A Gripe

May 23, 2007 Kamala Amma's Grace

Dearest Friends and Family,

Since I last wrote you, much has happened. Anni’s pounding heart beat has become a constant phenomenon. Pounding hard, day and night, her respiration increased to match….there came a point where the general panic was fairly terrible.

I called the Dr. who is our assigned medicaid physician, and his suggestion was to go to the emergency room. When I tried to get the issues of her heart pounding as related to her months of sleeplessness and intense pain, which keeps her from sleeping, he didn’t see any connection. He thought it is from a blood clot, and advised me in serious and admonishing tomes. Its been like this all along. My concerns about her experience with Hepatitis in 2002 are brushed aside, because tests via technology show a normally functioning liver. This despite the fact that there is a tumor on it! Despite the fact that her hands and feet are bright yellow! Same with the kidney test. The tests show normal functioning kidneys, and yet there is a huge tumor, considered the main tumor on one. This type of “modern medicine” is only producing people who are technology based and driven, who can ony presecribe drugs for the pharmaceutical industry. How sad that India should seek in anyway to emulate this system!

The problem with rushing Anni to the emergency room, is that it solves nothing, will stress her and exhaust her unnecessarily, and subject her to more gruelling tests that cannot connect the dots of her illness. The legal, educational and medical systems in my country are so intermeshed, that a person’s rights and wishes are literally taken away from them once they are intubated or enter an emergency room. Seeing her weakened state things can be done to her against her will. Anni was adamant that she was not going to the emergency room….all this was a few days ago, and we are still going on.

So, things have been pretty tense. We got a blood pressure pulse cuff, with which to monitor the goings on in her heart, it also shows irregular beats. We became even more alarmed. But, somehow, deep down, despite the panic of everyone around us, who care deeply for Anni, somehow, Link, Anni and I, felt only that we have somehow to ride out the storm, and things will change. Nonetheless, we found it difficult to resist the fear and panic in the minds around us. The Dr. who is the Gerson practioner for us, after receiving my worried call, called early the next day and spoke to Shirley, and said he could no longer be Anni’s practioner, as “she is beyond nutritional support”. I was amazed. Dr. Max Gerson took patients that had been dumped out of the medical hospitals, left to die, and resusitated them with loving care and nutrional support combined with detoxification. So, its very interesting, but really only points to the intense FEAR that everyone has. At one point, I was being told, “You will be legally responsible for not making sure that Anni got into the hospital….if she dies, there will be an investigation, people will see you as neglectful…” What this all showed us, was the usual attitude in human beings of rejecting opportunities for caring responsibility. No one wants to be sued, and this is a suing culture. Everyone wants to make sure their “behind” is safe, so to speak. So, the best way, if there is any doubt, is to dump the problem into the hands of those society holds to be ‘professionally responsible”. Then, if you die because no one could use their common sense and see connections, or you were overdosed with morphine, as Anni was earlier, or you are given poisons to zap your cancer, rather than meaningful and helpful ways to preserve and enhance the integrity of your body, then, no one is personally responsible, and somehow this is all seen as OK. Efficiency can have a very cruel edge it not springing from the heart….

Another thing is safety. People around me began to question if it is ‘safe for Anni to be at home’. These are legalizing terminologies, that come from fear. If Anni is put into a hospital, no one needs blame themselves for what will be the miserable end of her life. Modern science will have done its best. surgeons will have done theirs. Will any of it have helped Anni? this safety issue, is one that is really bogging the country  down. People cannot allow their children to climb trees, or play outside in the snow for a day, or even allow children to touch and hug other children, because, “it may not be safe”. Out of this great concern for ‘safety’ comes more and more fear.

As long as we don’t want to live our lives responsibly, we will need ever more powerful social structures around us, which will masquerade as taking that responsibility. We will need police near by, since we can’t and won’t police ourselves, extra programs and tuitions for school, and our children will spend all their time there, since we won’t be actively involved and supportive of their education, hospitals where we can have medical help for the common cold, and more drugs to help us live our unnatural lifestyles and cope with our sickened environment. In India, there was never a police force for social control, and still isn’t in the villages, which for time immemorial have resolved disputes and quarrels through personal and social pressures, rather than the nebulous and impersonal state. There were never creshes either, for mothers to leave their babies, while they assumed the double burden of making a home and earning an income. So what goes? The home and the well being of the babies, and the security of the society. And for some, these structures will be useful, to fill in the thinking and take action and ‘responsiility’ where they cannot.

When we first learned about Anni’s illness, I trusted the ‘modern science world like a child, hoping they would help her. As time when on, and the utter folly of the plans for her, plans that really did not take Anni’s whole situtaion into account became apparent. The lack of connectivity between the doctors, the medicine they prescribed and the environmental reality and totality of Anni’s body as a single organism, the lack of genuine wholistic vision, shocked us.

All of this has gone to show us that we have nothing and no one but our Precious Amma to help us. And for this we are grateful, and I believe, we have always known this. I do not know why we are having this experience. Only She knows what is supposed to be happening here. We can only carry on, through the fog….

This is a gripe entry. Sometimes, you have to get it off your chest. We hope we have offended no one. Hope all of you will be alert, and take your own health and healing and education into your own hands. Loving you, Kamala, Anni and Link