Guru Poornima, July 18, 2008

August 16, 2008 Kamala Amma's Grace


Dearest Friends and Family,

We had Guru Poornima here on Friday, July 18. It is a day of honoring the Guru with love and gratitude. Celebrated throughout India, and for that matter the world, I could not help but reflect that just as we were all sitting in our own understanding of who was the Guru, for all of us here – Amma, for millions of other people throughout the planet, it was somebody else. Yet, the celebration was being done. I looked around at Amma’s devotees, and saw their dear faces all aglow with happiness and intensity – that she is here with us, that we can do these types of things with her in mind. There was a sure confidence in everyone. It made me reflect how, what the Guru is, for everyone, is the ideal. If the Vedic architects had made this day, Amma Poornima, then we would all understand that it was specifically for Amma, but they made it, Guru Poornima, and all over, people celebrate it with their particular manifestation of the ideal in mind. Its such an interesting concept…the form of

We continue our studies on our great brother Gandhi, the sadhak of sadhaks. Gandhi claimed never to have found an external Guru. That is to say, the purified form of his own consciousness outside of himself. I found a few sentences that Gandhi wrote when he was on the way back to South Africa from one of his failed negotiating trips to England in 1909. On the return ship, he wrote Hind Swaraj which is a remarkable treatise on the highest potentials, definitions and practice of what a refined democracy would look like in practice. What are also remarkable are the statements he makes about his state of mind. Here is the quote:

“My ideas about satyagraha had now matured and I had realized its universality as well as its excellence. I was therefore perfectly at ease. Hind Swaraj was written in order to demonstrate the sublimity of satyagraha and that book is a true measure of my faith in its efficacy. I was perfectly indifferent to the numerical strength of the fighters on our side.”[1]

For me, in my understanding, such as it is, the words; “perfectly at ease” and then ‘I was perfectly indifferent to the numerical strength of the fighters on our side” indicate that in his exposition of Satyagraha and Swaraj, he had come into contact with his inner Guru. That Guru within, the ethical ideal of Truth he beheld in his spiritual practice of Satyagraha, Truth Force, or Adherence or ‘holding on force’ to Truth. To be ‘perfectly indifferent’ is to have come into contact with Truth so firmly, that one is henceforth fearless. One is fearless, because one is convinced, convinced beyond any shadow of a doubt as to the Truth of the ideal within. He had certainty. For me, from what I can see, certainty and convincement is surrender.

Surrender is a term, which as an American, growing up in a weapons-producing society (with the constitutional right to bear arms), I have always felt uncomfortable with. In the US, we have a certain level of violence that is built into speech in the culture. We say things like, “I could have just died!” (meaning some sort of embarrassment) or, I could have killed him” (here, it doesn’t mean murder, only frustration of some sort) or “Go ahead, shoot,” (when we mean, go ahead and ask a question)…there are lots more, but those come quickly to mind. Surrender in such a culture is a thing that “yeller-bellied” (I think that one comes from bloated dead frogs) fear filled cowards do. Not brave people. “I surrender” is the cry the bad guys make when the cops get ‘em in the movies. It means they give up their own efforts, and will now meekly obey their new bosses. It doesn’t mean necessarily a change of heart. The words convincement and certainty, however, are terms that appeal to my mind and understanding,
they point a direction of sureness, fearlessness and correspondent courage of heart and mind. So saying, I think that certainty is effortless.. Once we are certain of the ethical ideal within, nothing will change our course, we will be able to bear everything, as Anni did, without a single painkiller….we will be hitched to an unshakable reality…that allowed Anni to do all that she did, with such beauty and radiance, that allowed Jesus to be hung with all those horrid nails (our human barbarism has changed so little since then) and still seek forgiveness from his ideal for the ignorance around him. What he went through in three days…was terrible. But, I feel Anni had it much tougher. Much, much tougher. One who saw her suffering for days said, ‘What Christ went through, only took three days, What Anni is going through….”

Shiva. We got a call from Amar Seva Sangh, Shiva had been sent to the Dr. for a check-up, and they found he needed an operation, piles problem. Probably due to those circus tricks where he lived on a bike for 10 days without going to the toilet…drinking just enough to stay alive so he wouldn’t need to get off the bike and urinate….such tapas, for a few coins only…or from glass pieces when he broke the tube lights on his arms and ‘ate them’ collecting the slivers in his throat…So, we all rushed and sent Rs. 10,000 for the operation, which included Rs. 3000 for extra foods to build him up….Today, Lata came ‘round and said that unfortunately, his attitude has been rather unbearable for the people there. He has been verbally abusive…the upshot (that’s another US phrase) of it all is, after 5 months, he has burned his bridge there. Or shot himself in the foot (another phase, meaning, done his own chances there in) When he is given food, he throws it down, demanding chapatti (I think he is on a liquid diet or
very soft foods, due to the operation…) and is generally rude…I don’t think he wants to stay there. I think he wants the freedom of the streets…The real problem is that Shiva doesn’t not want to be saved from such a life. If I could take an outside house, and devote my time and energy to loving him up and working with him, one on one, very intensely, I’m sure there could be progress. But, I do not have the resources and energy to do so, plus, Shiva has shifted in his outlook towards those of us trying to work with him here, from friend to a bit of the ‘con’. It takes skills, dedication, patience and undying love to alter these situations. I think having Hindi speaking people around as well as food that is more ‘northy’ will be positive for him…most of all, he needs love….I think nutrition is a big problem…if you don’t get enough of the right kind in the growth and development, some undesirable mental kinks can take place…please pray for him…Shiva….

Anyhow, as a result of all this, we have decided to keep Anni’s Care Fund open for those that want to donate to it. The money that was in it has been given, as we mentioned, per Amma’s advice to a scholarship fund that Amma has for poor children in the M.A.M. Mission Trust. Thats $2200. Two thousand, two hundred) We are keeping one hundred in the account to keep it open. From this point, any money that come will be used to enable us to help emergency situations in the lives of others that come across our path, or to provide interventions that can make a difference. We still want to get Anni’s album out, but those costs will come from elsewhere. Anni’s Care Fund will now be a gift from Anni via all who donate to it for the Care of others in some way. So, if you like, please pass the word….we’ll see what comes, and discuss it all with you as we go along.

Well, I don’t know about you, but those are some of my musings…

We are finally having a day of monsoons…one of the last days of the season, and finally, full rain for the day. I have really missed the monsoon this year – its interesting though, although we had so little of it often the air was cool…perhaps the rains elsewhere made it that way…I dunno, Mother Nature’s really messed up, thanks to all of us…

May we all become certain of the ethical ideals within us.

Loving you,

Kamala Aunty

[1] CWMG 29: 186-188 November 22, 1925 Age 57.

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