Comments on: Silence, Community, and Democracy http://taleofgrace.com/2009/07/silence-community-and-democracy/ A story of grace and love. Tue, 22 May 2012 00:31:22 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7.1 hourly 1 By: Marge http://taleofgrace.com/2009/07/silence-community-and-democracy/comment-page-1/#comment-3463 Marge Sun, 05 Jul 2009 05:12:02 +0000 http://taleofgrace.com/?p=168#comment-3463 Your recent blog post made me think about the fine distinctions between complaining, arguing, informing and educating. It doesn't help a person to leave them in ignorance about the consequences of their behavior. But it's even less helpful to make them defensive, because they'll try to rationalize their bad behavior, and hold on to it harder. The value of silence is that it avoids setting up the defensiveness, and leaves the person free to focus on the natural results of their behavior. The problem is that usually they don't get it. So the challenge is to find a way to communicate so the person can understand and accept the information, without triggering an emotional defense. So to accomplish this successfully means knowing the other person well enough to know what they will respond to, both positively and negatively. Most people will say "well, they ought to...". True. They ought to listen and understand, etc. But if they could do that, they probably wouldn't need to be spoken to. There have been very rare occasions when I was able to get through to someone difficult. Lots more times when it just made them more difficult. It helps to remember the times when someone was able to get through to me. That helps me understand why it's worth going to all that effort to reach them. It's still hard. A very valuable spiritual exercise when it's done right. God bless, Margie Your recent blog post made me think about the fine distinctions between
complaining, arguing, informing and educating. It doesn’t help a person to
leave them in ignorance about the consequences of their behavior. But it’s
even less helpful to make them defensive, because they’ll try to rationalize
their bad behavior, and hold on to it harder. The value of silence is that it
avoids setting up the defensiveness, and leaves the person free to focus on
the natural results of their behavior. The problem is that usually they don’t
get it. So the challenge is to find a way to communicate so the person can
understand and accept the information, without triggering an emotional
defense. So to accomplish this successfully means knowing the other person
well enough to know what they will respond to, both positively and negatively.
Most people will say “well, they ought to…”. True. They ought to listen
and understand, etc. But if they could do that, they probably wouldn’t need
to be spoken to.

There have been very rare occasions when I was able to get through to someone
difficult. Lots more times when it just made them more difficult. It helps
to remember the times when someone was able to get through to me. That helps
me understand why it’s worth going to all that effort to reach them. It’s
still hard. A very valuable spiritual exercise when it’s done right.

God bless,
Margie

]]> By: gabrielle http://taleofgrace.com/2009/07/silence-community-and-democracy/comment-page-1/#comment-3446 gabrielle Sat, 04 Jul 2009 17:16:21 +0000 http://taleofgrace.com/?p=168#comment-3446 Facing an ugly community ordeal where communication on a human level seems impossible, and psycho terror prevails, I ask myself how is it capable that I expand myself and encompass those in a field and manner of love, who treat me badly, and have the courage to communicate the affair and speak of the truth, percieved, and tell another of his echo, when fueled by good intent? I am pondering this often lately, and I wonder if, when danger and threat approach oneself, if it's best to retreat into the heart... ...with love Facing an ugly community ordeal where communication on a human level seems impossible, and psycho terror prevails, I ask myself how is it capable that I expand myself and encompass those in a field and manner of love, who treat me badly, and have the courage to communicate the affair and speak of the truth, percieved, and tell another of his echo, when fueled by good intent?
I am pondering this often lately, and I wonder if, when danger and threat approach oneself, if it’s best to retreat into the heart…
…with love

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