February 20, 2007 Kamala Amma's Grace

Dearest Dearest beloved friends and family,

I don’t know how to say this. We need your prayers and light for our beautiful Anni. It’s a long story, I can’t make it short, but I have to. We urgently need all of you to hold Anni in your minds and hearts, and KNOW that she is perfectly well. Please pray for Her.

Now the story.

Anni has not been well for some time. We noticed it, and thought it was due to numerous things.

Why was she getting so skinny? “Drink your milk, Anni! Eat more!”

Her colds didn’t go away. She didn’t want to help so much with things and was tired. “Why are you so unwilling? Dammit!”

Then in Dec. her back went out. She was so pale. “Eat iron, Anni, more Iron, Dammit! Take vitamins!”

She tried Yoga. “Just keep up the yoga. If you stop it will hurt. Why aren’t you doing the Yoga?!”

Then Her lungs began to hurt. We started tests for TB. It was at this point, that I let myself know there was something really wrong with Her. No TB was found, it seemed to be pleurisy.

Ten days of medication later, no response. The lung pain came back in one day. Then, we finally went again to the Dr. who wanted her to go to AIMS for TB tests. We went to get Amma’s blessing; I said, “She is sick.” Amma said to test her for TB and pneumonia, and make sure they did a new chest X ray at AIMS.
That was Saturday.

We went up to AIMS on Sunday afternoon, February 18th. 19th, registration. X rays. Blood tests. A very astute Dr. Darshana, saw nodules in her lungs and with sagacity said to me that she was sure it was TB, but wanted a CT scan of her Chest. We scurried around doing that, Anni not feeling well. Then the Dr, found a growth in her upper abdomen. At this point, it was 5:30 pm, we had been rushing around from 8AM from counter to lab, etc.

The Dr. looked at me in a way that chilled my heart and bones. She said there was a growth on her kidney that had spread into her lungs, that I should go to urology, and meet Dr. Sanjay Bhatt. She called him; we went there.

Dr. Sanjay, another very nice and helpful person, also looked at me dead serious-like, and said, “Didn’t Dr. Darshana tell you what is happening? There is a tumor on her kidney, it has spread to Her lungs.” He wanted us to take a CT Scan of the Abdomen and a bone scan.

In the midst of all this, on 19th night, our magical Amma called us at the hospital. Amma was crying. She called my name, Kamala, Kamala Kamala…. She said to Anni, After calling her name, Anni, Anni, Anni… “So your sick…” That we should listen carefully to what the Dr. was saying…

The scans we did on the 20th. People were very nice, but, if we didn’t have a paid receipt, no test would be done. Thankfully, my bank, one of the few computerized smaller banks, has a branch there. Thankfully, it was open for withdrawals at each juncture. She had to drink litres of horrible liquids… The bone scan was horrible. She was injected with something they called “Gamma radiation.” She had to drink a lot and was told not to let her urine touch her skin! At then end of Feb. 20th, she looked like a tire that had run over spikes.

At the end of that day, everybody looking dead serious at us, we had a meeting with Dr. Sanjay. I can’t go through the whole meeting here. Anni has a horrible cancer that has already metastasized – which means it has advanced to a higher stage. It’s in all her bones, her lungs are full too. There is a nasty tumor. They said it was on top of the kidney. My mind didn’t understand until yesterday that on top doesn’t mean sitting on top. It made itself out of her right (or is it left, I’m totally confused from the pictures…blasted ugly thing it is…) kidney; it’s made her renal artery (the kidney blood vessel) almost as big as her aorta, its taking so much blood…

Link (who had stayed at home to attend college) fired off an email to Uncle Jeff from his Head of Department’s office, and Uncle Jeff immediately called and said that he was coming.

The only solution they had was to take out her entire kidney and begin immuno- and chemo-therepy, but the Dr. told us to think about it first. I heard what the Dr.’s were saying. They did not think from their standpoint, that there was much hope at all. They basically said there is nothing they can do at this point; the operations would be heroic measures in what they saw as an already gone case; it’s already throughout her skeleton… In a way, I felt massively relieved. For this meant that we are only on the Grace of God through Amma, which for us is the safest place to be. If we can learn.

We came back to the ashram. Everybody at the hospital was exceptionally kind to us. The director, Dr. Prem Nair met me, and said, there is not much we can do here, but Amma’s grace is there for you…he arranged a comfortable car for the long drive back to the ashram. In the car, about half an hour before reaching the ashram late at night, somehow, it entered my skull, a story Amma had told in satsang a week ago, where a man had been diagnosed with cancer, and two months to live, and came back to his house…knowing he only had two months, he began to love everybody and poured love out on everything. In two months his cancer was completely gone.

This idea filled me. We have to become positive. My small family has nursed some grievances and hurts. We haven’t let go of these things, we have held onto them…freezing the water between us… the swami’s and our hurts from their behaviors to us, the people who have hit us, insulted or hurt us…so many little antagonisms after so many years…never mind the stuff before with the divorce, family, etc., etc. I find I knew only how to make a narrow prison of my heart, not an ocean of love…

Amma has repeatedly said, love can heal anything…She has said the lost balance in nature will be automatically and spontaneously restored if the vast majority of people can acknowledge and love their Maker in each other and all creation.

We have nothing left. We have to try. I invite you with my whole and full heart to join us in loving us, being loved by us, in knowing our precious and beautiful Anni is healed in that love

We went to Amma, and as ever, the things deepest in the heart came out. She was very sad, and hugged Anni for long, weeping lots…I could only cry and cry – “Change us! Change us! Change us! Change us! Change us! Change me! Make us become Love! Make us your true disciples!”

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  • Avinash Joshi says:

    I am stunned seeing this site……

    Mind blowing………

    We are all here praying for Anni and the others…….

    Linkesh Bro……u have done it…….Awesome

  • vishnupriya says:

    hi…anni dont worry ammas taking care….she loves you veryy very very much …she cares and so do we all…..youve done so much seva in ammas ashram and ive seen u doing it….and seen u flash that million dollar smile of yours while u were at it….i know and believe u will surely get out of this amma will get u out of this…we all love u …pune..india

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