Soup and Saga

June 15, 2007 Kamala Amma's Grace

Dearet Friends and Family,

So much has happened, and we are having technical difficulties.  My older laptop is our only computer here, and it is not working well.  We cannot get internet on it.  This one belongs to Supriya and Adam.  We cannot describe the selfless generosity of members of our Ashram family, that have really made us feel like we have genuine family in them.  Those who have come to stay with us, comforting Anni all hours of the night, those who throughout the world, unknown to us, are praying for her…. Its a wonderful feeling, and we know its how She wants us to be.  To be joyously caring, sharing, taking responsibility for one another.  Anyhow, Supriya and Adam are continuing on to the rest of the tour, and need their computer back, naturally!  Point being, I wrote several entries about recent events, including Anni and Devi Bhava, but, its all in the old computer, which at this moment Link has approached with a screwdriver and knife..I don’t know what the outcome will be.  If we can get out those entries, we will post them.  So, I have to make this short, as this computer will be travelling in a few hours.

Anni is to weak to travel.  We have cancelled air tix and our hotel room in the same hotel that Amma will be in in LA.  That delicious feeling of being under the same roof as Her, will not be ours this time.  We have cancelled plans to return to my mother’s house in Maryland until Anni is able to move about more easily.  At this time, she uses the wheelchair for even distances of 5 feet.  Amma’s instructions to her have been to not speak, not stand up alone, lie down and rest, not to be out in public for more than 30-40 minutes. Not to get dust or pollen in her lungs.  We have been able to see Her everyday, except one day, when Anni, despite her best efforts was too exhausted to make the trip.  Each time, Amma has come out of Her chair at the end of Her darshan, and come to Anni in the wheelchair, and held her, put Her hand under her blouse to feel her heartbeat, and talked to her about the ashram, and how everyone is praying for Anni.  Since Amma came, Anni has become progressively weaker and thinner.  She is not able to feed herself easily, or shift her position in bed.  There are small sores starting which we are trying to combat.  From having her right ear down all the time on the pillow, a sore opened on the delicate outer folds.  We made a small ‘O’ shaped cushion for it, and it seems to be healing…there is another one starting on her right shoulder…

The whole situation in her body keeps her without any appetite.  Amma has said she must eat, so we are being encouraging, and having heard it from the Lord herself, Anni is more cooperative about eating.  But its hard.  The heart muscle’s pounding pain and tight clenching absorb her attention.  I know from my own heart attack in 2005 that when the heart starts to give troubles, its not like one can argue with it, or use ones own mental volition or will power….One is immediately forced into total submission to the experience…and so it is for her.  Since coming, a small obstruction has begun in her throat, which is making swallowing difficult at times….

The precious soup that on the first day Amma said Anni should have, has come in two forms: 1 recipe from Dr. Sabo, with special woody herbs brought by Manisha…that one, Link and Ramakrishna ( not Sw. Ramakrishna) cooked in cauldrons in the ashram kitchen….from 30 litress down to 1.5 liters.  The second came just seconds ago, from the auspices of our dear Beloved Suganandan Acchan, via the caring intervention of Vinay’s parents in NY.  2 nights ago Link spoke with Acchan, and wept queitly  afterwards, Acchan was so sweet to him on the phone, and said he was praying for Anni. 

When we went for darshan yesterday,  we took the 1.5 litres of soup that had been made in the ashram to Amma to bless.  I  showed Her the soup, and Link said that Acchan’s special soup was on the way.  Amma said, “No Need for Soup, its not That.”  She Alone knows what it is.  At any rate, we are keeping the two soups carefully, for as far as we know, they are the only ones of their kind in the whole USA, and it is highly possible that another of Amma’s children may need them.  We are very grateful for all the efforts that went into the production and transportation of the soups.  We do not know or understand Her design for Anni, only that She Alone Knows, and She Alone can heal.  Surely, She hears all of us.

Yesterday, Link told Amma that Anni was very weak and had no strength whatsoever.   Her heart was pounding hard in the 130’s.   Amma warned about the dust and pollens again. She told Anni that everyone in Amritapuri was praying for her.  When I finally understood this,  I wept.  You  are all such divine Angels, who selflessly, and unknown to us, but not to Her, pray for our dear Anni’s life on this earth!   We bow and bow to all of You, wherever you are….Pranaam of Soul to You….. Later, Link went back to the ashram,  and saw Her giving prasad to the retreatants.  She asked about Anni, and Link said Anni’s heart was going up and down.  Since darshan yesterday, Anni’s heartbeat has begun to come down.  With it has come dizziness, blurry vision, tight threatening clenching in the chest…..

Today is the last program before Her final Devi Bhava here.  I have just sent Rishi, Link and Ajay running to the program to see the Lord, as Anni’s vision is going, the heartbeat is fluctuating wildly between 90 and 120, and so many other scaring complications are there….

We do not know what this one little being is suffering and why….

The Lord will be leaving us shortly,  Our hearts ache at the thought…

I see a time of intensive work and nutiritonal fight for Anni…as she recovers….knowning All, our Amma is doing the best possible….we are so grateful that She Alone is Doctor for Anni….the greatest success will surely come, for, despite every outer dismal signal,  Amma has never said that Anni is leaving…She has said to make her eat….to guard her this way and that….now, why should a dying person be bothered with eating?  If Anni were to die now, Amma would have said, give her whatever she wants to eat, just make her comfortable….But the Lord has said, Make her eat….(because, she must live….)

I have to go, there is much more I wish I could share.  Link took my computer apart, and smoke came out of one part….so, we will be out of internet for some time to come….until we can devise something….please keep the fire burning brighter and brighter for Anni, please keep the pipeline to the Lord chock full with your sweet prayers for Anni.  She said, All of Us will heal Anni….It is a Truth….

We long to be on the way back to India….

Loving you all,

Kamala