry out that job, hour after hour, day after day, week after week, month after month, and still retain their sanity. I don’t think I myself would last more than a few hours…

When the children were younger, they used to commute together every day to Kollam for school at the Amrita Vidyalayam there. It was a 2 hour trip in and sometimes a 2.5 – 3 hour trip back. Their school uniforms would have a black soot on them from the bus ride back. Several times, Anni got vomit on her from other people who were sickened by the lurching and crowding in the vehicle. Often times they rode the whole way back to the ashram standing with one arm up, holding onto the supports…I used to think that alone was enough for any human organism to endure, never mind what the Darling had to go through later…however, if you can catch the bus at non-peak times, it can be a reasonably pleasant experience…a seat, window, air, etc. All these experiences, and the general mind set of the society at large encourage the development of deep tolerance and endurance. Tolerance and endurance are somethings that mechanically efficient societies do not inculcate much of on the personal level.

Smita had an arranged marriage. I find the institution of arranged marriage to be a wise one. My beloved advisor Dr. W. once told me that the state of ‘being in love’ had more to do with a bio- chemical imbalance…In India generally marriages are arranged by matching the astrological charts sensitively…in such cases there is great harmony evidenced in the marital relations…arranged marriages put the goal of life squarely before the couple – dharma and adherence to dharma…the greatest dharma of which is not to neglect our Soul, or spirit…If you go that route, make sure the chart is well matched….Smita and her husband are happy together…

I’ll stop now, I see Link coming over the bridge…he is finished with the first set of internal exams of the semester…its time for his coffee enema…hope you all will give those a try…we try to do them about 2 times a week, and only after the bowels have moved naturally…it makes a big, really big difference to health and outlook…

Loving you,
Kamala Aunty

Dearest Friends and Family,

Today is “Martyrs Day” in India, Jan 31, 2008 the day that Mahatma Gandhi was shot dead in 1948. His last words were, Hey Ram, or O Truth, depending on how one wants to translate that. Today is also the last day of Amma’s South India tour, and as I type, she is giving darshan in Thiruvananthapuram. I do not think anyone, including myself understands the sacrifice she is making there. She should be here tomorrow. I don’t know when we will get a chance to post this, we have ceased the cell phones and all the conveniences that come with them are also gone. What was Anni’s life sacrificed for? I still do not understand. Was it a sacrifice? It feels so to us. For us, she is purity and innocence, brightness, personified. Her presence in our lives kept us in that frame of being as well. Who and what Anni is, is so precious…Here is a verbatim letter that she wrote to Amma, the date of the translation into Malayalam is March 31, 2004, She had probably written it some days or weeks before, getting good translation is very difficult. Anni would have been 15, almost 16 years old at the time of writing.

Dearest Amma,

If this world is really so unreal, then why are we so unable to understand that? Why is it that the unreal appears so real, and the real so distant? Is the physical world (as in tables, bodies, etc.) also unreal or is it just the social world (‘I’,’me’, ‘mine’, ‘you’, ‘yours’, etc)?

I imagine that if we know our oneness with everything then there would no longer be any purpose of human existence. Riight? And then, if there is no longer existence, what would become of this world? It must all be a mirage anyhow.

A mirage of what?

When all is you, and each and every soul thoroughly knows and experiences it’s oneness with you, then the world would dissolve…I guess. At least we’d see it very differently.

It is said that we are creations of God, and “God hath created us in his own image.” Then how did we become so far from you anyways?

Amma, please always keep me near to you, come inside me, always be with me, and let me serve you with everything I say, think and do.

– Annika

The following quote from Amma seems appropriate here and seems to encapsulate every point of Anni’s letter to Amma:

“In the beginning the Guru will tell the disciple, who is a practitioner, “The world is an illusion. Reject it and become established in the Self.” This is to speed up the sadhana. But at last he will understand that this whole world is part of God when he reaches Realization. Then there will not be anything to reject, only to love and serve all. This state is not hypothetical, but is derived from experience.”

OM, OM, OM
Kamala Aunty, Link and Anni