A Tale of Grace

posted by Kamala on Aug 12

Dearest Friends and Family,

Today marks the completion of 12 years of living at Amritapuri. The Upanishads have things to say about staying 12, 24, 36, 48 years in the presence of the Master. I did not think it would ever apply to me, was banking on 108 years. In two days, God Willing, we leave the Sacred Presence of Holy Mother Amma for EU, and Link’s higher studies, as per Her advices to us.  As a  mother I am endlessly grateful to have been able to raise the children in Her presence.

On August 12, 1999, when we came up to the sign on National Highway 47, to turn towards Amritapuri, Anni clasped my hand tight, and said, “O Mama!” Her voice was so thrilled, that we all chuckled, for she was such a young girl, to be having such a deep emotion. Little, so little, do we know.

We got here around 3:30 AM. The bhajan hall was under construction. It was dark and rainy, and we waited on the mounds of dirt for dawn to come, then for the then Western Office to open.

When dawn came, we could see where we were. The clouds were still low, and a light mist was going on. Large pink buildings all around, with black crows, cawing and swooping down off of them. I felt, I had come to the House of Yama, the Great Controller, who is death to the ego. That was my strong impression.

In all this time, till now, we have only left India 3x, and that only because Holy Mother Amma advised us to. Once in October 2003, to get the children’s highschool diplomas, for 6 weeks, and then at Anni’s time, which was 5 months, and then after that, when Amma advised us to go out for 2 months. I mention this, as there is something that we lose sight of outside of India, and outside the ashram. I think it is the duty of human relations. This is perhaps one of the real reasons that older India did not seek travelling, which can create personal displacement and subsequent anonymity within the community as a consequence of constant mobility. Of course, there will always be roamers amongst us, nothing wrong in it. Some seekers use it to good end. But in terms of building community, which then results in the `washing machine’ that Amma speaks of – eg. ~ a way to smooth out our rough edges and become considerate, respectful, patient, enduring and helpful people, travelling can be distracting from the deeper inner work at hand.

Then, after Anni left, and we had come back home to Amritapuri, I felt I had nothing more I could do or offer Her work. I asked if I should stay anymore in the Ashram, and She said, “You can go out for a couple months.” She then asked us if we had a place to go. We said, `No.’

In a few days time, some devotees, who are just the nicest people, Greg and Libby, came and began insisting that we come to their place in the pristine wilderness of Poustina. I kept saying No, no, no…and they kept kindly insisting. I remember giving then all kinds of reasons: Fish and Guests smell after 3 days. Link drinks a lot of milk, and it might be difficult to keep up with his appetite. ( In those days, he ate like Baby Bhima) All kinds of reasons. They kept assuring us. Then, as it came time for them to leave, they showed us photos of their place, and we saw the Nature. My heart sang out for woods. My children and I grew up in woods, deeper woods. Although we have adjusted to urban life, the woods are always our true home. Thinking about the woods got us longing, and we decided to go.

They left before us, back to Poustinia, and Libby wrote us of a dream she had of Anni, and the youngest daughter, wrote us of a dream she had, in which Anni came and told her, Hey, We are coming to your house! Get lots of food for Link!’ I can’t remember exactly what the dream was, but the expressions the little girl had of Anni were exactly the type of thing Anni would have said.

Anyhow, leaving the holy Presence of Amma……I can’t speak about it.

Today, I blubbered all over different departments in the ashram, at tailoring ( they are very kind there ) in the residents shop….at the recyling station…..sometimes people say, “ Oh, you’ve been here 12 years? Wow.” Then they act impressed, and I feel embarrassed, for what have I accomplished in simply living here?

But, I tell you the truth, longevity is really nothing, means nothing, only attunement and harmony is all… Christ’s best disciples came long after his life. Paying tribute to Gandhi on his 70th birthday, Englishwoman Maude Royden said:

It is a strange thing that Christians should feel, as many of us do, that the best Christian in the world today is a Hindu. The more I see of Gandhiji’s work and read of his teaching, the more I feel this is the case. He will, I know, not resent it if I add that, to me, Jesus of Nazareth is unique in his perfection; all I say, and this I feel bound to say, is that of his disciples today there is none so near to him as Mahatma Gandhi. ( From: Radhakrishnan, S. Mahatma Gandhi: Essays and Reflections pps. 256-257)

While packing, I found something Anni had written in a small little booklet-notebook type thing, that she was keeping a list of everyone’s birthdays in. I thought was so amazing – how she was seeing and understood Amma. It may have been from her satsang notes:

Q. Isn’t it right to visualize the diety while chanting?

Amma: Son, at this time, you can talk to Amma and see Her at the same time, can’t you? In the same way we can visualize the form of our beloved diety, and do japa at the same time. But even that isn’t really necessary.

If you can, cry and pray: `O Mother! Give me strength! Destroy my ignorance! Lift me onto Your lap! Your lap is my only refuge! Only there will I find peace! Mother, why are You pushing me into this world? I don’t want to be without you for a moment! Aren’t You the one who gives refuge to everyone? Please be mine! Make my mind Your own!’

If you can’t cry at first, say the words again and again, and make yourself cry: Don’t give the Divine one moment of peace.

We should cry out – Show yourself to me! Show Yourself!

If you can’t cry, make yourself cry, even if it takes some effort. Cry out to the Divine Mother and say:

`Why aren’t You giving me tears? Why don’t you make me cry? Does it mean that You don’t love me?’

Then She will give you strength and you will be able to cry.

That is what Amma used to do. You can do the same.

Holy Mother Amma is the Queen of Love. Her recipe above is the fastest way to absorb the mind and cleanse the heart. Powerful and simple are Her teachings to us. Anni absorbed them all.

We leave after 3 nights.

Loving You,

Aunty Kamala

posted by Kamala on Jul 1

Dearest Friends and Family,

One of my beloved Teachers, `Abdu’l-Baha

(May 23, 1844 - November 28, 1921.  Above picture taken in Paris, 1911.  From Baha’iinfo.org)

of the Baha’i faith, wrote this.

Its so inspiring, we have to share it with you.  I wish all our children could memorize this:

True Wealth

The honour and exaltation of every existing being depends upon causes and circumstances.

The excellency, the adornment and the perfection of the Earth is to be verdant and fertile through the bounty of clouds in springtime.  Plants grow; flowers and fragrant herbs spring up; fruit- bearing trees become full of blossoms and bring forth fresh and new fruit.  Gardens become beautiful, and meadows adorned; mountains and plains are clad in a green robe, and gardens, fields, villages and cities are decorated.  This is the prosperity of the mineral world.

The height of exaltation and the perfection of the vegetable world is that a tree should grow on the bank of a stream of fresh water, that gentle breeze should blow on it, that the warmth of the sun should shine on it, that a gardener should attend to it’s cultivation, and that day by day it should develop and yield fruit.  But its real prosperity is to progress into the animal and human world, and replace that which has been exhausted in the bodies of animals and men.

Exaltation of the animal world is to possess perfect members, organs and powers, and to have all its needs supplied.  This is his chief glory, its honour and its exaltation.  So the supreme happiness of the animals is to have possession of a green and fertile meadow, perfectly pure flowing water, and a lovely verdant forest.  If these things are provided for it, no greater prosperity can be imagined.  For example, if a bird builds its nest in a green and fruitful forest, in a beautiful high place, upon a strong tree, and at the top of a lofty branch, and if it finds all its needs of seeds and water, this is its perfect prosperity.

But real prosperity for the animal consists in passing from the animal to the human world, like the microscopic beings, through the water and air, enter into man and are assimilated, and replace that which has been consumed in his body.  This is the great honour and prosperity for the animal world; no greater honour can be conceived for it.

Therefore, it is evidently clear, that this wealth, this comfort and this material abundance form a complete prosperity of minerals, vegetables and animals.  No riches, wealth, comfort or ease of the material world is equal to the wealth of a bird; all the areas of these plains and mountains are its dwelling and all the seeds and harvests are its food and wealth, and all the lands, villages, meadows, pastures, forests and wildernesses are its possessions.  Now, which is the richer, this bird, or the most wealthy man? for no matter how many seeds it may take or bestow, its wealth does not decrease.

Then it is clear that the honour and exaltation of man, must be something more than material riches.  Material comforts are only a branch, but the root of the exaltation of man is the good attributes and virtues which are the adornments of his reality.  These are the divine appearances, the heavenly bounties, the sublime emotions, the love and knowledge of God, universal wisdom, intellectual perception, scientific discoveries, justice, equity, truthfulness, benevolence, natural courage and innate fortitude; the respect for rights and the keeping of agreements and covenants; rectitude in all circumstances, serving the truth under all conditions; the sacrifice of one’s life for the good of all people; kindness and esteem for all nations; obedience to the teachings of God; service in the Divine Kingdom; the guidance of the people, and the education of the nations and races.  This is the prosperity of the human world!  This is the exaltation of man in the world!  \this is eternal life and heavenly honour!

These virtues do not appear from the reality of man except through the power of God and the divine teachings for they need supernatural power for their manifestation.  It may be that in the world of nature a trace of these perfections may appear, but they are unstable and ephemeral; they are like the rays of the sun upon the wall.

As the compassionate God has placed such a wonderful crown upon the head of man, man should strive that its brilliant jewels may become visible in the world.

From:  Some Answered Questions `Abdu’l-Baha: Collected and translated from the Persian by Laura Clifford Barney.  Baha’i Publishing Trust, New Delhi, India, 1976. pps. 78-80.

If we impart this knowledge to our children, maybe they will be better trustees and stewards of the Creation and their own personal lives than we have been.  We were taught little that is real about the use of human liberty.  I’m going to try to memorize this along with the Disiderata…then when I’m in singular situations, I can say them to myself to keep the mind in check….

Loving you,

Aunty Kamala

posted by Kamala on Jun 23

Dearest Friends and Family,

I got confused on Anni’s leaving day.  I haven’t had the heart to go back into the blog and read Link’s entry for that time and find out the date.  It’s like that.  You have to walk gingerly around the deep aches….you have to honour your heart.  I’m not at all in favour of these new psychologies and therapies that stamp themselves as being Reality and dig at people’s cores, and objectify them.  In fact, I think we have to be very cautious of therapies and psychologies that are coming to us from cultures and societies that preach an ideology of individualism at the expense of the earth and the community of creation and natural ties of kinship, duty, responsibility and nurturance.  If the psychology was good, the families would be intact, in health, and so would the communities.  Not what I’m seeing there….They are only of the intellect, and have nothing to do with the heart.  The heart has its own Law.  Can’t argue with it.  If you do, you get sick in the head.  Look at the planet.

Anyhow, so I told alot of people 21st, and some people did a ceremony of some sort that day.  I had been invited, but didn’t think I could do it…so didn’t.

Our Japanese family here sweetly brought us a plate of fruits, and we gave fruits and albums out to those who came to see us, only about 3 or 4 people, but it was nice to be able to give those things from Anni.

Then, yesterday, which may be the day, and Karthik says it is,  we muddled on through our day,  (Link and I often joke to ourselves, that if we were the three stooges, Anni would be Mo, Link - Curley, and self - Larry, therefore, it is only natural that Larry and Curley are muddling, as Mo is not around to direct),  we have always to find ways to keep laughing at ourselves…the students next door who were good friends with Anni, gave us a card they had found while cleaning out their hostel room.  These students were there doing their BS’s,  when Anni was here, then MS’s, and are now going on to their Phd’s in all kinds of highly technical fields….

The card was to Anni when she became ill:

Namah Shivaya, dear Annika,

Just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

You may not remember me- 2 1/2 years ago I worked with your family sweeping Amma’s path, for a month.

I am saddened to learn of your current challenges, and heartened by your courage.  I know your faith will serve you well.

May Amma’s light fill you, always,

Love and Blessings,

Poojya

OM

Our years in that `seva’ were the most joyous for us. It is always a phenomenon of wonder to me, that no matter what one tries to `do’  for Amma,  the real beneficiary is ourselves.   It’s all self-service.  There is nothing anyone can really do for Amma that doesn’t immediately and ultimately serve their own best interest first and foremost.  It is because our Amma is the representative of the ideal - which is poornam -  complete in itself.    In those days, we were the ones who were blessed, although outwardly our condition was rather dogy, raggy, taggy, etc.   We had no thought but that her feet would walk here, and feel this or that underneath them.  Her eyes would look here or there, and what would she see?  We wanted always that She should feel happy in Her Ashram, that it greeted Her outings from the room with bright alertness….Her hands might touch here, and was it fit for them?  Her skirts would blow, and were the railings they would touch clean so as not to leave their traces upon them?  She would walk here, what would be over her head?  Anni tried to make beautiful designs in the sand for her feet to walk upon.

Once,  coming with Her entourage towards the Bhajan Hall for evening Bhajans, Amma asked who had swept the path so beautifully.  A Br. walking near Her, said, `The Westerners.’  Then Amma said that as a young person,  She always swept the sands around Her home and imagined that the next steps would be Gods.  Anni surely had that awareness.

And Anni somehow works always, to keep us aware that she is with us.  I feel it is the Grace of God through Anni, Amma and Kartik Shah and Nirali, his beautiful singing wife,  another genius, Shankar Tucker, and all the kids that knew her and loved her, and many who didn’t, that has made Anni’s album come out so beautifully.  I’m under strict instructions not to say much about Karthik’s genius, but music connoisseurs will appreciate the awesome welding and melding of sounds and instruments and chorus, that makes a celebration of  love for the Divine in each song….

For those of you who don’t know, the album is called “ Become Love: Anni and Friends for Amma. ”  Kartik swung together a fantastic promotional video, available, along with snips of the songs,  (not the whole song, mind you) at:  www.earthethics.org.in

The Song “Green Grass Blue Sky” appears twice, as it was Anni’s last song to us all, and I wanted both Karthik’s version, which is very alive, as well as Anni had wanted to sing it with Jasmine Jensch (Aditi) from Germany.  So, the second time it plays, Anni’s voice is there, from when she first sang the tune to Karthik at AIMS before we left on that fateful trip to the US.  Then Jassie’s voice starts.  Kartu has arranged each one differently…very magically.

Anyhow, enjoy the joy that comes of loving God!  In Anni’s Love!

Loving you,

Aunty Kamala